# Vipera Magnifica versus Ether's Bane



## kyeugh (Apr 7, 2015)

[size=+2]*Vipera Magnifica vs Ether's Bane*[/size]
[size=+1]*Welcome to /r/atheism*[/size]​


Ether's Bane said:


> Reserved for VM.
> 
> Format: 2v2, Singles
> Style: Set
> ...


*Vipera Magnifica's active squad*

 *Violent Mustelid* the male Mienfoo <Regenerator>
 *Finbarr Galedeep* the male Buizel <Swift Swim> @ Never-Melt Ice
 *Master Belch* the male Sliggoo <Gooey> @ Lucky Egg
 *Darude* the male Trapinch <Hyper Cutter> @ Eviolite
 *Li Feng* the female Seviper <Shed Skin> @ Black Sludge
 *Ophelia* the female Snivy <Overgrow>
 *Vile Myriapoda* the female Venipede <Swarm>
 *Libertad* the female Hawlucha <Unburden> @ Flying Gem
 *Kamohoalii* the male Carvanha <Rough Skin>
 *Rockefeller* the male Shellder <Skill Link> @ Water Stone


*Ether's Bane's active squad*

*Milenko* the male Skarmory <Sturdy> @ Rocky Helmet  
*Voyde* the female Spiritomb <Pressure>  
*Cyrix* the female Miltank <Scrappy> @ Leftovers  
*Frost* the genderless Cryogonal <Levitate>  
*Gulch* the male Durant <Swarm> @ Life Orb  
*Rift* the female Drilbur <Sand Rush>  
*Kallamehr* the male Klefki <Prankster>  
*Karliah* the female Sableye <Keen Eye>  
*Viskran* the male Chespin <Overgrow>  ​

Vipera Magnifica sends out
Ether's Bane sends out and commands
Vipera Magnifica commands
I close the "/r/atheism" tab in disgust


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 7, 2015)

Let's go *Kamohoalii*.

Let's win this with FACTS and LOGIC.


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 7, 2015)

I'll send out Milenko, or if you prefer...

*tips Rocky Helmet* m'lenko

*is immediately bricked*

Anyway!

Lead off with Swords Dance, then two Drill Pecks, but if Kamohoalii uses Protect, use Swords Dance on the second action, or Sandstorm on the third.

Swords Dance ~ Drill Peck/Swords Dance ~ Drill Peck/Sandstorm


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 7, 2015)

First, I want you to be faster than Milenko, so use *Scary Face* to slow him down. Second, you could use a classy hat, so use *Thief* to steal his Rocky Helmet. Third, just tear the fuck into him with a *Super Fang*. 

*Scary Face ~ Thief ~ Super Fang*


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## kyeugh (Apr 8, 2015)

A familiar laptop humms to life, the previously dimmed poké ball on its illuminating with a faint, amber light.  The screen is a bit more vibrant, and with a few taps on small keys from meaty fingers, the computer is properly accessed.  A dwarven white cursor ventures across a familiar anime-themed wallpaper, and a last double-clicks on the small shortcut of the browser of choice: Ninetales.  Immediately a well-loved webpage pops into view, but unfortunately, all things must come to an end.  A blinking cursor appears in the URL bar, and the dreaded words are slowly typed into existence:
_/r/atheism_​Immediately a pair of trainers walk onto the page, and a little ref follows them in, twin flags hanging from his belt.  As the trainers take their places, the ref clears his throat, steps into the middle of the field, and waves a tattered green flag, barking:
_Round two, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin>
*Health:* 100%
*Energy:* 100%
*Status:* Swimming through cyberspace uneasily.
*Commands:* Scary Face ~ Thief ~ Super Fang

*Ether's Bane* (*o*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy> @ 
*Health:* 100%
*Energy:* 100%
*Status:* Taking a quick feather count.
*Commands:* Swords Dance ~ Drill Peck/Swords Dance ~ Drill Peck/Sandstorm​"Kamohoalli, go!" Vipera Magnifica cried as his loyal carvanha shot from his capsule, somehow floating in peculiar cyberspace.  Ether's Bane frowned and fumbled at his own belt quickly, grasping a familiar poké ball— a quick brush of the finger over the braille embedded into the capsule's upper half confirmed its contents.

"Milenko!" he shouted, and with a flash of blinding light, a skarmory appeared from nothing, landing on the userbar with a large puff of dust.  Suddenly there was a powerful tremor, and the little robot in the teacup glanced over, little antenna wagging with anticipation.  Slowly he pressed his lips together and uttered a contraction that caused the entire webpage to shake briefly, the words alone causing everyone's heart to stop for but a beat.

"M'lenko."

The quakes ceased, and the robot tipped an invisible hat before submerging back into his teapot.  Ether's Bane furrowed his eyebrows, but shook his head and barked a command, pushing the strange phenomemon from his head.  "Milenko, use swords dance!"  The skarmory squawked and beat his mighty wings, taking flight immediately, small contrail hugging his back.  He whirled about majestically in the sky, and his steely feathers seemed to grow in size and strength, their normally dulled edges becoming sharp and frightening.

Kamohaolii scowled.  Milenko was so majestic, it wasn't fair— the damned thing didn't even have to evolve!  It was born that way!  Well, Kamohaolii would show him, all right.  He'd show him just how scary an unevovled pokémon could be.  Quickly gathering all his might, the little carvanha pressed his scarred face into a truly terrifying leer.  Milenko paused for a moment mid-dance and ogled at the thing for a moment, partially curious and partially horrified.  The skarmory shuddered.

