# Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions



## wolftamer9 (Feb 14, 2011)

Okay, for all of you who don't know anything about Mad Magazine or Al Jaffee, _Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions_ is a Mad Mag feature where one character will ask another an extremely stupid and obvious question (are you the janitor? is that wall blue?) and the person being asked the question will give two or three snappy comebacks (no, I'm insane and this mop is my friend sheila! no, the wall is brown but the paint is blue!).

in this thread someone will ask such a question, and you can give between one and four snappy answers. after that you must ask a stupid question of your own.

Example:

Person 1: are those cows?

Person 2:

-no, they're goats on steroids.
-some of them are, but some are just cross-dressing bulls.
-sir, if you'd care to take of the cow-shaped glasses...
----
are you sick?


I'll start.

Is this a hospital?


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## I liek Squirtles (Feb 14, 2011)

No, it´s a sick person hotel.


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## wolftamer9 (Feb 15, 2011)

you're supposed to ask another question after answering.

new question - are you mugging me?


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## I liek Squirtles (Feb 15, 2011)

No, I am borrowing something.

Is that a cowboy's buttocks?


----------



## Vipera Magnifica (Feb 16, 2011)

No, he's just smuggling popcorn into the movie theater.

Do you sell wrenches here?


----------



## Blazie (Feb 16, 2011)

No, those would be what we use to beat up people who complain about our customer service. :D

Is that a wood floor?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 16, 2011)

Nope. It's 100% grinded person, mixed with cheese and wood pulp, and painted over with brown paint and varnish. Watch where you step.

Is this a sentence?


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## Lili (Feb 16, 2011)

No, it's an unfinished stateme

Is this wet?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 16, 2011)

No. it's dry with a tinge of damp.

Is the below statement false?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Feb 16, 2011)

No, it is false.

Is it raining?


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## Lili (Feb 16, 2011)

No, the clouds are crying.

Do I look okay?


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## wolftamer9 (Feb 16, 2011)

yes, mr. mayor. now get to that town hall meeting, crazytown needs you!

do fish get wet?


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## Chief Zackrai (Feb 16, 2011)

No, actually, they burn.

Is air breathable?


----------



## I liek Squirtles (Feb 16, 2011)

No, it's unbreathable.

Is it me, or is that Brad Pitt dressed like Barney?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 17, 2011)

No. Brad pitt always looks like that. It's barney's who's dressed differently... he looks like tom cruise.

Should I be thankful for the memories?


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## Zero Moment (Feb 17, 2011)

Nah, memories are useless.
Do ya liek waffles?


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## Lili (Feb 17, 2011)

No, they taste of evil.

Does water conduct electricity?


----------



## Ryan the Terrible (Feb 18, 2011)

No, it conducts symphonies.

Where were French fries invented?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 18, 2011)

Belgium.

What?


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## Zero Moment (Feb 18, 2011)

Yes.
Do ya liek pancakes?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 18, 2011)

No. Pancakes are evil and have put this message here to gain more followers.

What's my name?


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## Chief Zackrai (Feb 18, 2011)

Chief Zackrai.

What am I?


----------



## Lili (Feb 18, 2011)

A mutatde cannibalistic baby.

Is that your real hair color?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Feb 18, 2011)

No, I am just a projection of your overactive subconscious, and therefore do not exist.

Can you pass the ketchup?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 18, 2011)

Yes. He got a D, but with the quality of that last project, I realy should have failed him.

How many times can one break until one shatters?


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## Spatz (Feb 18, 2011)

One can only break once, then it's no longer one.


How many?


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## Tomatochu (Feb 18, 2011)

More than one.


What is today?


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## Spatz (Feb 18, 2011)

The day after yesterday, and the day before tommorow.

Where's Jimmy?


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## I liek Squirtles (Feb 18, 2011)

Shitting.

Why are Ponies awesome?


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## Lili (Feb 18, 2011)

Because they can neigh and do other pony shit.

