Okay. Latios sent me about five lots of twenty mad phrases, as did Maria, plus I'm
writing another long fic (Like Articuno's Ice palace, but it's not going well, so I may ditch it), so
be expecting me to be churning out a whole bunch of these over the summer. When will I get out
to enjoy the sunshine?! :(
This is important. I did NOT choose to put Latios in this one because of the person who
sent it. I needed some siblings, which meant either the Pichu bros. Or Latios and
Latias. Seeing as the Pichus, while cute do not possess phenomenal telekinetic powers,
it had to be Latias and Latios.
If you're wondering why this is so much longer than my other stories, it's because I've
discovered the art of... DOUBLE SPACING!!!! *ahem*
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, blah, blah, or the (tee-hee) Taco Bell dog. He's in here too! ^^
Dedication: To Latios for the phrases and title, and for Sarah for making my summer halfway bearable.
***
1."You're not great! You're the most conceited blowhard I've ever met!"
2. "What about family values?"
3. "You really need to get yourself a personality."
4. "Hannah Banana, Banana Hannah, Hannah Banana, Banana Hannah . . . "
5. "When, in the course of human events, . . . "
6. "Whither goest thou, young rogue? Can there remain some villainy thou
hast not yet committed?"
7. "I really need a hug!"
8. "I'm here to deliver a wedgie."
9. "Have I ever mentioned that I'm a deranged postal employee?"
10. "I'd rather shave my head with a chainsaw!"
11. "It must give you a great sense of power, knowing you could bore the
world to death."
12. "HELP! We've been trapped in a fortune cookie factory!"
13. "What is my purpose in life?"
14. "Gee whiz, what's wrong with you?! My lunch is peanut butter! What's
so disgusting about that?!"
15. "If'n some rude-rube bubbleheaded Bubba is aimin' for a maimin, you
give 'im a hurtin' for a certain. Got that? Don't let yer guard down!"
16. "DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
17. "But I have limitless power!"
18. "I'd have to be an idiot to lend you money."
19. "That must have been one of my other personalities."
20. "An ocean? What's that?"
All righty! Here we goes! Oh yeah, anything I would like to point out, be it weird comments
or things to tell you what's going on will be in brackets, like this: (moo.) Know what they are
now?
The Madness of Vermillion City
***
(Pikachu, Totodile, Chikorita, Treeko, Togepi and Charmander are all lost in the desert, and
have been for a few days. They're not thirsty because Totodile gives them water when they
want, but they're all really hungry.)
Pikachu: Muhhh... I'm sooooo hungry...
Treeko: Yeah, me too. I think I'm gonna starve.
Totodile: When was the last time we ate?
Pikachu: A pretty darn long time ago. I will DIE without something soon!
Togepi: I feel that I'll eat myself if I don't get some food NOW!
(everyone looks at Togepi)
Togepi: Right! That does it! (Togepi begins to eat himself (Togepi is a 'he', right?))
Pikachu: What the heck are you doing?!
Togepi *munch* Eating myself!
Chikorita: Don't!
Togepi: (not paying any attention) Mmmm... Sliced egg...
Totodile: Charmander, stop him!
Charmander: Okay! (uses flamethrower on Togepi)
Togepi: (Carries on eating himself) Yay! Soft-boiled is always good!
::::Pikachu goes over to the deranged egg and ties his hands together. Anyway, suddenly they
are overshadowed by a shadow. (That made sense!)::::
Charmander: Look! Up there!
Chikorita: What is it?
Pikachu: It's a Latios!
::::Latios lands in front of them for reasons better known to himself.::::
Pikachu: (trying to be nice, so Latios will help them out) Great Latios-
Latios: I am not Great Latios. Great Latios you need at least 50 Great Balls to capture.
Totodile: Then what kind of Latios are you?
Latios: I am--Super Latios!!!
Treeko: There's no such thing as Super Ball, just Super Potion!
Latios: I'm Super Potion Latios! When I attack you, you need a Super Potion to heal yourself!
I appear once throughout every five-hundred re-started games, because my Attack is so
weak and Defense so low!
Chikorita: Who's Great Latios, then?
Latios: You need 50 Great Balls to capture Great Latios!
Totodile & Charmander: WHERE IS GREAT LATIOS?!
Latios: Discussing business with Poké-Latios, Hyper Latios, Ultra Latios, Master Latios, Max
Latios, Net Latios, Dive Latios and GS Latios!!!
Togepi: You are worthless and pathetic and stupid!!!
Latios: I am not! I am wonderful, graceful and great!
Togepi: You're not great! You're the most conceited blowhard I've ever met!
Pikachu: (whispers to Togepi) YOU are blowing our only chance of getting out of this desert
alive!
Togepi: I don't care! I HATE YOU LATIOS!!!
Latios: (bursts into tears) Wahhhhhhhh!!! You are so mean!!!