The carvanha pulled his solid lips back in a grin, further exposing his knife-like teeth.  His scary face had served two purposes, after all.  Revelling in the freedom of frictionless swimming, Kamohaolii paddled up to Milenko at top speed and slammed into his head, biting viciously.  As the skarmory squawked and batted at Kamohaolii's side (in the process scuffing up his precious feathers quite a bit), the pesky carvanha made a single swipe with his tail, knocking the rocky helmet Milenko had been indirectly brandishing from his head.  The spurs on it slashed at Kamohaolii's tailfin a bit in protest, but the struggle was for naught in a few brief moments, at the end of which there stood a dignified-looking carvanha with a helmet perhaps a bit too large for him resting on his head.

By the time Milenko could properly process what had just happened, it was too late.  He squawked in protest, but to no avail, and then glanced a dagger at little Kamohaolii.  The carvanha's ego had been boosted enough that he didn't fear the skarmory's imminent wrath, but this was a mistake; before he could even react, Kamohaolii was bombarded violently by Milenko's thick, steel beak, twisting and turning in the fish's hide like a giant drill.  The bird suppressed a scream as the sharp scales dug into his face and the rocky helmet's iron spurs assaulted the top of his head.

Kamohaolli barked and wriggled in vain, at last resorting to a firm bite in Milenko's side.  His tusk-like teeth seemed to drain the very power from Milenko's body, but he still thrashed violently, determined to fell his opponent there and then.  Unfortunately, there was only so much he could do; brown blood tricking down his neck, Milenko ripped free of his assailant and landed atop the neck of the looming teapot, scowling and readjusting his feathers.
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 72%
*Energy:* 63%
*Status:* Wiggling his fins triumphantly.
*Commands:* Scary Face ~ Thief ~ Super Fang

*Ether's Bane* (*o*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 40%
*Energy:* 92%
*Status:* Panting, and contemplating what the fuck just actually happened. || +2 Attack, —2 Speed
*Commands:* Swords Dance ~ Drill Peck ~ Drill Peck​


Spoiler: Calculations



ACTION ONE:
Milenko uses swords dance for 2% energy, increasing his attack by two stages.
Kamohoalii uses scary face for 2% energy, lowering Milenko's speed by two stages.
Kamohoalii: health(100%), energy(98%)
Milenko: health(100%), energy(98%), ATK+2, SPD-2

ACTION TWO:
Kamohoalii uses thief for 9% damage (6% + 1% (STAB) + 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY)) and 2% energy, thereby acquiring the rocky helmet but taking 2% recoil.
Milenko uses drill peck for 13% damage (8% + 2% (STAB) + 2% (ATK boost)+ 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY)) and 3% energy.  He takes 4% recoil.
Kamohoalii: health(85%), energy(96%)
Milenko: health(87%), energy(95%), ATK+2, SPD-2

ACTION THREE:
Kamohoalii uses super fang for 45% damage and 33% energy.
Milenko uses drill peck for 13% (8% + 2% (STAB) + 2% (ATK boost) + 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY)) damage and 3% energy.  He takes 4% recoil.
Kamohoalii: health(72%), energy(63%)
Milenko: health(40%), energy(92%), ATK+2, SPD-2


*Arena Status*

A few letters have been knocked free of their original locations.
The reddit robot guy thing is hiding in his tea kettle.
*Notes*

Let me know if I'm forgetting something.  I included the calculations if you're curious, though some of it was done internally and wasn't written down.
Vipera Magnifica commands first next round.


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 8, 2015)

Start off with *Taunt*, as we really don't want Milenko to heal or try to confuse you. Then use *Brine* twice. If he tries to Protect/Detect against your Taunt or is otherwise unhittable, use *Focus Energy* for an action and *Taunt* the next action.

*Taunt / Focus Energy ~ Brine / Taunt / Focus Energy ~ Brine / Taunt / Focus Energy*


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 9, 2015)

Spam Secret Power until you get a side effect to happen. If you've already caused a side-effect, switch to Rock Slide.

Secret Power ~ Secret Power/Rock Slide ~ Secret Power/Rock Slide


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## kyeugh (Apr 10, 2015)

_Round two, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 72%
*Energy:* 63%
*Status:* Wiggling his fins triumphantly.
*Commands:* Taunt / Focus Energy ~ Brine / Taunt / Focus Energy ~ Brine / Taunt / Focus Energy

*Ether's Bane* (*o*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 40%
*Energy:* 92%
*Status:* Panting, and contemplating what the fuck just actually happened. || +2 Attack, —2 Speed
*Commands:* Secret Power ~ Secret Power/Rock Slide ~ Secret Power/Rock Slide​Milenko finished counting his knife-like feathers, then made a detestful squawk, counting them twice, three times.  Seventy-seven!  Seventy-seven feathers!  He'd lost four precious feathers!  His eyes began to burn, small tears running down his metal face.  A single cry of sadness rang out through /r/atheism.

Kamohoalii stuck out his tongue and jeered.  Milenko's tears sizzled as his face grew hot, and he screamed in anger as he flew at his opponent, wings beating extra powerfully to make up for the lost surface area.  Kamohoalii only kept his tongue out, blowing a wet raspberry a Milenko flew right past him, narrowly avoiding a violent crash into the userbar.

