# Your Past Self



## Lady Grimdour (Jul 25, 2011)

(So you have one hour with your past self, your choice of age. What happens?)

(12 vs 18)
_Cool, a time machine!_
Don't fucking touch that. Anyway, I'm here because my life could be better and yours is not bat either, come to think of it. I'm gonna make it better.
_So this is like a prophecy?_
No. First things first, be fucking normal. That ninja amputated arm shit isn't gonna last past Year 8. And you will be the laughing stock.
_But the Sixth Formers like me!_
They see you as runts that do tricks. Focus on your work and don't let it get to you that it's easy; you just had a few lessons early.
_So I'm not smart? At least I'm actually tall here._
HAH. Biggest load of bullcrap I've heard. They have massive growth spurts and you will be dwarfed by Kieran.
_He's like the size of a plate._
And he will jump to 5"6. You will stay at 5". So drink your milk damn you.
_Anything else? Like how to be popular?_
Lose your ego, keep your shame. Everytime you face strangers, your thought is "blank slate. I can do anything." Then do anything. You will be applauded. Also, stick with Phill, Woody is an asshat, Tom is an asshat, Tracy will break you, Harry is an asshat, find other friends, pick Sarah over Kim, and just see what happens.
_So do I get to change my name?_
Don't fucking start. You're still changing, but to something decent. You're keeping John. And you need to take care of your skin. You're gonna be putting a lot of makeup on it.
_What?_
You dress up. Once you hit my age, you'll hit it into hyperdrive; you'll go out in heels and a catsuit in London and pass. Then you'll plan to live with that identity. Look up "bigender". And ask for a fucking desktop.
_Weeeird._
Oh, and be more discreet when you dress up.
_I don't do that stuff! That's weird._
If it didn't have any consequences I have the right mind to break your arm and feed it to you.
_Eew. So am I going to university?_
Ask me in a month's time, kid. You're aiming for Theatre Studies.
_Isn't that like plays and Shakespeare? That's gay._
Riddle me this, you runt: what type of people do theatre?
_Gays and girls._
Girls and gay guys, right. Now are those girls going to be dating the guys?
_No, they're gay!_
There. You have the whole field to yourself.
_OHHHHH._
Speaking of gender, you become bigender.
_WHAT_
Bigender. You have a male and female side to you. Well, different sides of the same you. Like a piece of paper. One side is male, the other female, but you're still one piece of paper.
_So I wear dresses and stuff OUTSIDE?_
Only done that once. And it was a relative success. My feet fucking hurt, though.
_GAAAY._
*18 year old me has 12 year old me in an ankle lock, he taps out*
_The hell was that for?_
Being annoying. Bye.
_Wait, what?_

Just realized I am such a bully.


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## Mendatt (Jul 25, 2011)

(13 vs 13 five minutes ago)
So...
_Hi..?
_Wassup.
_Not much. How did you get here.
_Time machine.
_Ah. Umm. Wouldn't this cause a bunch of paradoxes and stuff, possibly involving weird dragon things eating people?
_No.
_Okay. Ooh, time machine!_


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## octobr (Jul 25, 2011)

'fuck off you insufferable shit'
'oh'
and then i stop existing because past me has jumped out a window or something


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## Superbird (Jul 25, 2011)

That made me realize, Mendatt, that talking to yourself five minutes ago and then not being able to go back for an hour would cause a bigger paradox than just going back in time and killing your mother before you were born.

Anyway...

_Oh hey, a time machine._
Hi, past me. I have some advice for you.
_Oh? What might that be?_
Don't promise Emma you'll tell her. Just don't.
_Huh? Why—oh. So that would happen?_
I see you've already figured out the other side of the 50/50. Yeah, it will happen, and with an unfaborable outcome at that.
_Okay then. Thanks for the warning. But how am I supposed to deal with Emma then?_
Be creative. It's your future, after all.

...Not that interesting. Also I'd probably take that back if a better opportunity came up.


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## .... (Jul 25, 2011)

Superbird said:


> That made me realize, Mendatt, that talking to yourself five minutes ago and then not being able to go back for an hour would cause a bigger paradox than just going back in time and killing your mother before you were born.


Actually, the former would just become an endless loop. Mendatt [A] would go back five minutes to visit Mendatt *. Five minutes later, Mendatt  would become Mendatt [A] and the cycle would never end unless Mendatt [A] told Mendatt  to not go back in time, in which the loop will break.

With the latter, you would just be erased from existance.

-

Anyway, I'd just play hide and seek with my past self for an hour.*


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## Zero Moment (Jul 26, 2011)

Mawile said:


> Actually, the former would just become an endless loop. Mendatt [A] would go back five minutes to visit Mendatt *. Five minutes later, Mendatt  would become Mendatt [A] and the cycle would never end unless Mendatt [A] told Mendatt  to not go back in time, in which the loop will break.
> 
> With the latter, you would just be erased from existance.
> 
> ...


*

Wouldn't it be [A] visits , then goes on his way:  becomes [A], visits , and goes on his way...?*


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## .... (Jul 26, 2011)

Legendaryseeker99 said:


> Wouldn't it be [A] visits *, then goes on his way:  becomes [A], visits , and goes on his way...?*


*
I'd assume that [A] ceases to exist and  becomes the new [A].*


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## Mendatt (Jul 26, 2011)

Why..? I see no reason for A to cease to exist. B may become the new A, but B becomes the new A before the point where B becomes the new A, therefore... This is giving me a headache.


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## .... (Jul 26, 2011)

Well, * physically becomes [a].*


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## 1. Luftballon (Jul 26, 2011)

see, this is why time travel tends not to end well for anyone involved. well, other than hitler, perhaps.


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## Superbird (Jul 26, 2011)

For that scenario I was assuming that you're required to stay there for a full hour.

And for going back in time,
You go back in time and kill your mother before she had you which means you were never born which means you never went back to kill her which means she's still alive which means you were born which means you go back in time and kill your mother before she had you which means you were never born which means you never went back to kill her which means she's still alive which means you were born which means you go back in time and kill your mother before she had you which means you were never born which means you never went back to kill her which means she's still alive which means you were born which means you...

...That's a paradox if I ever saw one. Or an infinite circle, at least.


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## Zora of Termina (Jul 26, 2011)

19 year old me vs. 15 year old me, c. July 2007


_...Is that a time machine?