Latias: (appears from nowhere (hey, it's simpler that way!)) Oh look. You made him cry! Well
done! He hasn't cried like that in ages!
Everyone: ?!
Latias: He annoys me so much; I give three wishes to those who upset him!
Charmander: *laughs* What about family values?
Latias: Stuff family values! If Nintendo wanted family values, they would have given us
parents! So! Your first wish?
Pikachu: I wish we could get out of this desert!
Latias: As you wish! (teleports them into Verdanturf)
Charmander: Now, as out second wish, give us unlimited food!
Latias: Unlimited? As you wish! (Teleports them again)
:::They reappear in a large, locked building filled with big boxes:::
Pikachu: Hey, what is this! Where's the food?!
Latias: In the boxes!
:::They open the boxes to find nothing but fortune cookies in them. Too hungry to be mad,
they immediately grab some and start eating them, and immediately spit them out.:::
Totodile: Yuck! How OLD are these cookies?!
Latias: Well, the factory closed down about fifteen years ago, so pretty old.
Everyone: (Spits out cookies) EWW!!!
Treeko: What're you tryin' to do, poison us?!
Latias: No, but it's food. You didn't say it has to be edible.
Chikorita: *losing her head* HELP! We've been trapped in a fortune cookie factory! We're
gonna die! Where's gonna die!!!!
Pikachu: No we're not! We have one wish left!
Totodile: And when we use it, that twisted Latias over there will drop us into Grandpa Canyon,
saying, "it was what you wished for!"
Charmander: That's probably true, but hey. Hey, Latias! Our last wish is for you to take us to
Vermillion City and then leave us alone!
Latias: Your wish is my command (stealing overused lines from cheap and rubbish films is fun!)!
(The Pokémon are teleported in front of the Vermillion City Poké-center)
Pikachu: Hey, Charmander, why'd you choose Vermillion city anyway?
Charmander: Heh, it does good takeaways! (he runs to a payphone and dials, even though he doesn't
have any money, he can call anyway. Isn't writing in the insane tense fun?) I'll have potato
wedges! Now!
Pikachu: (grabs phone) and I'll have ketchup!!!
Chikorita: I want peanut butter!
Togepi: I want sheep eyeballs!
Totodile: I want a cheese salad!
Treeko: And I want out of this fic.
(Five seconds later (yeah, I know...)...)
Taco Bell dog: I have your orders!
All: Yay!!!!
Taco bell dog: Sheep eyeballs for the deranged egg, peanut butter for the weird green thing
with a leaf in its head, salad for the blue crocodile, ketchup for the electric mouse, one 'out
of this fic' for the red-bellied gecko over there and a wedgie for the lizard with it's tail on fire!!!
(Everyone glares as they snatch the food from the mad dog.)
Charmander: (yelling) I ordered some POTATO WEDGES, NOT A WEDGIE!
Taco Bell Dog: Too bad. I'm here to deliver a wedgie, and a wedgie is what you get!
(one irate Charmander and one roasted rat-like dog later...)
Totodile: YES! Cheese salad! Yummmm...
Pikachu: Mmmmm... ketchup...
Chikorita: Yummy! Peanut butter!
Treeko: Peanut butter?! Yeuch! That's disgusting!
Chikorita: Gee whiz, what's wrong with you?! My lunch is peanut butter! What's
so disgusting about that?! Look what Togepi's eating! Sheep eyes!
Treeko: You have a point. Well, it's better than my 'out of this fic'. It tasted like cardboard.
I would have sent it back, but Charmander roasted the delivery dog/rat/thing.
Charmander: (through a mouthful of potato wedges) He's still alive. He's over there, smoldering
in the corner.
Treeko: Too late; I've eaten it, but it was the worst 'out of this fic' I've ever tried.
Taco Bell dog: (Regains consciousness) And that will be (coughs up ashes)
$2340945705579865965.99 please!
Charmander: What?! It can't be that much! Pikachu, lend me some money here!
Pikachu: I'd have to be an idiot to lend you money!
Charmander: WHAT?!
Pikachu: Mmmm...ketchup...
Taco Bell dog: You pay up or else I will crush you all with my power!
Chikorita: What power? You're smaller than Togepi!
Taco Bell dog: But I have limitless power!
Charmander: Yes, I know. It must give you a great sense of power, knowing you could bore the
world to death.
Taco Bell Dog: Hey!
Charmander: Oh, just go away!
Taco Bell Dog: Ah, yes! I have an appointment with my annoyance instructor at five. (leaves)
:::: After everyone has finished::::
Pikachu: Mmmm... that was nice...
Togepi: Delish!
Chikorita: What do we do now?
Totodile: We could go and do some sightseeing.
Togepi: Or sit around and discuss philosophical questions!
::::Everyone leaves Togepi sitting on the floor, muttering to himself:::
Togepi: What is my purpose in life? Where do we come from? Where are we headed? What is...
HEY! Wait for me!