Why is my hat black?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 19, 2011)

...That's a rat.

Where would one find a holy handheld explosive?


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## Lili (Feb 19, 2011)

Up your butt.

Are you wearing contacts?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 19, 2011)

Yes. Unfortunately, when I change, I sometime lose the SIM card, and all my contacts go with it. I really need to find a better way to store them...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?


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## InvaderSyl (Feb 19, 2011)

42.

Is this the real life, or is this a fantasy?


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## Lili (Feb 19, 2011)

Neither.  We're caught in a landslide with no escape from reality.

Yes?


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## Spatz (Feb 19, 2011)

Not really.

Where was that holy handheld explosive?


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## Lili (Feb 19, 2011)

It was destroyed when thrown at the Killer Rabbit.

Is anyone excited for the new Pokemon game?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Feb 19, 2011)

Well, of course _someone_ is excited. Please be more specific with your questions.

What time is it?


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## Lili (Feb 19, 2011)

Adventure time.

Is that a talking dog?


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## RespectTheBlade (Feb 19, 2011)

No. Your mind is playing tricks on you. These are not the droids you are looking for.

beep bop doo wop de boop de doo?


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## Spatz (Feb 19, 2011)

I'm sorry, I do not speak Betty Boop.

Shaz-zam?


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## I liek Squirtles (Feb 19, 2011)

Sham-WOW.

Are you Billy Mays?


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## Spatz (Feb 19, 2011)

Naw, I'm Billy Mays.

Captain, what do we do!?


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## Lili (Feb 19, 2011)

Your mother.

Is that man naked?


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## Yami Angel Christian (Feb 21, 2011)

No, he jus forgot his clothes this morning!

Did you ever see me not touch-typing?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Feb 21, 2011)

I am blind, good sir.

Where is the extra syrup I ordered with my pancakes?


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## Yami Angel Christian (Feb 21, 2011)

It's being poured over Inu's Xbox 360!

Do you know why Inu's Xbox 360 won't play Halo 3 Campaign?


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## SonicNintendo (Feb 22, 2011)

I do.

Would you like to know how to play The Game?


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## Spatz (Feb 22, 2011)

Now I've lost the game, so clearly I know how to play. Jerk.

Have ou heard of the video game based on the Lost series, it's called Lost: The Game?


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## Lili (Feb 22, 2011)

Nooo, I thought it was called Found!

Who made that bracelet for you?


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## Yami Angel Christian (Feb 24, 2011)

The Mokey Mokey did, using the parts of your brain that aren't obsessed with Ponies!

Why did it take me so long to get ANY Red-Eyes Cards from the Dragon Pack on Tag Force 4?


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## Lili (Feb 25, 2011)

Because you suck.

Can I haz cheezeburger?


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## Worst Username Ever (Feb 25, 2011)

Only if you learn how to grammar.

Why?


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## InvaderSyl (Feb 25, 2011)

Because.

I WANT MY SLAW
*And I really wish someone uploaded that clip XD


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## wolftamer9 (Feb 25, 2011)

CHICKENFOOT ATE IT!

Is chickenfoot real?


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## Lili (Feb 26, 2011)

No, of course not.  But Turkeyneck is.


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## InvaderSyl (Feb 26, 2011)

...                           ?


PARTY BLOWER SOLO!?!


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## SonicNintendo (Feb 28, 2011)

Sure.  I'm not there, what've I got to lose?

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?


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## Ryan the Terrible (Feb 28, 2011)

No, this is Patrick.

Where is your god now?


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## I liek Squirtles (Feb 28, 2011)

Over there, by the pool.

Rololo?


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## Lili (Mar 1, 2011)

Trololo.

Why is that man humping a tree in front of elderly women?


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## I liek Squirtles (Mar 1, 2011)

Because the old lady asked him to.

Cookiez?


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## Lili (Mar 3, 2011)

No.  But the cake is a lie.