With a blood-curdling scream, Milenko picked himself back up and launched back at Kamohoalii, a bright white light beginning to illuminate his wings.  _Feathers!  Four feathers!_  Kamohoalii tried to sidestep (sideswim?) once again, but Milenko veered to the right sharply, slashing at the little fish with his white wings.  Kamohoalii screamed as the blade-like feathers sliced up his skin, and Milenko winced slightly as his remaining feathers scraped uncomfortably against sharp scales.

Kamohoalii took advantage of the close quarters and parted his chops, spewing salty water onto his metallic foe.  The water, as it touched Kamohoalii's tongue, was tinged slightly green; the carvanha's eyes widened as a citric taste singed his tastebuds.  The skarmory screamed as the brine caused his bite wounds to sear and burn, but he managed to push past the pain with little more than a pint couple of tears, slashing once again with his sharp wings.  They exchanged a few more bouts, avian screaming and piscine wails nearly shaking various letters around the subreddit from their foundations.

Then they paused, both panting.  Kamohoalii was shivering slightly, and brown blood dripped from his wounds, but seemed to be in fairly good shape besides; Milenko was trembling, too weak to fly any further, legs about to buckle.  However, there was no rule indicating that things couldn't be turned around...

This is /r/atheism, after all.  Chance is the true god.
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 44%
*Energy:* 53%
*Status:* Catching his breath, and really wishing he had fins long enough to sate that itch on his back.
*Commands:* Taunt ~ brine ~ brine

*Ether's Bane* (*o*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 6%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Still outraged over his loss of feathers. || +2 Attack, —2 Speed, TAUNT: 1
*Commands:* Secret Power x3​


Spoiler: Calculations



PRE-ROUND:
Kamohoalii: health(72%), energy(63%)
Milenko: health(40%), energy(92%), ATK+2, SPD-2

ACTION ONE:
Kamohoalii uses taunt for 4% energy.
Milenko uses secret power for 5% energy and 10% (7% + 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY) + 2% (ATK Boost)) damage.
Kamohoalii: health(62%), energy(59%)
Milenko: health(38%), energy(87%), ATK+2, SPD-2 {TAUNTED: 2}

ACTION TWO:
Kamohoalii uses brine for 16% damage and 4% energy, restoring health and energy by 1% each.
Milenko uses secret power for 5% energy and 10% (7% + 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY) + 2% (ATK Boost)) damage.
Kamohoalii: health(53%), energy(56%)
Milenko: health(36%), energy(82%), ATK+2, SPD-2 {TAUNTED: 1}

ACTION THREE:
Kamohoalii uses brine for 16% damage and 4% energy, restoring health and energy by 1% each.
Milenko uses secret power for 5% energy and 10% (7% + 1% (MALE SUPERIORITY) + 2% (ATK Boost)) damage.
Kamohoalii: health(44%), energy(53%)
Milenko: health(12%), energy(77%), ATK+2, SPD-2 {TAUNTED: 0}


*Arena Status*

Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle.
*Notes*

Ether's Bane commands first next.
I added a little extra energy to Kamohoalii's brines, seeing as they did so much damage.


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 10, 2015)

Open with Rock Slide. Then, if you somehow survive, use Protect if he uses a damaging move, or Roost if he doesn't. Finally, use Rock Slide, unless he uses a damaging move. If that happens, use Fly.

Rock Slide ~ Roost/Protect ~ Rock Slide/Fly


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 10, 2015)

A few errors here:

Secret power is not a contact move, so there should be no recoil. With the MANLINESS boost + STAB, Brine should have done 17% damage, or 18% damage if you add the 10 base power before doubling (I'm not sure which in this case). Either way, I don't see how Milenko went from 40% health to 12% health, even with the calculations you used. He should actually be at 6% (or 4%).


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## kyeugh (Apr 11, 2015)

Vipera Magnifica said:


> A few errors here:
> 
> Secret power is not a contact move, so there should be no recoil. With the MANLINESS boost + STAB, Brine should have done 17% damage, or 18% damage if you add the 10 base power before doubling (I'm not sure which in this case). Either way, I don't see how Milenko went from 40% health to 12% health, even with the calculations you used. He should actually be at 6% (or 4%).


/slams head on desk

I keep forgetting that physical ≠ contact, I'm so sorry!  As for the brines not doing enough damage, uh... I'm not actually sure what happened there, there's no excuse.  Anyway, it's fixed up now, feel free to command, and sorry it took so long!


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 12, 2015)

Alright, an *Aqua Jet* will finish him off.

*Aqua Jet x 3*


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## kyeugh (Apr 12, 2015)

_Round three, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 44%
*Energy:* 53%
*Status:* Catching his breath, and really wishing he had fins long enough to sate that itch on his back.
*Commands:* Aqua Jet x 3

*Ether's Bane* (*o*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 6%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Still outraged over his loss of feathers. || +2 Attack, —2 Speed, TAUNT: 1
*Commands:* Rock Slide ~ Roost/Protect ~ Rock Slide/Fly​Mileno squawked and hobbled over to Kamohoalii, clearly dizzy.  He spread his wings, though they no longer contained the strength and energy necessary to permit flight, and let out a weak roar, slashing haphazardly at his piscine foe.  None of the weak chops hit their mark, and Kamohoalii gave his opponent a dull stare for but a moment.  Suddenly he was cloaked in furiously surging water, the carvanha flung forward with reckless abandon, with every bit as much force as the strongest river.  Milenko barely had time to widen his eyes before he was slammed into by a ravenous piranha.  The impact was just too much, and the skarmory fell, ref blowing his whistle loudly and raising an arm.  Ether's Bane sighed as he recalled his pokémon, clipping the capsule to his belt and fingering the braille on the others in search of his next battler...
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 45%
*Energy:* 51%
*Status:* Giggling in victory.
*Commands:* Aqua Jet

*Ether's Bane* (*x*o)





Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.
*Commands:* None​*Arena Status*

Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle.
*Notes*

Ether's Bane sends out, Vipera Magnifica commands, Ether's Bane commands.