_Yes it is.

_Can I-_

No. Now listen up sweetheart. I'm here to make your life better. I'll be blunt, I'm you from the future.

_But how can you-_

Look at me. Don't turn away. Look. You survived. You got through it all. Now listen to me. Don't you ever let any of your classmates get to you. 'Specially not Shanyka. 

_Well why not, she's a-_

I know, she's a bitch now. She will be for a while yet. But she winds up pregnant in a few months time. You, well... you don't. She'll move downstate, and you'll only see her once after that. She'll make amends.

_...Okay...?_

Now then. That roleplay you just joined. You know the one. You don't know it yet, but that will become an integral part of your life years later, crazy as that sounds. Don't lose your patience with Flareth when she nags, promise me that. 

_She... nags? Why do I have to put up wi-_

You'll see. I'll say this. She may just turn out to be your best friend, years later. And by the way... that CC kid? _Don't._

_But I lo-_

No. No you don't. He's taking advantage of you, he doesn't give a shit. There's... better people around. *knowing smile* Better women, to be specific.

_...You mean I'm a lesbian?!
_
Got a problem with it? 

_Not really, but..._

Good. Also... try to make amends with Leisha. You'll regret it if you don't.

_Why...?_

I'm not at ease to say... by the way. Try to be better to Sue.

_Gollwitzer or Nelson?_

...Soon it won't be Gollwitzer anymore, but... Mrs. Nelson, mostly. She genuinely cares about you. I know you hate your job, but she tries her damnedest. Don't be so mean to her.

_But I don't like herrrrr D:_

Not an excuse. Hell... treat everyone better. I'll be frank. Past me, you're kind of an insufferable bitch.

_WHAT?! Why you... *charge*_

*grab by the hair, throw into the wall* Don't you pull that with me. That's exactly what I mean. You can't keep charging people like this, it's not going to get you any sort of respect.

_But... they're mean to-_

Because you pull shit like that. Take it from me. Right now you're just a joke to them. Mellow out.
_
I-_

No excuses.

_Okay..._

There we are. Now... please, tell Nick I said hello. He won't be around here much longer... and you know you'll miss him.

_He... leaves? But this place just won't be the same without him!_

Moves back to Barrington. Show him you appreciate him. Also... you may have noticed already, but stop trying to change yourself. Blue hair just won't look good on you.
_
But I /hate/ my hair!_

No you don't. You've got one of the most unique hair colors there is.

_But... but Jazz keeps making fun of me for my hair..._

But... it's _Jazz_. You're really gonna let something he says get to you?

_But-_

Come on. He's an asshole.

_Okay, but-_

No excuses.

_...fiiine..._

Good girl. Now I gotta go. There's a marathon I wanted to catch. *warp away*


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Jul 26, 2011)

And one of the reason why people should not attempt to travel in time. Ever.

Space is hard enough.

EDIT: aaah skipped a post.


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## Chief Zackrai (Jul 26, 2011)

--CURRENT Sizz-Lorr began pestering PAST Sizz-Lorr at ?:??--

CSZ: You are awful at thing called making friends, dude.

PSZ: What are you eluding to? I have plenty of companions.

CSZ: See? That is why people don't like you.

PSZ: What? My expansive vocabulary? I thoroughly enjoy confounding people who do not choose to utilize their intellect to it fullest extent. It eliminates the derelicts from my circle rather efficiently.

CSZ: No. Just, no. I like being like that too, but you only have like seven actual friends. Three of which don't even go to this school. You need to broaden your horizons.

PSZ: Why would I elect to do that? I enjoy my friends, no matter how inconsistent and sparse they may be.

CSZ: Because, you'll never make any more friends this way. And you know that.

PSZ: Again, what exactly are you getting at?

CSZ: The fact that you'll never really be happy this way. Yes, I do enjoy that side of us, and I wish I could access it more often, but it doesn't need to be the only side of us.

PSZ: I see. Perhaps you could elaborate further?

CSZ: That's all there is to it, you imbecile! Not everything has to have a second part and meaning.

PSZ: I don't believe you.

CSZ: Of course you wouldn't! Agh, why did I even think of this? Whatever. You'll figure everything out eventually. 

PSZ: Of course I will! It's obviously something I'm smart enough to figure out. You did. And I'm you!

CSZ: God you need friends.

--CURRENT Sizz-Lorr ceased pestering PAST Sizz-Lorr at ?:??--


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## Tailsy (Jul 26, 2011)

--CURRENT heinousFirebrand began pestering PAST heinousFirebrand at 03:13--

CHF: how old are you?

PHF: huh?
PHF: ... 14?

CHF: it gets so much better than this.

--CURRENT heinousFirebrand ceased pestering PAST heinousFirebrand at 03:15--


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## Dannichu (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi, younger self! I'm gonna level with you: you _still_ don't know what to do when you grow up. But I wouldn't worry about it, you've spent your whole life thus far just sort of doing what seems like a good idea, and you've had a pretty good time of it. Speaking of which, university was fantastic, you'll love it. And I completely envy you for being able to watch Buffy for the first time. 
Future Grabby says hi and that you should get a haircut. She's right.


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## Autumn (Jul 26, 2011)

i actually wrote a short story in which Polymetric from June 3rd, 2011 went back in time to visit Polymetric from October 18, 2009. Six days later I wrote an addition in which June 9th, 2011 Polymetric goes back to October 18th in order to inform both October 18th Polymetric and June 3rd Polymetric (who's still in that time period, having _just_ finished her conversation with October 18th Polymetric) of the stuff that would happen in the six days between the story of June 3rd Polymetric was written and June 9th happened.

technically I should really make a third edition with July 26th Polymetric popping in to inform all three of the other Polymetrics of all the other shit that's gone down since June 9th... hmm

(not posting any stories because they'd be long and dumb lol)


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## Blastoise Fortooate (Jul 26, 2011)

Dear me at around 11/12: Don't be so hung up about being changing around other guys at camp. They've all probably got what you do, and waiting for everyone else to leave doesn't work if a bunch of other kids are doing the same thing. Also, start washing your face to get in the habit.

Dear me of two and a half days ago: Don't buy that mini-gong. It's not as cool as you hope it is. The owl is though!