Are eggs the answer?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 3, 2011)

No, they are the result.

  Are you a boy? Or are you a Girl? Won't you please tell me?


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## InvaderSyl (Mar 3, 2011)

I'm an Irken :)

I'mma sing the doom song now?


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## Lili (Mar 4, 2011)

Doomy doom doom doom doom doo doom.

Do you leave your friend's apartment once a day to be some groceries?


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## SonicNintendo (Mar 5, 2011)

They're not groceries.

Black or White?


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## mewtini (Mar 6, 2011)

Lololo.
Is the pool unsafe?


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## SonicNintendo (Mar 6, 2011)

I don't know, go in and find out.

Go out with me?


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## Zero Moment (Mar 6, 2011)

NO REJECTION
IT'S OVER 9000!?!?!?!?


EDIT: 360 Posts ^_^


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## Yami Angel Christian (Mar 6, 2011)

No, Team 4Star proved his power level is atually 1006!

Red Dragon Archfiend is superior to most Dragon Pokémon!?


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## Zero Moment (Mar 6, 2011)

No. But it's more superior to your mom.
All your bass are belong to us.


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## Phantom (Mar 7, 2011)

You've got bass in my base!

Why is it that when someone tells someone that there’s billions of stars in the universe that person believes them, but if they tell them there’s wet paint somewhere they have to touch it?


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## SonicNintendo (Mar 7, 2011)

They have a wet paint fetish.

Was this a triumph?


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## I liek Squirtles (Mar 7, 2011)

For me.

Lilipup, Purrloin or Patrat?


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## SonicNintendo (Mar 7, 2011)

(You didn't get the reference, did you?  Youtube "Portal 'Still Alive'".)

Yes.

Why?


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## wolftamer9 (Mar 8, 2011)

no.

does nobody ever suspect the butterfly?


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## Wargle (Mar 8, 2011)

I AM the butterfly


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## Lili (Mar 10, 2011)

... wut

Uncle Geofrey, is that you?!


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## Zero Moment (Mar 10, 2011)

Belle, is that you?!?!?!?!
I'm making a note here: Huge Success.


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## Yami Angel Christian (Mar 10, 2011)

No, it's too busy jumping up and down like a target shouting "SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME!!!"!

I really need to get over how easy it was to trounce someone who "can't be beat on any game"!?


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## InvaderSyl (Mar 11, 2011)

I JUST LOST THE GAME.

Did you?


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## Lili (Mar 11, 2011)

No.  I always win.

There's a snake in my boot?!


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## Sypl (Mar 12, 2011)

No, just a beaver

Is ditto?


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## Lili (Mar 12, 2011)

No, is not.

Why won't my cat shut up?


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## sv_01 (Mar 13, 2011)

It's not a cat, it's a parrot.

Why are the Regis solid?


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## Kali the Flygon (Mar 15, 2011)

They want to be millionaires.

What does the color red look like?


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## Zero Moment (Mar 15, 2011)

Red.
Audino FTW.


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 15, 2011)

I disagree.

to be or not to be...?


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## Zero Moment (Mar 15, 2011)

That is not the question.
???


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## Lili (Mar 16, 2011)

!!!

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?


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## Zero Moment (Mar 16, 2011)

HUUUUUUUUG?
BLUH!


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## Glace (Mar 16, 2011)

BOOMBOOM
The square root of death is a pancake made of what??


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## Lili (Mar 17, 2011)

Concrete.

I like to eat food, yes?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Mar 17, 2011)

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Is the grass always greener on the other side?


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## Glace (Mar 17, 2011)

Nope, i ate it all.
Where is santa claus? :'(


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## Vipera Magnifica (Mar 17, 2011)

At the DMV, renewing his sleigh license.

Can I borrow five dollars?


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## Glace (Mar 17, 2011)

That's illegal.
I'm deciding black or yellow... Which one?