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 14, 2015)

I'll send out Gulch.


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 14, 2015)

Start out by using *Super Fang* on the first action, but if Gulch protects, instead use *Focus Energy*. Then use *Scald* twice. If he has a substitute at any point, use *Waterfall*. If he uses a damaging move on the second action, use *Protect*.

*Super Fang / Focus Energy / Waterfall ~ Scald / Protect / Waterfall ~ Scald / Waterfall*

Also, I think that last Aqua Jet should have restored Kamohoalii's health by 1%


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 14, 2015)

Protect to prevent Super Fang, then use Thunder Wave - he did say "damaging move", so he won't use Protect. Finally, dive underground with Dig.

Protect ~ Thunder Wave ~ Dig (go underground)


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## kyeugh (Apr 16, 2015)

Sorry for lateness, here, guys.  It's been a rough past couple of days.
_Round four, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 45%
*Energy:* 51%
*Status:* Contemplating Gulch's edibility.
*Commands:* Super Fang / Focus Energy / Waterfall ~ Scald / Protect / Waterfall ~ Scald / Waterfall

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 100%
*Energy:* 100%
*Status:* Ready to rock.  Or steel.  Or bug.
*Commands:* Protect ~ Thunder Wave ~ Dig (go underground)
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​Moments after Milenko fell, cracking the userbar ever so slightly, Ether's Bane replaced the clunky skarmory with a new pokémon.  Much to Kamohoalii's chagrin, the replacement was yet another steel type, and while this one had fewer feathers to worry about, it looked all the meaner.

Gulch wasn't mean, however.  He was a clever bug.  Back before he'd been captured and sailed away to ASB's market, he had been the smartest durant in the colony.  Sometimes, when they were searching for food, he would use his pincers to uproot grass and find the little pokémon hiding beneath the roots.  Genius!  No one matched up to Gulch.  Not even this carvanha.  The first thing Gulch did was erect a wall of energy around him on all sids, to protect from Kamohoalii's potential wrath.  The best defence was a good offence, they said.  Or something like that.  It was a delicate balance, however: the shield was exerting, so he didn't want to push himself too far.  Yes, a thin barrier like that should suffice quite nicely, at least until Kamohoalii used an attack, yes...

Kamohoalii ogled at his idiot opponent in confusion.  Well, there was nothing wrong with having a stupid foe.  Not to Kamohoalii, at least.  It just meant easy pickings.  It would be a piece of cake to wipe this little bugger off the face of the earth, even without an ostensible type advantage.  Using nothing but brute force and sharp teeth, Kamohoalii would unleash a wrath the likes of which the poor ant had never seen.  Kamohoalii dawned an evil grin (which was, in truth, quite frightening to see on a toothy fish) as he entered The Zone™.

Gulch's antennae twitched as his foe schemed a few yards away.  This was, without a doubt, the most passive-aggressive battle he'd ever been a part of.  Gulch supposed that's what a battle in /r/atheism was like.  But Gulch was far too clever for passive-aggressiveness.  He was either one or the other.  And he was all out of passive.  Or something like that.  Before Kamohoalii could snap himself out of his trance, Gulch scuttled over to him extremely rapidly; it must have been a truly terrifying sight, to see the knee-height ant charging at maximum speed.  Kamohoalii's eyes widened, but it wasn't enough— Gulch chittered before releasing a sudden jolt, causing Kamohoalii's cartilage to tense up, restricting movement.

Kamohoalii shrieked in protest, gathering water in the back of his throat and wincing slightly as it began to boil.  He attempted to fire it violently, spraying the scalding water all over the durant, but it only came out as a weak mist, Kamohoalii's throat suddenly too sore to direct a stream properly.  The mist was still quite hot, fortunately, and Gulch did seem to take a small amount of damage from it.

But Gulch was the closest to a prophet that a steel ant could get.  He knew that if he stayed in the same place, Kamoflaugi would just assault him with the evil hot cloud again.  Before he gave his opponent that chance, he devised an ingenious plan: sure to skitter away from Kamohoalii first, Gulch dug his pincers into the userbar, digging into it and forming a tunnel that fit half its length.  His antennae twitched, his intuition telling that Kampoflampi was just above him.  He paused there, snickering.

Kamohoalii had no clue where exactly where Gulch had gone off to, but he knew it was somewhere under that hole he'd dug... all the way... over there... There was no way he could make that trip, not in this state.  Desperate, he began boiling water in his throat again, smiling slightly as it transformed into mountain dew in the process, then tried his best to spray it into the hole.  If only he could fill it with water, he'd flush the ant out...

