Pokémon Horoscopes

The horoscopes are back! This time they won't be as long, I'm afraid - I just couldn't pull it off. But it's better than nothing... they'll also be based on my Pokémon Zodiac rather than the traditional one. Oh, and Nidokingu helped me with these. ^^ All hail him.

These are changed randomly when we feel like it, so don't be surprised if they stay the same for months.

The Reign of Lugia (December 1st - December 18th)
At the dinner table, the carp you were going to eat will all of a sudden turn into a mad rampaging dragon.

The Reign of Articuno (December 19th - January 5th)
You will read a detailed article about Kingler having had a big part in the French Revolution.

The Reign of Suicune (January 6th - January 23rd)
You will receive a Luvdisc from somebody. You will, however, have to figure out on your own whether it was from a secret admirer or just an angry fisherman.

The Reign of Kyogre (January 24th - February 10th)
You will notice a strange man holding a CD to his pet's forehead.

The Reign of Regice (February 12th - March 1st)
The next person you talk to might become a very large part of your future. Use this information wisely.

The Reign of Registeel (March 2nd - March 19th)
You will step into what you believe is a pile of goo until you suddenly realize that you were stepping on yourself. Then you'll have a mental breakdown.

The Reign of Regirock (March 20th - April 6th)
One of the trees in your garden will start wriggling when you water it.

The Reign of Celebi (April 7th - April 24th)
You may find a Bulbasaur in your salad sometime in the future.

The Reign of Groudon (April 26th - May 13th)
Don't panic if you find a Tyranitar under your bed. It is actually going to protect you from danger that night.

The Reign of Entei (May 14th - May 31st)
You will get hit by a Sand-Attack, run inside and reach for a towel, only to realize that it was a Ninetales' tail and it put you under a 1000-year curse.

The Reign of Ho-oh (June 1st - June 18th)
A Persian will ambush you in a dark alley and beat you over the head with large sacks of money.

The Reign of Moltres (June 19th - July 6th)
You will go on a camping trip and get stalked by two playful Duskull.

The Reign of Rayquaza (July 8th - July 25th)
You will find your parents' car has four flat tires. A note scratched into the roof says "Sickle was here".

The Reign of Zapdos (July 26th - August 12th)
An evil Pidgeotto will attempt to pluck your eyes out when you enter its territory.

The Reign of Raikou (August 13th - August 30th)
Beware of red and white spheres. They could explode in your face.

The Reign of Jirachi (August 31st - September 17th)
A person with a creepy grin will shake hands with you - with both hands in his pockets.

The Reign of Deoxys (September 19th - October 6th)
While in the middle of a nice dream, you'll spot a Haunter eating the landscape.

The Reign of Mew (October 7th - October 24th)
When you pass by a casino, you'll feel a sudden urge to fly away before a gambler sees you.

The Reign of Latias (October 25th - November 11th)
Don't jump to conclusions about people's genders. It might earn you an angry response.

The Reign of Latios (November 12th - November 29th)
Next time you eat eggs, you will mysteriously be hypnotized.

The Reign of Mewtwo (February 11th, April 25th, July 7th, September 18th, November 30th and February 29th)
A man dressed as a woman and a woman dressed as a man will approach and tell you to prepare for trouble and make it double.

Page last modified August 13 2016 at 02:34 UTC

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