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## Michi (Jul 26, 2011)

Me to myself from 2009: 
2011me: Turn on a goddamn radio. You're depressing, egotistic, have almost no friends, and are a jackass. There's a woman on the radio who will totally change you, and who you'll pretty much worship.
_2009me: ... On the radio? Who? Music on the radio sucks._
2011me: Her name's Lady Gaga. Just trust me on this. Oh, and you're gay.
_2009me: I'M NOT A FA-_
2011me: Shut the fuck up, you are and you know it. *lectures 2009me for 50 minutes about that* Also, drop the emotionless act and start wearing brighter clothing. You won't regret it. *Poofs back to 2011*
_2009me: *ignores everything I said and life proceeds as normal*_


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## RespectTheBlade (Jul 26, 2011)

Current 14 year old me to 11 year old Past me circa 2007-2008-ish

-- CURRENT dignifiedSlicer began pestering PAST dignifiedSlicer at 21:42 --

CDS: Yo, wat up?

PDS: Um... Hi?

PDS: Why are you, uh, talking to me?

CDS: To give you some pointers. 

CDS: How old are you?

PDS: ...11, why?

CDS: Ok. Just listen to everything I say, don't interrupt. You're still at SAA, so two important things: Michael Sprague. You're gona call him, you guys are gunna be best buds. Two, forget about Sarah. That was probably the biggest mistake you ever made

PDS: Michael? I... I never thought about that.

PDS: And, I...I think I love Sarah.

PDS: Wait, how the heck do you know this stuff?!

CDS: I'll explain later.

CDS: And no, you don't. You have a crush on her, she thinks you're a creep. When you leave, she's gonna completely ignore you.

CDS: Which reminds me, you're leaving SAA in about a year.

PDS: WHAAT?!! But... My friends, everything...

CDS: Get over it. you leaving spurs two of the best moments of your life. Contact friends, but you're moving to Indiana. You're skipping 7th grade, goin to 8th. 

CDS: Youll get into Science Olympiad, two years straight. Freshman year you'll go to nats.

PDS: Get over it? How the heck am I suposed to get over losing all my friends?

CDS: Just trust me that things will get better.

PDS:....OK... but,

CDS: As a warning, 8th grade's gonna suck. You're gonna want to go on those pokemon forums Michael, Martin and Bryant always talk about. Give you some friends to talk to.

PDS: Something about... dragons, right? 

CDS: The Cave of Dragonflies. Go, you'll become an awesome dude who has a reputation for liking swords.

CDS: You'll also make a lot of friends.

CDS: And, talk about Fall Out Boy with someone named Silver. Do it, it's worth it.

PDS: I always did like swords...

CDS: You'll get a lot more into pokemon, that's good too. Never give it up.

PDS: I heard it was good...

CDS: Man, it's awesome. There's gona be a fifth gen and everything.

PDS: Woooah.

CDS: Two things: Romance is gonna be confusing in the future, ask for help. I'm not sayin who you'll meet, But don't close any doors. Love finds a lot of ways to find a person.

PDS: Ok...?

PDS: Wait, I'll meet someone.

CDS: Not givin any details.

CDS: Also, for the love of god, do NOT ask Leanne Marshall to the Semi-Formal dance Freshamn year. You got desprate, asked her, and she let you down. Don't make the same mistake again.

PDS: Wait, how do you

CDS: Also, you're gonna get a rep at school for being a genius. Be cool with it. But don't let homework get over your head, especially in the case of 8th grade Algebra 1.

PDS: But I

CDS: Also, always remember that if you don't think you have a friend in one place, there's always someone to talk to somwhere else.

PDS: Dude how do you know all this?!

CDS: I'm you, Simple as that. 

CDS: Final things: Music, go with Fall Out Boy and anything related, you'll end up liking a giant variety. Don't get involved with things you know are stupid, specially liking people at school who you know don't like you back. Also, you're gonna become versed in slam poetry, use the skill well.

CDS: don't give up any hopes to go to MIT, and try and become an astrophysicist.Set your dreams and hopes high, a lot of awesome stuff will happen. Trust me.

CDS: Oh. and your favorite pokemon's gonna be a Gallade. Michael will tell you what that is shortly. You'll find a Gardevoir soon enough. (You'll also know what that means soon enough.) Your name on  the forums... what have you thought?

PDS: Uh, I really don't know... Um... Maybe something like Random1, maybe...?

CDS: NO. Go with RespectTheBlade. Just do it.

PDS: That's... That's actually pretty cool. 

CDS: I know.

CDS: I got to go now, time constraint and all. Remember my advice, take it well.

CDS: Stay sharp, My friend, er, self.

CDS: (Sword puns, heh heh. I'm freaking HILARIOUS. heheheheh.)

PDS: Um.... Thanks, I guess...?

PDS: I don't know whether to believe this all or not...

CDS: You don't have any real reason to believe this isn't real, do you?

PDS: ..... 

CDS: Yeah, that's what I thought. Be you in a few years. 

PDS: Same, I guess.

CDS: Alright. Later, bro.

-- CURRENT dignifiedSlicer ceased pestering PAST dignifiedSlicer at 22:12 --


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## Eloi (Jul 26, 2011)

Oooh, sounds interesting.

2011me: Hi there!
2005me: Good day, how are you?
2011me: Uh. Fine. Thanks. I'm you.
2005me: Yay!
-selfhug-
2005me: So does this mean you can save the lives of people near death and then send them back to the far future where its utopian and the reason you waited till is now is so you'er able to predict what they want by observing their actions now?
2011me: No, this is just a plot device.
2005me: You use cruddy plot devices like time travel without thinking through the implications? Am I really that bad of a writer in the future?
2011me: Shut up and listen I need to tell you that-
2005me: Ooooh, maybe you can tell me things 9/11esque events so I can prevent them!
2011me: .... .... I don't know of any, the news is depressing.
2005me: Yeah it is...
2011me: You're powerless anyway. Um, anywho,  you're a girl. 
2005me: Uh, no, I'm not. 
2011me: How will you deal with puberty?
2005me: I'll prevent it with my superior willpower! I don't wanna be all hairy and I want to not have a speck of hair on my face, and I want long head-hair. 
2011me: Like most guys?
2005me: ...they're all scared of puberty too aren't they? Just weaker willed and thus can't prevent it?
2011me: Nope.
2005me: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm scared! I didn't know I was a girl! But that makes so much sense in retrospect! Like why I identify with almost exclusively girl characters! This is bad! D=
2011me: S'okay! You have the maturity to deal with the-
2005me: My parents won't love me! And I'll lose my friends! What am I going to do? And-
2011me: >_< *mindwipes* *teleports away*

Well, that accomplished stuff. x3


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## Silver (Jul 26, 2011)

*imagine doctor who tardis*

...why is there a time machine there

Because there is now shut up, sit up straight, and listen.