Unfortunately, he failed.  Gulch remained in his subterranean fort, chuckling. 
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 47%
*Energy:* 38%
*Status:* Screaming at Gulch to get out of his hole. // Severely paralysed for one more action, crit ratio +2.
*Executed:* Focus energy ~ scald ~ scald

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 97%
*Energy:* 92%
*Status:* Chittering to himself underground.
*Executed:* Protect ~ Thunder Wave ~ Dig
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​


Spoiler: Calculations



Gulch uses protect for 2% energy.
Kamohoalii uses focus energy for 5% energy, raising his critical hit ratio by two.
Gulch: 100% health; 98% energy
Kamohoalii: 45% health; 46% energy; Crit + 2

Gulch uses thunder wave for 4% energy, severely paralysing Kamohoalii.
Kamohoalii uses scald for 5% energy and 3% damage.  (I rolled paralysis fail here, but since it's special, I figured I'd just lower the damage.)
Gulch: 97% health; 94% energy
Kamohoalii: 46% health; 42% energy; Crit + 2; Severely paralysed for two more actions

Gulch digs under ground for 2% energy.
Kamohoalii uses scald for 5% energy, but it's evaded.
Gulch: 97% health; 92% energy
Kamohoalii: 47% health; 38% energy; Crit + 2; Severely paralysed for one more action


*Arena Notes:*

Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle.
There is now a tunnel through the userbar.
I've put together a very rough depiction.
*Notes*

Ether's Bane commands first next.
The first scald technically paralysis-failed, but since it was a special move, I let it hit... at the cost of a bit of its damage.


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 18, 2015)

Strike with Dig, but wait until Kamohoalii completes his first action. Then use Energy Ball, unless he uses Super Fang. In that case, use Protect. Finally, use Protect, unless you just used it, or if he goes for Super Fang. If you just used Protect, use Energy Ball, but if he uses Super Fang, go underground again.

Dig (go second) ~ Energy Ball/Protect ~ Protect/Energy Ball/Dig (go underground)


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 18, 2015)

Start by *Bouncing* up as high as you can go, and then slamming down into your opponent on the second action. Then *Chill* on your third action. If you're fully paralyzed and can't move on your first action, use *Protect* on your second action.

*Bounce (Up) ~ Bounce (Down) / Protect ~ Chill*


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## kyeugh (Apr 20, 2015)

_Round six, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 47%
*Energy:* 38%
*Status:* Screaming at Gulch to get out of his hole. // Severely paralysed for one more action, crit ratio +2.
*Commands:* Bounce (Up) ~ Bounce (Down) / Protect ~ Chill

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 97%
*Energy:* 92%
*Status:* Chittering to himself underground.
*Commands:* Dig (go second) ~ Energy Ball/Protect ~ Protect/Energy Ball/Dig (go underground) 
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​Kamohoalii still searched as vigourously as a paralysed fish could search, eyeballs flitting about sporadically in their sockets.  The poor pokémon was wheezing, breathing made difficult by the sudden lack of locomotion; probably the unsureness as to where his foe was combined with the inability to move should the durant spring up below him was too much anxiety to handle.  At length the carvanha sensed a rumbling beneath the userbar, where she had conjectured Gulch to be laying.  Instinctively, the piranha pokémon lurched into the air, and not a moment too soon— as she looked downward during her ascent, she spotted Gulch shooting from the userbar, pincers clapping.

Gulch's tunnel complete, the userbar collapsed in part where the tunnel had traced.  Gulch skittered away quickly as the hole he'd just erupted from was destroyed.  He was a clever durant, indeed— his friends back at the Hill would have been crushed.  But there was no time for pats on the back; not with a flying carvanha on the loose!  Gulch chittered as green light collected between his iron pincers into a large sphere, then shrieked as he fired the orb Kamohoalii's way.  Unfortunately for Gulch, the carvanha's constant upwardd movement made it difficult for the durant to make any semblance of an accurate shot, and the energy ball spiralled in the wrong direction before fizzling out.

What comes up most go down.  Kamohoalii hit his zenith before long and began plummeting downward.  The userbar was unstable and didn't appear to be a particularly pleasant place to land besides; no, there was only one place that Kamohoalii wanted to land.  He could see it clearly.  The durant tried to skitter away, but to little avail; all he could do was shriek as the unavoidable power of gravity pressed the giant fish onto his back with a slight _crack_.

Gulch yelled in protest and shook the carvanha from his back.  He skittered way, one of his six legs dragging behind him uselessly.  The carvanha was inflicted with rheumatism yet, though it seemed to have become more mild thanks to his recent stretch, and he was still dazed from the landing.  He seemed relaxed to an extent, although he was pondering what he had to do next.  Well, that was a foolish move on his part, thought Gulch.  Just standing there placidly in battle!  Why, in all his years, Gulch had never heard of such a thing.  Surely his foe couldn't just be staring without reason.  It seemed likely to Gulch that Kamohoalii was plotting something.  Indeed, the vacant expression on his face, the dribble of spittle that leaked from the corner of his mouth, the gloss over his unseeing eyes— all telltale signs that the carvanha was planning something awful.  Summoning his energies for a psychic attack, even!  Gulch was far too clever to fall into such an obvious trap; just as he had before, he formed a barrier of mysterious energy to protect himself from Kamohoalii's imminent attack.

And Gulch sat there, ever the patient ant, waiting for it to come.
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 47%
*Energy:* 44%
*Status:* I can... fly?  I can fly! // Mildly paralysed for two more actions, crit ratio +2
*Executed:* Bounce up ~ bounce down ~ chill

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 86%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Feeling very secure behind his protect.
*Executed:* Dig up ~ energy ball ~ protect
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​*Arena Status*

The userbar has collapsed onto itself where Gulch's tunnel had been.
Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle.
*Notes*

Vipera Magnifica attacks first next.
I didn't add in the attack-drop for the first energy ball, as it missed.  Let me know if that's wrong.
Kamohoalii's paralysis has fallen to mild, with a 15% chance of failure rather than 25%.