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## Vipera Magnifica (Mar 17, 2011)

Blellow.

At what temperature should one prepare Beef Stroganoff?


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## Glace (Mar 17, 2011)

Absolute zero.
What is this thing?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

My fist in a rabbit's face


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

Oh and knock knock?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

Tik Tok

Where is Waldo?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

In the graveyard.

Where are my Eggo?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

In my stomach. 

Should I poke it?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

no, unless you want it to poke you back.

Who the hell invented that?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

Luke Skywalker

It's a bird! It's a plane! Wait, what IS that?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

My foot flying to your butt.

Did that sound like Red Forman?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

It sounded like Bob.

Was that a snappy answer?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

Not really. Great try though.

will we ever meet again?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

Not unless you're Katy Perry

Now was THAT a non-snappy answer?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

It was a snappy answer. Im not katy perry though 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

Only if I buy it.

Can love be partial?


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

I dunno do i sound like im cupid or what

did you see the last hsm movie???

(thats the kind of stupid question i got asked)


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

No, though I don't knwo why they never had a freshman year.


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## Lord of the Fireflies (Mar 18, 2011)

Thats not a question to ask sir.

Does golem learn fire blast?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

If you want it to?

Is it true that all i have to do is believe?


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## wolftamer9 (Mar 18, 2011)

no, you have to get off your butt and try too.

does anybody get this game?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

If you get charlie sheen

Cakecuppys, anyone?


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## mewtini (Mar 18, 2011)

No shut up and eat then yourself (hey, we have to be snappy..)
Was that snappy?


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## Glace (Mar 18, 2011)

If you want it to be.

Speaking of bees, is honey all that sweet?


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## SonicNintendo (Mar 21, 2011)

Go find out.

What?


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## Glace (Mar 21, 2011)

I really don't know.

Fried, roasted, or stew?


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## ignore_this_acct (Mar 22, 2011)

Well, if you really are that curious, cook it yourself!

Do I dare?


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## Glace (Mar 22, 2011)

If you tell the truth.

Truth or dare?


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## I liek Squirtles (Mar 23, 2011)

Cookies.

Herp?


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## Glace (Mar 24, 2011)

NO.

Coke or Pepsi?


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## wolftamer9 (Mar 24, 2011)

Pea soup.

Where is stavromula beta?


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## Glace (Mar 26, 2011)

Alone.

Is this a paradox?


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## Hogia (Mar 29, 2011)

Go ask Stephen Hawking.

Is that an earwig on the wall? :[


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## Glace (Mar 29, 2011)

Chuck Norris will know.

Do I know all?


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## Yami Angel Christian (Apr 5, 2011)

No, but maybe this pencil will!

Does aforementioned pencil wish for world peace?


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## NightGhost (Apr 7, 2011)

No he wants to take over the world

Why is the cake a lie?


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## Zero Moment (Apr 7, 2011)

Because all your base are belong to us.
so i herd u liek mudkipz?


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## NightGhost (Apr 7, 2011)

Yeah I heard it too I need to find this person to ask them

Why is pie better in someones face?


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## Zero Moment (Apr 7, 2011)

Because it is better than trying to divide by π by hand.
What time is it?


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## NightGhost (Apr 7, 2011)

Time to get a watch!

Is herp better than derp?


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## Zero Moment (Apr 7, 2011)

herpity derp herp
Why is my spaghetti blue?


----------



## NightGhost (Apr 7, 2011)

That's my hair!

Why does time fly?


----------



## Zero Moment (Apr 8, 2011)

Because pigs can't.
Wy?


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## NightGhost (Apr 8, 2011)

Why not

Did you hear that?


----------



## wolftamer9 (Apr 8, 2011)

Yes, I heard it over the internet.

Are bananas Evil Yellow Fruit?


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## Zero Moment (Apr 8, 2011)

No, 'cause IMA BANANNA
Why does everything so- *falls over*


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## NightGhost (Apr 8, 2011)

Sweet yu getting down with the groove

Is ash ketum da bomb?