...okay...

Dammit stop being so accepting. Your best friend? She's a complete bitch who will compete with you over a guy you don't even really like. You'll find someone who is soooo much better. Trust me on that.

Well if I stop being accepting why should I listen to you?

...Oh god shut up. Also, you know how you like changing things on that one site?

Yeah..

Well don't change it. Don't lie. Because there is no reason to. You don't want to lie to the one person you've come to trust so much, cuz it's not good. You trust them with your life, so don't be stupid.

Whatistheirname

Nope. Don't worry they come to you first. And when you get depressed, don't be stupid. Because that...it won't be good. You have to look for Madison once you get to RMS, cuz she is a better friend than her. Believe me.

I don't know anyone by that name...?

Oh you'll find her. And one more thing.

Yes?

WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR IT'S TERRIBLE.

o.o

Kbye. *zoom*


If only this did happen....*sigh*


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## Squornshellous Beta (Jul 26, 2011)

--CURRENT squornshellousBeta began pestering PAST squornshellousBeta at 08:18--

CSB: Hello.
PSB: You're me from the future, aren't you.
CSB: Yes. I'm nineteen. You're eleven, yes?
PSB: Sure am.
CSB: Okay, listen to me _very carefully_. You know Michael? Don't trust him, just remain friends, if even that. And you'll meet a guy called Jake in a few years' time. Don't trust him either. I made those mistakes and I have the wounds to show for it.
PSB: Wounds?
CSB: You _do not_ want to get into relationships with them, okay? Just trust me on this. I have experience as my guide.
PSB: Okay, okay.
CSB: And by the way, your anti-gay and anti-trans opinions? Yeah, completely stupid. Like, _completely_ stupid. Seriously. That's mom and dad rubbing off on you.
PSB: That's a low blow.
CSB: True, but it gets the point across. Heck, at this moment in time I'm a lesbian myself and have a minimum of three transgender friends.
PSB: What? No. No no no. Who on earth could make me do that?
CSB: No-one _makes _you do anything. If you mean who am I with, it's Joanna.
PSB: ...Oh.
CSB: And on [date redacted] _for god's sake tell Joanna you're at home ill_ okay. If you don't, well, again I have experience to tell me you don't want to find out.
PSB: Are you sure?
CSB: Yes, I am sure. Why do you always doubt things that are clearly true?
PSB: I dunno.
CSB: Well, yes. And also, no matter how you may feel, don't try to resort to suicide, okay? I never managed it, but with the timeline now modified, I don't know if you will... Just don't do it, for the sake of those who rely on us. Okay?
PSB: Okay, okay.
CSB: Good. I'll be checking in on you at some point in your future, and reminding you of important things. See you around, me.

--CURRENT squornshellousBeta ceased pestering PAST squornshellousBeta at 09:18--


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## Silver (Jul 26, 2011)

Totally just thought of something else I should think of from like Jan. or something

SILVER remember how Cloudsong said to take care of Professor Fluffypants?

...Yes ;; Cloudyy ;;

DON'T FORGET HIM CUZ HE IS AN ADORABLE PENGUIN THAT IS CLOUDY'S THAT YOU NEED TO REMEMBER!! Oh and don't worry about anything your friend will be back and you'll make a new one who is forever your BBB and you'll know what that means eventually. Kbye.

...o.o

I totally forgot about Cloduy's penguin till a few days ago D:


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## Coroxn (Jul 26, 2011)

Fourteen year old me Versus Thirteen year old me.

Oh, hey, past self. I have some super-cool warning for you.

_Ah, future. I've been expecting you._

What? How does-

_I knew I'd eventually create time travel, and I knew I'd realise it's a terrible and costly mistake and come back to kill myself, sacrificing my existence for the good of the world. Well, not today! *Draws gun*_

Where the fuck did you get a gun? This is Ireland, they're illegal.

_Don't you know? You should have got one too, about a year ago._

Nope.

_Strange. Die now *Fires but misses due to crappy aim*_

*Slaps Thirteen year old me in the face*. That was just pathetic. Look, don't let those bastards fuck with you, they're all actually the world's biggest cowards. Study hard, so that you can beat Jack in those tests. 

_Jack?_

New friend. You don't know him yet. He's cool.

_*Past self tries to shoot me again, I grab the gun and bonk him on the head*_

Wow, that's a nasty bang. I'll probably have amnesia after this. Which would explain the whole me not remembering my future self visiting me thing. I suppose I'll keep the gun so the universe doesn't implode. And, well, cause I always wanted a gun. Who am I talking to right now? Whatever.


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## MentheLapin (Jul 27, 2011)

Present day me meets 12-year-old me.

Uh... hey, old me.

_Huh? *walks faster*_

W-wait, no! Come back! I-I know where you live!

_...How?_

Because I'm you, t-two and a half years into the future...

_Erm..._

D-don't ask.

_Are you okay? You seem to be stuttering a little..._

I... I guess I must have got more awkward with age...

_It's okay. I'm a little shy too. So, why are you here?_

I just wanted to talk to old me. Preserve your innocence and all that.

_Go ahead then._

Well, first, don't be afraid of who you are.

_Huh?_

One day you'll succumb to the bullies and realise that they were right all along, but don't be afraid.

_I have no idea what you're talking about._

Just... just remember it. And don't get too emotionally attached to the people in your class. They're all backstabbing twats.

_Even Adam?_

Especially Adam.

_Oh... oh dear. But... I will have friends, right?_

Yup. Don't leave the library. Stay there. It's where your true friends are, the ones who like you for who you are rather than the things they think that you can give them.

_Okay... thanks._

Anyway, must run. Got a hot date with Pablo.

_Pablo!?_

...You'll understand it when that advert gets broadcast. It's a good advert.