Spoiler: Calculations



Kamohoalii starts using bounce for 4% energy.
Gulch finishes dig for 6% energy. (? Why didn't I make it four the first time...)  He misses his mark.
Gulch: 97% health; 86% energy
	Kamohoalii: 47% health; 34% energy; Crit + 2; Severely paralysed for no more actions​
Gulch uses energy ball for 6% energy and 1% recoil.  He misses his mark.
Kamohoalii finishes using bounce for 4% energy and 10% (8% + 1%(MALE SUPERIORITY) + 1% (ROUGH SKIN) damage.
Gulch: 86% health; 80% energy
	Kamohoalii: 47% health; 34% energy; Crit + 2; Mildly paralysed (15% chance of failure) for three more actions.​
Gulch uses protect for 3% energy.
Kamohoalii chills, restoring 10% energy.
Gulch: 86% health; 77% energy
	Kamohoalii: 47% health; 44% energy; Crit + 2; Mildly paralysed for two more actions.​


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 20, 2015)

Nice job, Kamo. Use *Super Fang* unless he uses Protect, has a sub, or is underground. If he has a substitute, use *Scald*, but if he protects or is underground, use *Rain Dance*. That rain should help boost your attacks and maybe even fill the tunnels with water. On the second action, use *Scald*, but wait until Gulch moves before you attack. Use *Scald* once more on action three, and make sure you move second. If on action two or three he protects or digs down, just *Chill* out for a bit.

*Super Fang / Scald / Rain Dance ~ Scald (wait) / Chill ~ Scald (wait) / Chill*


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 23, 2015)

Use Protect first, then Sandstorm, then Energy Ball.

Protect ~ Sandstorm ~ Energy Ball


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## kyeugh (Apr 24, 2015)

_Round seven, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 47%
*Energy:* 44%
*Status:* I can... fly?  I can fly! // Mildly paralysed for two more actions, crit ratio +2
*Commands:* Super Fang / Scald / Rain Dance ~ Scald (wait) / Chill ~ Scald (wait) / Chill

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 86%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Feeling very secure behind his protect.
*Commands:* Protect ~ Sandstorm ~ Energy Ball
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​Gulch was a very, very clever ant.  He could feel his brain beginning to pound from its extreme exertion.  It took serious work to be quite as intelligent as a huge insect made of steel.  Gulch had, in his past, seen truer ants, but ever wiser ones.

It did, of course, take a clever ant to realise when death was coming his way.  Kamohoalii gave the durant a daring look, but Gulch was not intimidated; he just pushed all the harder with his already-potent shield, looking quite smug as Kamohoalii dashed forward, huge teeth bared.  Once again, Gulch had outsma—

The protect barrier fizzled out without warning, leaving Gulch defenceless.  It all happened so quickly, even this durant had little time to react before he was struggling on the ground, causing the userbar to quake slightly as he tried to squirm out of Kamohoalii's grip.  The carvanha just bit all the harder, pupils dilating as his teeth grew bigger, faster, stronger, _harder_. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

At length Gulch realised that physical resistance was futile; through the pain he worked out that the carvanha probably wouldn't detach himself so easiy.  No, this required a plan, and plans were something Gulch was quite good at... under normal circumstances.  At the moment, it was a bit difficult to think through the anguish, but Gulch would think of something.  He always did.

Aha!  Genius!  Before anyone could bark a command to him, a feral antstinct rose from within his bosom and exploded violently.  Suddenly all of /r/atheism was bombarded by a wild sandstorm, the force of which sent Gulch's assailant sailing.

Kamohoalii landed with a _thud_ on the userbar, hazy memories of his days in the sea suddenly flooding back.  A hook through the jaw, a tall man in a sweat-stained polo shirt with the word "ASBER" monagrammed into it holding a line and examining the carvanha thoroughy.  A few stifled words in a language Kamohoalii was yet to understand.  And then thrown into the back of the truck.

Kamohoalii was snapped back to reality as the raging storm of dust whipped at his being, causing him to gasp for air.  The action made him ponder briefly— gasp for air?  He'd never done that before.  Well, it wasn't worth overthinking.  Before his mind could wander again, Kamohoalii carefully aimed a jet of scalding water, the stuff turning green and bubbly in his throat before he launched it.  He groaned slightly as his cartilagous bones throbbed, then fired the jet Gulch's way, drenching the durant in hot water.  The pokémon howled in protest, but was quickly shut up as the sand attached itself to his now-damp body, gradually turning him into a walking blob of cotton candy.  Or cotton sandy, if you will.

Despite the thick buffer of sand covering Gulch entire body, his antennae still poked through, and gave him an accurate picture of the world around him.  The durant chittered and launched another ball of energy, just as he had a few minutes before, towards Kamohoalii.  The carvanha reeled as the verdant orb struck him, and then fired back yet another jet of water, this time more concentrated, so it burnt a hole through the sand and splashed directly onto the durant's face.

Still the sandstorm raged.
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 26%
*Energy:* 6%
*Status:* Barely holding on. // Mildly paralysed for one more action, crit ratio +2, attack -1 for two more actions
*Execute:* Super fang ~ scald ~ scald

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 20%
*Energy:* 62%
*Status:* Feeling a bit ridiculous in his new costume. // Swarm activated
*Commands:* Protect ~ sandstorm ~ energy ball
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​*Arena Notes*

The userbar has collapsed onto itself where Gulch's tunnel had been.
Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle.  He's probably having the time of his life.
*Notes*

Ether's Bane commands first next.
I put some extra energy on Gulch's energy ball because it did a lot of damage and also there's a sandstorm and he's covered in sand, so I felt like it maybe needed to have a higher cost.