----------



## sv_01 (Apr 8, 2011)

No, he is a misspelled Pokémon trainer.

Is anyone alive out there?


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## NightGhost (Apr 8, 2011)

Famous last words I love them

Who smells like cheese


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## Lili (Apr 8, 2011)

Hey, Javier was raised on a dairy farm, he can't help it, you jerk!

Can anybody find me someone to love?


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## NightGhost (Apr 8, 2011)

Depend how old are you? (I'm kidding it is just for the game)

Is that a cat in that tree


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## Lili (Apr 8, 2011)

No, it's a fireman.  The cat's trying to rescue him.

What's the good news?


----------



## NightGhost (Apr 9, 2011)

What ever isn't the bad one

Is this a pokemon forum?


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## Lili (Apr 9, 2011)

Nope, we prefer Digimon.

Cantalope?


----------



## NightGhost (Apr 9, 2011)

Cheese wheel

Fudge or poop?


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## Zero Moment (Apr 9, 2011)

Spaghetti.
Do all toasters toast toast?


----------



## NightGhost (Apr 9, 2011)

No they butter butter

Why are we still playing?


----------



## SonicNintendo (Apr 11, 2011)

*whines*Because I'm bored, OK?

What is the meaning of life?


----------



## NightGhost (Apr 11, 2011)

42

What is that thing over next the other thing?


----------



## I liek Squirtles (Apr 11, 2011)

Your ass.

Does he swear?


----------



## Zero Moment (Apr 11, 2011)

YOUR MOM.

What color is water?


----------



## Lili (Apr 12, 2011)

Depends.

Are you all by yourself?


----------



## Time Psyduck (Apr 15, 2011)

No, I'm here.

What comes after 3?


----------



## wolftamer9 (Apr 17, 2011)

a question mark.

Is Light Kira?


----------



## sv_01 (Apr 17, 2011)

No, Light is Dax. Kira is Fire.

Where is the sea?


----------



## Superbird (Apr 18, 2011)

Where isn't the sea?

Dragon?


----------



## Lili (Apr 18, 2011)

I know how to train one.

I'm going to the park, do you want to come?


----------



## Superbird (Apr 18, 2011)

Do I _look_ like I want to come to the park?

Why has everyone gone insane lately?


----------



## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 18, 2011)

Grbrgrbrgrbr; azza momomom ungungungung trrrrrrbla!

At what temperature can I safely and thouroughly cook pork?


----------



## Phantom (Apr 18, 2011)

'til it's done.

If you mate a bulldog and a shitzu do you get a bullshit?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (Apr 19, 2011)

No, you get a "dogzu"!

Why is it only hot in London? *mutters "f*****g southerners..."*


----------



## Vipera Magnifica (Apr 20, 2011)

Because the Queen left the stove on again.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?


----------



## Aethelstan (Apr 20, 2011)

The same sound as one foot clapping.

Will there be a math test next tuesday?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (Apr 27, 2011)

No, it'll be a geometry-pi-trigonometry-equilateral hybrid maths test!

Was that a fire or a poor attempt at a barbecue PhaRaoH and I spied walking Krazzy to the bus stop?


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## Time Psyduck (Apr 28, 2011)

I wasn't there, so how am I supposed to know?

Is 2012 really the end of the world.


----------



## Krazoa (Apr 28, 2011)

Nope it's just the end of the movie.

Can you really become a Neko?


----------



## Time Psyduck (Apr 28, 2011)

No

How did I get here?


----------



## Superbird (Apr 29, 2011)

The Big Bang.

Am I sane?


----------



## Aethelstan (Apr 29, 2011)

Only if I am.

What is the 30th letter of the English alphabet?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (Apr 29, 2011)

It's a cross between an "X" and a "T"!

What exactly is Zero looking for back there?