_Erm... okay. Bye._

Oh, one last thing.

_What?_

Don't worry so much. Everything turns out good in the end.

_All of it?_

Fuck no. Just don't do anything stupid like try to... y'know.

_No, I don't happen to know at all._

Don't try to... don't even entertain the thought of sui-- just... don't get too down in the dumps, will you?

_Okay!_

Anyway... I'll see you in two and a half years, then.

_No, I'll see me._

This is confusing. I should leave...


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## Flora (Jul 27, 2011)

I'm doing my past self from December because I have some very important advice.

HI there, past self.

_Your...your...

_My what???

_YOUR HAIR IS STRAIGHT!_

...Yes, my hair is straight. Perma-straightener.  Anyways, I have important advice for you.

_Yes, oh all-knowing self from years in the future?_

...It's July 2011 where I come from. Back to the point, you know Jeanine's New Years party coming up?

_Jeanine's having a New Years party?

_Yes, she is. Go kick her neighbor in the balls for me.

_W-why?

_Because I want to. Also because it will save you from a month or so of pervertedness and freaking out.  And save Jeanine, Dominque and your sisters from having their brains utterly _broken_ by the knowledge of what happens.

_O...okay.

_And that whole thing with your minor jealousy of Rich? That'll go away by New Years.

_It better, I'm holding you to that._

Trust me, it will.


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## Jolty (Jul 27, 2011)

"hey 12 year old self"
"...what"
"in like November you'll meet this dude on TCOD and his username will be Hyper_Pichu"
"ok?"
"don't have anything to do with this cunt ok, don't talk to him ever ever ever ever"
"ok"


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## Tarvos (Jul 27, 2011)

it gets better


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## Arylett Charnoa (Jul 27, 2011)

It goes like this. Let's turn back the clock to when I was... 14. Yeah, that's a good time. Also, yes, I am extremely self-depreciating.

*Past Arylett:* ...Let me guess, you're me from the future.
*Future Arylett:* You're smarter than I expected. Then again, I would expect myself to be paranoid about seeing myself from the future if I saw a person who looked like an older version of myself. Especially if it happened now and somehow, 25 year old Arylett came to town.
*Past Arylett:* I haven't changed one bit, have I? That's almost exactly what I'd say now.
*Future Arylett:* Barely. I'm still the same idiot I was before.
*Past Arylett:* Damn. How old are you anyway?
*Future Arylett:* 19.
*Past Arylett:* ..._What_. That's me when I'm 19? I look like I'm 16! I thought I'd look like some sort of sex goddess or _something_ awesome.
*Future Arylett:* No. Sadly, I'm just as much of a loser as you. I never change.
*Past Arylett:* Please tell me you at least overcame your shyness and have a million friends and that you don't have those crazy personal issues anymore.
*Future Arylett:* ... ;;Looks guilty;;
*Past Arylett:* Noooo. Why are you even here? I don't want to know that I won't change!
*Future Arylett:* Um... well, I'd tell you something bad to avoid in the future, but if I did, I wouldn't be who I was today.
*Past Arylett:* You mean, a useless waste of space.
*Future Arylett:* You never know. If I told you, I could turn out being like five times more useless than I am already.
*Past Arylett:* True.
*Future Arylett:* So instead... why don't we go eat some ice cream and forget the whole thing?
*Past Arylett:* How could I forget THIS?
*Future Arylett:* Well, I suppose I'll tell you that in the future... you forget a lot of things surprisingly quick. Better start now. Before, you know, that guy comes in and breaks your heart...
*Past Arylett:* Guy? What guy?
*Future Arylett:* Whoops! Said too much. I'll let you discover the funness of him for yourself.
*Past Arylett:* Oh, come on! 
*Future Arylett:* Can't, sorry. Anyway... I guess I need to start saying generic positive things or whatever about how much better everything is.
*Past Arylett:* You got nothing, don't you?
*Future Arylett:* ...Sure I do! It's... um... well, other than the guy that breaks your heart... there's... some good people and stuff, yeah. They aren't gone YET, as of this point. Then there's... um... clearer mind! Sort of, yeah! Your mind gets a bit clearer... stuff becomes easier to understand... and um.. oh! Look at the time. I really must get going. Toodles!
*Past Arylett:* Wait! Man... I'm so weird in the future, I'm all over the place!
*Future Arylett:* Sure am! Sorry though, time waits for no man! Or woman... thing... in my case. Also, one last thing. You know the thing about your soul?
*Past Arylett:* Yeah?
*Future Arylett:* Still alive and kicking. 'Least that's another good thing I can say. I've still got epic imagination, don't worry. I'm still just as much of a kid as I look, on the inside. And that's not really a bad thing. Makes life less boring. 
*Past Arylett:* Well... I guess that's relieving to know. Will I ever see you again?
*Future Arylett:* Of course you will! In about four years. 
*Past Arylett:* ;;Finger counts;; ...I think that's five. Do I suck even more at math in the future too?
*Future Arylett:* Oh no, I'd say I suck just as equally. Anyway, goodbye! ;;Hops into time machine;;
*Past Arylett:* ... ;;Just stares after;;


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## Loffyglu (Jul 28, 2011)

(Oh man this is absolutely amazing; totally doing this |D)

*Bold: 16-year-old self*
_Italic: 13-year-old self_

**thinks: ...Oh wow, I forgot how awful my hair looked back then...**
_*thinks: Holy geez am I really gonna get that fat when I'm in high school? ;w;*_
*Hey, why don't you get off the Internet for a while?*
_D: B-b-b-b-b-but...!_
*Trust me. Just for a little while, to think about what the hell kind of path you're about to go down.*
_BUT I CAN'T I CAN'T EVER EVER LEAVE THE COMPUTER OR ELSE---_
*Do it. Seriously. Think about your current frame of mind, and you can go back when you're not as much of a screwed-up asshole. And while I'm at it, get away from that fat scenester from school you've gotten together with, too.*
_........ *sits in a corner crying to everyone she knows on the Internet all day every day about what her future self just told her*_
**massages temples* Geez, no wonder everyone hated me back then...*

tl;dr past!Loffy was a moron and I hate my past self just like everybody else does :V


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## Black Yoshi (Jul 28, 2011)

Current Me: Normal text
2005 Me: _Italics_

...What are you drawing?