Spoiler: Calculations



Gulch uses protect for 3% energy.  It fails.
Kamohoalii uses super fang for 43% damage and 32% energy.
	Gulch: 43% health; 74% energy
	Kamohoalii: 47% health; 12% energy

Gulch uses sandstorm for 5% energy.
Kamohoalii uses scald for 11% damage and 5% energy, and is buffeted by the sandstorm for 2% damage, and has his health restored by 1%.
	Gulch: 32% health; 69% (lol) energy
	Kamohoalii: 46% health; 7% energy

Gulch uses energy ball for 18% damage and 7% energy, and 1% recoil.
Kamohoalii uses scald for 11% damage and 5% energy, and is buffeted by the sandstorm for 2% damage, and has his health restored by 1%.
	Gulch: 20% health; 62% energy
	Kamohoalii: 26% health; 2% energy


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## Ether's Bane (Apr 26, 2015)

Energy Ball first, but use Protect if he uses a damaging attack, or Hone Claws if he Protects. Then, use Thunder Wave, or Hone Claws if he Protects or can't be hit. Finally, repeat the first action's options.

Energy Ball/Protect/Hone Claws ~ Thunder Wave/Hone Claws ~ Energy Ball/Protect/Hone Claws


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## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 26, 2015)

(I had a particularly devious idea of using Destiny Bond until I realized that would only shortchange me out of EXP and EB out of $4).

So instead,

*Taunt ~ Brine ~ ded.*

EDIT: wait, why did that first Scald not do any damage?


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## kyeugh (May 5, 2015)

_Round seven, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*o*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 26%
*Energy:* 6%
*Status:* Barely holding on. // Mildly paralysed for one more action, crit ratio +2, attack -1 for two more actions
*Commands:* Taunt ~ Brine ~ ded

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 20%
*Energy:* 62%
*Status:* Feeling a bit ridiculous in his new costume. // Swarm activated
*Commands:* Energy Ball/Protect/Hone Claws ~ Thunder Wave/Hone Claws ~ Energy Ball/Protect/Hone Claws
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​"Hey, what the fuck is going on?"  Joseph stroked his neckbeard, curious.  It appeared that inside the computer that sat on this old, scratched up desk raged a battle.  Not just any battle, mind, but a taking place in what Joseph concluded to be the ultimate battlefield; /r/reddit itself.  The only place he had ever felt at home.  Joseph readjusted his fedora and sat down with a loud _plop_, chair legs groaning slightly beneath his weight.  "Well, let's see what we've got here, fufufu."

Kamohoalii was winded, severely, and was wincing slightly as the vicious sandstorm whipped about him and left the occasional lash on his tough skin.  However, he was still able to put on the air of bravado that he had mastered over the years.  "You suck," he snarled at Gulch.  "You're the worst durant ever.  You look like cotton candy."  Gulch, ever the level-headed ant, was able to discard these comments.  Words could not hurt Gulch.

"You're stupid."

Gulch exploded.  _Hurt.  Hurt.  I wanna make that fucking fish hurt, bad._  Gulch chittered, sending a huge ball of verdant energy Kamohoalii's way.  Kamohoalii was smug yet, and hoped to evade the attack easily, but the sheer size and speed of the sphere made it difficult to dodge effortlessly.  It struck Kamohoalii head on, but Gulch's rage only intensified, filling up the violet pearl embedded on his waist.

Kamohoalii chuckled as the durant rampaged, and began churning salty water in the back of his throat.  He was beginning to run dry, what with the sandstorm and the lack of water, and it was physically taxing to create the brine.  He realised at length that this would be his final attack, most likely; he would have to make it count.  With a shout proclaiming the divine winds, Kamohoalii miraculously overcame his rheumatism and hit his mark through the sandstorm, then plopped to the userbar.  Ded.
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (*x*o)





Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 6%
*Energy:* 0%
*Status:* Ded.
*Executed:* Taunt ~ Brine ~ ded

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () <Swarm> @ 
*Health:* 19%
*Energy:* 55%
*Status:* Feeling a bit ridiculous in his new costume. // Swarm activated, taunted for three more actions.
*Commands:* Energy ball
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​


Spoiler: Calculations



Kamohoalii uses taunt for 4% energy, and is buffeted by the sandstorm for 2% health.
Gulch uses energy ball for 18% damage and 7% energy, and 1% recoil.
    Kamohoalii: 6%h, 2%e
    Gulch: 19%h, 55%e, 3taunt

Kamohoalii uses scald for 6% damage (docked because energy was too low) and 5% energy, and is buffeted by the sandstorm for 2% damage, and has his health restored by 1%.  Kamohoalii faints.
    Gulch: 13%h, 55%e, 3taunt


*Arena Notes*

There is sand.  Everywhere.  In the air.
The userbar has collapsed onto itself where Gulch's tunnel had been.
Entire sentences have fallen from their foundations.
The reddit robot guy thing is still hiding in his tea kettle. He's probably having the time of his life.
*Notes*

Alas, Kamohoalii has fainted!  I docked some of the damage from his brine thanks to his low energy, but I still let it hit, if that's okay?
I'm not quite sure how this order of operations goes, but for the time being I'll say that Vipera Magnifica sends out and commands, and then Ether's Bane commands.