Chikorita: Well, we could go and see the Vermillion city gym while we're here.
Pikachu: Yeah, I'd like to see Raichu again, but where is it? It's grown since I was here last.
Treeko: We could ask for directions. I'll go and ask that Kadabra over there.
Everyone: NO!!!
Kadabra: (turns around on hearing the noise) When, in the course of human events...
Pikachu: Oh, good grief. Look you idiot, do you know how to get to the Vermillion Gym?
Kadabra: Just follow your heart, but If'n some rude-rube bubbleheaded Bubba is aimin' for a
maimin, you give 'im a hurtin' for a certain. Got that? Don't let yer guard down!
Everyone: Oooookay... (shuffles away)
Kadabra: Hannah Banana, Banana Hannah, Hannah Banana, Banana Hannah...where'd they go?
Chikorita: NEVER ask Kadabra for directions. EVER.
Treeko: Okay. Sorry. What about that guy there?
Pikachu: That's Bill! He's certain to help us!
Charmander: Bill-
Bill: I'm a Kabuto.
Charmander: Bill, do--
Bill: I'm a Kabuto.
Charmander: Bill, do you--
Bill: I'm a Kabuto.
Charmander: Bill, do you know where-
Bill: I'm a Kabuto.
Treeko: Certain, eh?
Pikachu: Shuddup.
Chikorita: Hey, Pikachu, Isn't that the Seymour the Super Nerd from the first season of the
animé?
Togepi: How would you know? You weren't here then!
Chikorita: I watched it on TV, okay?
Pikachu: I'll ask, he'll remember me. He was pretty grateful last time I saw him. He'll help us.
Super Nerd...
Nerd: Don't call me Super Nerd!
Treeko: Why not?
Nerd: Call me---Hyper Nerd!!! (fanfare)
Treeko: Uh...
Totodile: What's the difference?
Nerd: Super Nerd is dumber than me.
Pikachu: But Super Nerd is supposed to be here!
Nerd: No; his contract ran out.
Togepi: I think you're both dumb!
Nerd: Why you----uh, trigonometric hater!
Charmander: You can't insult well.
Nerd: I know. I really need a hug.
Treeko: Was everyone in the first season as mad as this?
Nerd: Have I ever mentioned that I'm a deranged postal employee and not a Nerd at all?
Charmander: Pretty much.
Totodile: I'm going to ask ONE more person, and if they're mad, I think I'll lose the will to live.
Togepi: You need to get yourself a personality.
Totodile: Why?
Togepi: 'Cause yours is wondering over the road over there.
Totodile: That must have been one of my other personalities.
Togepi: Other?
Chikorita: (sigh) ......... I know! I'll ask Officer Jenny!
Jenny: Hello?
Chikorita: Can you help us? We're looking for the Vermillion City Gym, and we've asked
everyone, but they're all mad and WE NEED DIRECTIONS!!!
Jenny: I see. I am now going to place you under arrest.
Chikorita: What for?!
Jenny: For disturbing the peace with your shouting!
Chikorita: What peace?! Vermillion City is anything but peaceful, look at everyone shouting!
Jenny: That's true! I'll arrest everyone here, including myself! I had my radio too high last
night! Thanks for telling me! The word will be safer with all of us in jail!
(Jenny roars off in her motorcycle, bound in handcuffs, she crashes into a house)
Jenny: OW! I'm a multiple offender! Defacing property!
Everyone: (silently moans) ............
Togepi: (cheerfully) Shall we ask someone else, then?!
Charmander: (staring at the wreckage left by the deranged policewoman) I'd rather shave
my head with a chainsaw.
Pikachu: Me too.
Totodile: Am I alone in thinking that we should try and get home and forget the Gym?
Treeko: Nope.
(They turn to leave the city. They walk through the gatehouse)
Gatekeeper: Whither goest thou, young rogue? Can there remain some villainy thou hast not
yet committed?
Chikorita: Probably. I really think I'm losing the will to live.
Togepi: I think that everyone here is mad.
Everyone: (Stares at Togepi in disbelief) DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Togepi: Well Sor-ree!
Treeko: So, how are we going to get home?
Pikachu: I know! Look! The ocean!
Togepi: What's an ocean?
Pikachu: We can get the SS Anne!
Totodile: I thought it was the St. Anne?
Chikorita: It was the SS Anne in the Gameboy, but the St. Anne on the animé.
Charmander: Isn't it the SS Aqua now, anyway?
Togepi: (helpfully) Or the SS Tidal!
Treeko: (Bashes head into nearby lamppost) Why me?
***
Like it? Sorry about the weird ending, I couldn't think of better. This is my first fic with
actual people in, as some of you may have noticed, I do prefer using Pokémon, so don't expect
them in later fic. And as always, your comments are welcome at Dannichu@ukonline.co.uk, but
please don't be sending me mad phrases at the moment, I have enough to get on with!
Thanks! ^^