_Yoshi._

Figured. That'll become very important when you get addicted to the internet.

_Excuse me?_

Whatever you do kid, keep drawing. You kinda' suck now, and if you don't practice every fu-er, every single day, you'll lose it all. Particularly 2006.

_I don't fully understa-_

Shut up, I'm speaking. A new kid is moving here, he'll befriend you through Branden. Kyle. He's alright, but don't spend _too_ much time with him, or you'll end up being extremely rude to stupid people. Branden is still alright, but too much time with _him_ means you'll get lazier and start doing nothin but watch anime from the 90s.

_But how do you know this?_

Been there, done that. Also, never get attracted to a girl. And you better not get attracted to any men, either. Romance isn't your department, dude. There's a time and place for everything, and it's called college.

_... I don't get it-_

Shut up. Now, start doing workouts every night before bedtime, or you'll be just as pathetically skinny as you are now. You only need to do like ten every night, so suck it up and do it. Also, make sure you read. Out loud. A lot. Save your money. You'll have to blow it all on a new Xbox 360 in a few years.

_Is that the one coming out in November? I want a Wii, not that. And since we got a Playstation 2 when I wanted a Gamecube, Eli doesn't get to pick this time._

Well you're not getting it. Your brother is clearly the favorite, and he's going to be far superior to you in pretty much every way, except you'll be taller and draw better, so get used to not having it your way. He gets the girls, the popularity, the massive number of friends, and you get to sit at home and watch reruns of "Family Matters." Good day to you, sir. I'm off to slay the walrus. Good luck with the fourth grade.

_... What just happened?_


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## Jason-Kun (Jul 28, 2011)

Polymetric Sesquialtera said:


> i
> (not posting any stories because they'd be long and dumb lol)


B...but that'd be fun to read.

(11vs18)

_Cool a time machine._
Yeah. You know that girl you like?
_You mean Breana?_
Yeah. She's not worth it, though she'll help you.
_How?_
With...her in five years.
_But I'm supposed to be dating now._
Shut up, that's stupid. Just remember not to dump her after prom.
_Breana?_
No, I said she wasn't worth it, remember?
_Then why'd I dump the girl?_
It has to do with...Destini. 
_What?_
You'll remember this conversation when you're considering dumping her. Don't.
_Okay, but could you tell me more about her?_
She's younger than you but worth it.
_But I don't know anyone-_
Don't sweat it, you'll know when you meet her.
_Why'd I dump her then? Is it my destiny?_
No. Listen, you'll remember this a few times over the years. Keep it in mind. Now listen, I gotta go do Friendship is Magic stuff.
_That sounds like a girls' show. D:_
You like the Powerpuff Girls, it isn't that different.


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## Light (Jul 28, 2011)

Me at 17 talking to me at 11:

2011: Hey, kid!

2005: Who are you?

2011: I'm you six years from now.

2005: Whoa! Mom and dad finally let me dye my hair black?

2011: Let's not jump to conclusions. Anyway, we have important matters to discuss.

2005: Like what?

2011: This fall you'll be going into 6th grade. Don't homeschool, stay at the school you're in. You need the exposure, trust me. Besides, it's a shame if you loose contact with Daniel.

2005: What? But I was going to homeschool with a friend at his house. It was going to be awesome!

2011: As great as that was, it's not worth it. Oh, and I know you're worried about middle school being all strict and stuff. Don't sweat it. Push the rules a little. Goof off. You don't want to end up being all boring and _serious_, do you?

2005: Won't the kids all be bad in middle school? Cussing all over the place and stuff? Obsessed with... sex?

2011: And that's another thing. Get used to it. And please, _don't judge people_. Heck, drop a d-bomb once sometime next year.

2005: Don't tell me... you don't... like... you haven't given in...

2011: Yes, you definitely like girls, so stop fighting it. Your crusade on the nastiness of sex is unbelievably immature.

2005: Nooo! Everyone breaks at some point!

2011: Just _shut up_.

2005: ...

2011: Guess what else. *smiles* You end up liking screamo music.

2005: O.O

2011: Go google Paramore. They'll be really popular in about four years, and you'll be able to say you liked them a long time ago, which will be awesome. And All-American Rejects will be your first favorite band. Keep playing piano for a few years, but pick up electric guitar soon too.

2005: *on the verge of being on the verge of tears*

2011: Ok, bye.


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## Worst Username Ever (Jul 28, 2011)

Current WUE(17 years) meets _11-12 year old WUE_, only back then she wasn't known as WUE.

Qiote a long one but there's so much I want to tell past!me.


*sees past!me at her computer* Um... hi.

_..._

Hey, it's okay! I'm ...you. You when you're 17.

_Really? Well, you do look kind of like me, just older... and with boobs._ 

I guess... So anyway, I'm here to tell you about... *looks at her writing something* What's... this?

_It's my new fanfic! Look, the main character has a Sneasel for a starter! Sneasels are so cool and cute and~_

...*remember her first fanfic with horror* Oh... yeah. I see. You know, and I'm saying this as your older self, that's story's not really good. As in... it needs lots of work...

_B-but... I worked so hard on it! It's great! And I'm still a beginner so I will get better, I..._

To be honest, writing's not really your strong talent... But drawing might be! *takes a piece of paper from printer* Hey, got a pencil? And an eraser?

_*hands older self pencil and eraser*_

Thanks. Now... *sketches up an anthro cat, as younger me watches in awe*

_Wooow! That's so cooool! I'm going to be that awesome when I'm your age? You're really good at drawing! I hate not being good..._

*proud* Well, thanks, though this is just a quick sketch... you should see them when theyre scanned in and colored digitally. Though, ithey're still not that good. Still suffers from some anatomy problems, but I'm practising that... hey, could you do me a favor, even though you won't listen to me? Go learn anatomy. Now, it will really help you, especially if you learn it and try using it early on rather than struggling with incorporating it when you have already drawn for many years... at the very least make sketches and guidelines before you draw! You will improve a lot!

_But anatomy's booooring! And guidelines take long time and are not importa-_

Yes, they are. And anyway, you need to work a bit to get nice drawings... I usually use at least one hour for my current drawings, if not more.

_*shock* ONE HOUR? That's like... forever!_

And it's neccessary. By the way, see who this is? It's someone you know... one of your characters...