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## Vipera Magnifica (May 5, 2015)

Gulch should have 6% more health because he hit the damage cap last round. 

Also, Sandstorm lasts for nine actions.


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## Vipera Magnifica (May 6, 2015)

I'll go ahead and post commands anyway.

You can't have a Sandstorm without *Darude*. Go on out there and *Earthquake* to your hearts content!

*Earthquake x3*


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## Ether's Bane (May 10, 2015)

GG.

Iron Head ~ Iron Head ~ Iron Head


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## kyeugh (May 18, 2015)

_Round eight, start!_
*Pre-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (x*o*)





Darude () <Hyper cutter>
*Health:* 100%
*Energy:* 100%
*Status:* EARTHQUAKE TIME.
*Commands:* Earthquake ~ earthquake ~ earthquake
Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 6%
*Energy:* 0%
*Status:* Ded.

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () [highlight]<Swarm>[/highlight] @ 
*Health:* 19%
*Energy:* 55%
*Status:* Feeling a bit ridiculous in his new costume. // Swarm activated, taunted for three more actions.
*Commands:* Iron head ~ iron head ~ iron head
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​Gulch chittered triumphanltly as his foe fell to the ground with a _plop_, but his jubilee was cut short when a new, more menacing foe appeared on the field.  Gulch could deal with a cool, calculative carvanha, as Gulch was fully equipped to fight a battle of wits. Unfortunately, Darude the trapinch didn't think.  He _destroyed_.

And yet, the thrill of the swarm buzzed in Gulch's head, heart throbbing violently.  He couldn't allow any opponent to best him; he was not only a smart ant, but a strong one.  He would fight.  Resolve firm, he charged, and planted his head firmly in Darude's side before he could respond.  The trapinch went tumbling, beady eyes alight in surprise, but he took the hit without audible protest.  His limbs were still rippling with energy, huge maw chomping slightly and causing a resounding _chomp_ sound.

"I'll show you what a real ant can do, you silver shit."  Gulch, still panting, stared at Darude in wonder as he began pounding the userbar with his stubby feet, causing it to ripple violently.  Gulch was thrown into the air, totally caught off guard by the sudden attack.  Darude cackled, little eyes ablaze, and continued stomping violently.  Gulch landed, hard, coughing into the sandstorm.

Darude eyed Gulch haughtily, as if baiting him into an attack.  Gulch had no time to be a smart and, not now.  Now was the time to crush.  Repeating his previous action, he made a mad dash for his foe, head lowered; as was expected, Darude didn't think, and wasn't able to react in time before being slammed by Gulch's iron head.  The metal ant's cranium collided with the trapinch's ribcage with a sickening _crack_, but Darude released nary a pant.  The trapinch had a very impressive pain threshold, apparently.

Gulch was beginning to pant doggedly, but Darude still stood tall and strong.  Gulch refused to accept his defeat and looked up angrily, dashing one more time at his foe in a desperate final gambit.  Darude merely grinned as he struck the ground again with his foot, sending the userbar rippling in waves Gulch's way.  Gulch was struck and sailed backward, hitting the ground.  He struggled momentarily in an attempt to stand, but his legs gave out, and he fell.  Defeated.

Darude was hardly panting as the referee shot his green flag into the air, indicating a win from the right side.  Ether's Bane reluctantly withdrew his pokémon and Vipera Magnifica followed suit; the two trainers met halfway and shook hands, then walked from the sides of the screen, disappearing and leaving the ref to the mess.

"Goddamn it," Joseph whispered, stroking his beard again.  His neck curls were soft against his hard fingers.  "I lied to you, actually.  I don't have five dollars to give you."  Adam groaned and punched Joseph in the shoulder jokingly, but the redditor grasped his arm defencively.  "Hey, my bones are sensitive, and you know that..."
*Post-round stats*
*Vipera Magnifica* (x*o*)





Darude () <Hyper cutter>
*Health:* 74%
*Energy:* 92%
*Status:* MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
*Executed:* Earthquake ~ earthquake
Kamohoalii () <Rough skin> @ 
*Health:* 6%
*Energy:* 0%
*Status:* Ded.

*Ether's Bane* (x*o*)





Gulch () [highlight]<Swarm>[/highlight] @ 
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 52%
*Status:* Ow.
*Executed:* Iron head ~ iron head
Milenko () <Sturdy>
*Health:* 0%
*Energy:* 77%
*Status:* Out cold.​


Spoiler: Calculations



Gulch uses iron head for 13% damage and 4% energy, and 1% recoil.
Darude uses earthquake for 12% damage and 4% energy.
	Gulch: 6%h, 51%e, swarm, taunt:2
	Darude: 87%h, 96%e
Gulch uses iron head for 13% damage and 4% energy, and 1% reciol.
Darude uses earthquake for 12% damage and 4% energy.
	Gulch: 0%h, 51%e, swarm, taunt:2
	Darude: 74%h, 92%e


*Endgame*

Vipera Magnifica receives $16.
Ether's Bane receives $8.
I receive $10.
Kamohoalii receives two experience and two happiness.
Darude receives two experience and two happiness.
Milenko receives one experience and one happiness.
Gulch receives two experience and two happiness.
There were a lot of errors in my reffings, thanks to you guys for putting up with them and helping a new referee get on their feet!


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## Vipera Magnifica (May 18, 2015)

That was a fun battle! Thanks a lot Ether's Bane, you were a great opponent. And thanks a lot Dazel, your reffing has already improved a lot. Good game.


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