----------



## SonicNintendo (Apr 30, 2011)

Negative one.

Yes?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (Apr 30, 2011)

It didn't!

No?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 2, 2011)

That's what I said.

What's your name?


----------



## Aethelstan (May 2, 2011)

I would have told you by now if I wanted you to know.

Aliens: real or not?


----------



## SonicNintendo (May 2, 2011)

Depends on what you consider illegal immigrants.

Who am I?


----------



## Sypl (May 3, 2011)

A modified bird keeper sprite.

What is 1+1?


----------



## Superbird (May 4, 2011)

3...FOR LARGE VALUES OF ONE!

Oh no! The sky is falling down!


----------



## wolftamer9 (May 4, 2011)

Sky? that's just an empty robin's egg.

is the earth a robin's egg?


----------



## sv_01 (May 4, 2011)

No, it's a Slugma egg.

What does that big red button do?


----------



## Wargle (May 4, 2011)

YOUR MOM?

Who's your mom?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 7, 2011)

You. IN THE FUTURE!!!!

What time is it?


----------



## SonicNintendo (May 9, 2011)

Half-past your deadline. *pinkslip*

Is the sky blue?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 10, 2011)

No, it's purple.

Is is the end of the world yet?


----------



## SonicNintendo (May 10, 2011)

If Palin's elected.

Are robots taking over the world?


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 10, 2011)

No, but Nintendo did.

Will you eat pie?


----------



## SonicNintendo (May 10, 2011)

No, but I will eat 3.14159....

What is pi to the nth decimal place?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 11, 2011)

x

How do you solve a problem like Maria?


----------



## NightGhost (May 18, 2011)

Why do I care about Mario?

Is it a me Mario?


----------



## Aethelstan (May 19, 2011)

Your poor grammar skills have prevented me from answering this question.

If 2 and 2 is 22, what is dog and cat?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 19, 2011)

Conflict

What colour is the grass?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (May 19, 2011)

Blue!

You gotta love Planet Namek?


----------



## SonicNintendo (May 19, 2011)

Not a question, so I can't answer that, oh smart one.

You ready?


----------



## DarkAura (May 19, 2011)

no, i have my fishing gear on and my fishing rod with me to go lay down and watch TV

Is that an octopus?


----------



## zeKieranator (May 19, 2011)

No, that's just a mutant human. He is thought to be good at soccer betting, though.

If the world were destroyed and only you managed to escape in time to save yourself, what would you do?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 20, 2011)

I'm a time traveller. I go back and rescue everyone else. Or I would if I could be bothered.

What do you call that thing?


----------



## Hogia (May 20, 2011)

What thing? Where?

Is that a lamp on my desk?


----------



## Superbird (May 21, 2011)

No, it's a porcelain sculpture with a lightbulb attached to it. 

Was that answer snappy enough?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 21, 2011)

Decide that for yourself.

What should I do with this?


----------



## zeKieranator (May 21, 2011)

Wear it on your head. It looks like a good enough hat.

Is Justin Bieber secretly a girl in disguise?


----------



## Lili (May 21, 2011)

Yes, but to be more clear, he's also the love child of Miley Cyrus and Devon Hamburgerpants.

Can't you see that I love you, oh?


----------



## Vipera Magnifica (May 21, 2011)

Love is not within the visible spectrum. Idiot.

Was that a little harsh?


----------



## Lili (May 21, 2011)

Just a tiny bit.  I'm kind of disappointed.  I like it when people talk rough to me.

Can someone fetch me some hot water for my bath?


----------



## Vipera Magnifica (May 22, 2011)

If we're playing fetch, then you have to throw it first.

Does this jacket make me look fat?


----------



## Time Psyduck (May 22, 2011)

That depends. Do you look any thinner without it.

Where am I going?


----------



## Yami Angel Christian (May 31, 2011)

To take over my position as the thing that moos for no reason at random strangers!

Where did I do all that?


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