_No clue... a cat?_

*laughs* Does this help? *grabs a purple pencil and starts coloring cat*

_Looks sort of like... Kuzie? But Kuzie doesn't look like- she has antennas, and no hair!_

Well, she does now... I made a few changes to her and put her into a new story, she's a regular cat now. But you know, I still kept her original design in mind... you see her bangs? They're in the same shape as the marking on her head. And she's still purple...

_But, that means you're still a furry? I knew I would still be..._

I guess, though I don't call myself that anymore... it's a long story.
_
...So, I guess you're really me, huh? That's cool, although I wish you wouldn't be so rude about advice... but anyway..._

So, about why I got here... I would just like to tell you a few things... you know how school is now?

_It sucks! They're so mean to me..._

...I know, and that's what I was going to tell you about... Know what? I know everyone's said this to you before, and that you're sick of hearing it... heck, I'm sick of hearing it to this day- but just don't listen to them.

_BUT THAT DOESN'T HELP, THEY STILL SAY-_

I know they do. And I don't mean "don't listen to them, it will make them stop", because it won't - trust me, I know, but as in... just try to bear with them for some more years. I know it's hard, and I know it seems like a long time... but in... say, the 9th grade, they'll grow up and stop that shit. A few will say something now and then, but it's no tmore than you can handle.

_BUT HOW WILL I MANAGE ALL THOSE YEARS-_

Well, I turned out okay, didn't I? By the way, a while before high school, you'll also start getting more friends...

_...I don't need any friends._

Yes, you do, don't give me that crap... Besides, you have Victoria, you know? And Emina? They're your friends, no? You like being with them?

_Well, they... I guess they are, guess you're right... but still I don't want friends like the girly-girl bimbos in my class! They wear makeup when they're freakin' 11! And they scream too much!_

I see... well, I can tell you that they're going to get better... Though they might be slightly bitchy now, they'll grow out of it, and grow out of their screaming too... luckily, I can argee with you that was annoying. And you'll also learn that even though they might be "girly", that doesn't make them bad people. They might not share your interests, but you'll be able to tolerate them... and you only mention girls? Tried talking to any of the boys- oh, I forgot. They're mostly into sports and such... my bad. Anyway, like I said, they will get better!

_...Really?_

Trust me. Everything will get better. It's just a fact that at your age, many kids are bastards. They'll grow out of it. Oh, and about your friends?

_...yeah?_

I can tell you one thing: you might not believe it now, but you'll slowly grow away from Emina. After a while, you're just too different and share no interests... but Victoria will stay. And... before starting high school, you'll get many more of them. Many of them comes from your hobby of... I think you've... I've heard of it at that age... cosplaying.

_Cosplaying? You mean dressing up in character costumes? That's cool... I want to do it some time..._

And you will. Anyway, Victoria will introduce you to this... and you'll get more friends. By this point, you get better with some of your social awkwardness too.

_That's cool..._

For the rest of your interests... you'll keep on gaming. You like Pokémon now, don't you? Well, you'll still do, even more, Pokémon's going to be pretty cool in the future. You'll play lots of Mario too... basically most of Nintendo. That's great, kid, keep on gaming!

_Sounds good..._

Oh, and you know the Zelda games? Try them out. Really. They're great.

_I heard good things about them..._

And they're pretty much true. Secondly, in middle school you'll gain an interest in anime and manga, which will stay with you for a long time. But whatever you do, please try resisting the urge to use Japanese words in sentences now and then. It makes you sound like a weeaboo.

_Weeaboo?_

*Wait... did that word exist back then?* ...Yeah... it means... it's not a good thing. But anime is, some of them at least. And this is part of the reason you get into cosplay too... 

_Interesting..._

But, I have to go now. Well, remember my advice, and stay awesome. Then you'll be like me in some years...


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Aug 1, 2011)

Hello, self from three years ago. Don't be friends with Marie, she's a crazy bitch will leech money off you and dump her imaginary problems on you, so don't be afraid to hurt her feelings and tell her to fuck off. Don't hang around the library like a little creep and actually go down to the préau, ignore your class completely, and make friends with the mixed-nationality Swedish, Dutch and English table next to the stairs to the art room, that'll save you a few years of being mopey. You'll all be great friends in a few years anyway.
Make sure you talk to Oscar sooner and don't be a little bitch about telling him your feelings. Don't lose your patience with him too much or have your expectations up too high, he's not just intelligent and excentric, he has genuine mental problems. That boy ain't right, so just keep that in mind and don't hold it against him.

Also yeah just pay attention in maths class, the stuff covered is far too difficult (more than half of your year will miserably fail their exam) but you'll need the extra boost to get into university. Right now, I'm in it up to here because of you, you little punk.

Then I'd spit on my face and poof away.


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## spaekle (Aug 1, 2011)

Hey, 15 year old self!

Nothing you say or do matters at this age and there's not a thing your teachers can do to stop you should they disagree with you. You're never going to see any of these people again and it really is going to get better. Abuse the hell out of this knowledge.

Also stop drawing stupid shit and work on getting better.


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## ultraviolet (Aug 2, 2011)

Throw out your phone, you can't trust yourself to use it properly. You know you're just going to upset someone.


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## Spoon (Aug 3, 2011)

Fourteen year-old self, I know you've been feeling pretty down lately, but don't let that isolate yourself from your friends. They're a darn good bunch and talking to them will only help.


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## Storm Earth and Fire (Aug 3, 2011)

Traveling back to 2006...

You look just like me!

_That's because I _am _you. From the future. You won't physically age past 15._

Forever?

_No, I suspect the facial hair will come eventually._

Awww... So why are you doing this? Doesn't time travel never end well?

_I don't have time to get into a discussion with my past self over the merits of time travel. Anyway, I'm doing this for a thread on tCoD._

tCoD?

_The Cave of the Dragonflies? Totally fantastic informative Pokemon site? You will join them because Pokemon Crater's forums will finally die, and when they return, they will only discuss the actual game, leading you to seek a new community to roleplay at._

That is a great site, but I've never touched the forums. I won't mess everything up by registering right now, will I?

_Uhh... you will watch an anime that does time travel very nicely. According to it, that probably won't do much, but I don't suggest changing world lines._

Wha-

_Anyway, stop being communist._

Why? Soviets are the shit, man.

_Yeah, sadly the Chinese Communist Party is not._ _Anyway, even if you end up doing better in school due to this visit, for my sake, go to UT Dallas no matter what. The folks are great, and you will want to get away from the house. That said, while college is fun, you still have to actually do work._

Whatever you say. So, what do you do up in the future?

_Meet interesting people, go to anime conventions, get good at 2D fighting games._

What kinda music do you listen to?

_Whatever you listen to, plus some other stuff. You will actually rather like Kanye West. You will stop listening to 2Pac. Yousei Teikoku might seem really cool, but I guarantee you, no matter what Logan says, Asriel is better. Too lazy to mention other things, but it's all good since you will inevitably enjoy it._

OK... anything else about what I do?

_Yeah, watch things besides romantic comedy anime. Seriously. Take a break from the ecchi to discover stuff. May I suggest Aria? It will air next year. It is the greatest thing ever._

I dunno, man, I'm quite adverse to shounen action shows.

_It's not a shounen action show. I avoid those too. Trust me, I'm you from the future after all. Anyway, there's more important shit to cover. High school is going to be cool. Everyone from middle school will be there, and I know you're good at meeting people. That's a valuable skill in college. There's going to be drama around you, but you will pretty much never need to take part. It's good practice for college. You, however, will live a rather uneventful existence. Unless you change that._

I will keep that in mind, I suppose. So, uh, what sort of people do I meet, then?

_In high school, relatively normal people. In college... a loveable asshole, an androgynous gay man and the formerly anorexic girl whose dependent on him, a black gay guy who doesn't seem gay at all, until you try and bring up moe, some hyperactive nerds, and the crew will be rounded out by generally cool people. By the way, there's nothing wrong with crossdressing done well._

What...? What the hell happens?

_Don't worry about it._


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## RosesBones (Aug 4, 2011)

Me now (13) to me in late 2005 (8).

*teleports in*

Listen carefully. I want you to remember this. No, don't talk. I only have a little while.

So basically, I'm you in the future. Not all that far, but a few years. I need you to remember a few things to help you along, okay? Great.

I know that school sucks right now. All of the work is too easy, you don't like your teachers, and everyone thinks you're weird. School is gonna suck all the way through 8th grade, but middle school is much better than elementary. Plus you'll skip 5th grade, and that will make things so much better. Suddenly, things won't be so easy anymore! That's a good thing. Keep yourself challenged.

Remember that most of your teachers aren't that bad. It seems like it now, but they're doing their best and they are pretty cool. There are a few that aren't great, but most are pretty awesome, so try not to give them too much trouble.

When you get to 9th grade, everything will suddenly get better. You will have many friends, awesome teachers, and classes you enjoy. Look forward to it! School won't suck forever.

In about a year you're going to get a thing called a tamagotchi. You are going to cherish that for a very long time. Be good to your tamagotchi, and don't freak out when the battery dies. He'll be alright.

Revel in the rain. It will become rare. Don't listen to anybody who tells you you'll get sick. They're wrong. Go ahead and stand in the rain.

You'll probably forget most of this, but remember this: Don't be afraid to grow up. Don't stop reading. Find beauty in the world. And for my sake, brush your teeth! The braces won't be so bad, and in a few years they'll come off.

I'd best be off! Have fun for me!

*teleports out*

Past Me: *blinks*


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## shy ♡ (Aug 4, 2011)

Invest in Apple and Google. Also contact Chris Colfer and become bffs.


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## Automata heart (Aug 5, 2011)

hi younger me.
stop being so clingy and yandere, try being cuter and more innocent. work harder in math, grow your hair, you need glasses, try smiling and talking to people you meet, or you seem like rude little cynical sh*t, get on facebook, those people are going to help you through a hell of a lot. when mum and dad break up you'll be fine. just be cute and quiet and you'll be good. your pretty much the same. you like all the same things and become a huge fan of cardcaptor sakura. stay with desiree, no matter how much she annoys you at times. you will love her a lot latter. getting mice is not a good idea. 
love, future you.


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## Murkrow (Aug 5, 2011)

I find it a bit funny how in the posts so far, the present selves swear while the past selves don't at all.


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## Worst Username Ever (Aug 5, 2011)

Yeah, you have a point. Though, this was actually true for my past self.


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## sv_01 (Aug 6, 2011)

[I don't remember when it is]

Me: Umm... Hello.
Past me: Hello. How did you get here?
Me: I know how strange it sounds, but I am an older version of you. I think I already see the similarity.
Past me: I think I see it too. Won't interacting with me change your timeline?
Me: I think I will return to my own, but yours will turn in a different direction.
Past me: That's not how it works in Star Trek.
Me: It isn't but it makes sense. By the way, have you already seen the twelfth episode of the first season of Voyager?
Past me: That's the Beowulf one! And we saw the eleventh episode after it. I don't understand why [my brother's name] hid under that desk. There was nothing scary!
Me: And... You haven't seen the Beowulf movie yet?
Past me: So there is a Beowulf movie? *hopeful smile* Have you seen it?
Me: I've only seen the beginnning. I ran away. I know you are curious about the monster, but it's nothing to look forward to. That might have been when I realized that there can be humanoid monsters. That aren't animal-based, like King Kong. And they are the worst. A monster that is based on an animal, or several animals, or a plant, or something inanimate, like a heap of slime, or a robot, can qualify as a monster just by being unusually big or looking very strange, but it can even be beautiful. But if a humanoid is supposed to be a monster, it must be bigger than those disfigured humanoids from Star Trek, and uglier than them. If it's not ugly, it's just a giant, and if it's not big, it's just a zombie.
Past me: Uglier than the one from that ENT episode? I can't imagine it.
Me: That's only good for you. Oh, and I watch DS9.
Past me: Really? I thought it was unavailable.
Me: [my brother's name] found it somewhere.
Past me: That's great!
Me: I think I should go now. I know I will return to the exact time when I left, but I'm leaving anyway.
Past me: *puts her right hand in the correct position* Live long and prosper.
Me: *makes the same hand sign* You too. *leaves.*


(I actually performed the full version of the Vulcan salute to my favorite teacher when I was leaving that school, and he answered with "you too" as well, and my future self would surely qualify as someone special who understands me that I probably won't meet again, so it seems to be in character. I was a huge Star Trek fan back then)


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