# skoot's delicious flashfic dump



## surskitty (Mar 17, 2009)

yeah I know I had a thread already but I didn't want to bump.  This's almost all KHR fanfic, (most of it standalone) but even if you don't know the series or canon characterization at all, I still really appreciate comments on writing style because I've been experimenting a lot and ... want to know what works.  Yes.  


Titles in brackets because I'm a special snowflake.  Flashfic that actually goes together's marked with the group name, but I think that's only the self-indulgent Mukuro AU.




[we're all mad here]

"Um," Tsuna said eloquently.

"Yes?"  Byakuran smiled.

"W-when you said 'final battle', this... isn't what I had in mind."  He looked at the platter sadly: _so much food_.

"I wanted it to be fair!"  Byakuran _leers_; Tsuna wonders if he opens his eyes for anything other than that and glaring.  He's certainly felt awkward, much like being near Mukuro for an extended length of time, except --

"But, um, didn't you hate me and everything I stand for?"

"Oh, but Tsunayoshi-kun~  Settling everything with an eating competition is so ... clean.  It's even better than a fight _after_ lunch!"  He stops to mope at his (empty) plate and reaches for another pizza.

"It's just that... I don't see how it's _relevant_."  He did have a point about it being cleaner, though: food is simpler than another long and ardous fight.  It'd just be better if Byakuran hadn't already eaten three pizzas and two bowls of ramen, with no sign of stopping.  The s'mores might be overkill.

"Did you ask Shou-chan if he'll come camping?" Byakuran says instead, having completely disregarded him.

"N-no," Tsuna mumbles.  It's... probably better than a fight, maybe.  It's also good that the loser is whoever is full first: Tsuna's barely eaten, and losing to _Byakuran_ would be dangerous, even over lunch.

"Well, when you do, tell him that I've packed a few bottles of Tums.  He gets these stomach issues all the time, you know."

_Isn't that because you terrify him?!_ Tsuna wanted to scream.  A final battle to the death, fine.  An eating contest, trippy.  A cordial conversation with someone that wants him dead while having an eating contest that consisted more of watching while Byakuran inhaled pizza and ramen like heart attacks didn't exist, did he die and go to Purgatory?  Was Mukuro invading his dreams again?

--

[100 Glo sticks, all in a row]

"Aah, Irie-sama, we have a problem."

"What is it?"  He glared at the grunt for good measure.

"Ah, um, the cloning machine?  Glo Xinia tripped into it."

Irie stared in horror.  "How many of him are there?"

"Eighty-three molesting the Cervello, two unconscious and bleeding to death, twelve swaggering through the halls, and three on an unspecified mission."

---

[no one loves you when you're evil]

"Good morning," he had said, when he met with the large (intimidating?  Not to him, or any remotely like him, but the other people there might have thought so, if they hadn't realised the three men in suits to be what they were) man and his charge.  It seemed appropriate enough at the time.

Six minutes later -- long enough to (pretend to) attempt what he was sent to do -- it no longer seems very appropriate.  The table is covered in blood, or possibly shrapnel; illusionists make it hard to tell sometimes.  And he hasn't even had tea yet.

_Mukuro-sama,_ his host asks softly, _why did you do that?_  She sounds less like she wants to know and more like she had been asked to ask.

_They were mafia scum,_ and that's enough for him, really. 

He looks down at the bloodied and traumatised -- but living -- mess at his feet, then steps gingerly around them.  It wouldn't do to track blood on the lawn.  Someone would complain, and then where would he be?  In a jar, chained to a lid, that's where.

"Don't get in my way," he says, and he's gone.

"-- and then the boss pulled a box so he destroyed them," Chrome relates later.  Tsuna deserves the full -- or full enough -- story, she feels; Mukuro does not instruct otherwise.

Tsuna, for his part, makes an effort to not go green; he almost succeeds.  "Aah, um, did he really have to...?"

"So soft, Tsunayoshi-kun," he says through Chrome.  "They _were_ trying to kill me."

"S-somehow, that doesn't make me feel better...."

---

[careful: it'll stain]

There is little that Gokudera would refuse if asked, but he _is_ stunned when Tsuna (for a bet, courtesy of Reborn, which Tsuna neither agreed to nor even heard of until thirty seconds earlier) asks him to put on a dress.  Still, if it's for the Tenth....

---

[product placement]

"Um, Lissuria, I don't think that remote goes there...."

---

[unwanted expertise]

"The secret," Reborn says, deadpan as always, while Tsuna wonders if it's possible to die from acute embarrassment, or, even better, to make this conversation have _never happened_, "is to look for 'For External Use Only.'"

---

[when the cat's away]

Shamal looked like he wanted to _die_.  "I don't know how it happened -- and I really don't want to know, either, because that's just not right and I'm a doctor and I know it doesn't work that way -- but... Hayato?  You're pregnant."

---

[attention deficit hyperactivity disorder]

Sometimes, it seemed that the single worst thing about having Gokudera as an ally was how easily he could be distracted by mythological creatures, be it the genuine article or merely something odd.  In particular, Chiyo-chichi _was not amused_ by his sudden fanclub and religious following.

Mukuro laughed and laughed and laughed.

---

[government subsidies]

"Lambo-san is a milking cow!" he proclaimed proudly.  

---

[when in Sicily...]

And so, Haru found herself as the VP of the Tsuna Fan Club, much to her dismay: she should've been _first_.  Gokudera would have to go.

---

[insecticide]

Reborn resolved to never tell Colonnello exactly _what_ the Lal Mirch of the future was doing with those centipedes, anyway.

---

[but what if I had died]

Quite possibly the worst decision Mangusta had ever made in his life -- worse than trying the desolation bullet while Hibari was watching, even -- was using it on that strange homeroom teacher.  Especially given that he seemed to be prone to breakdowns without any assistance....

"I'm in despair!  The depths of my despair have left me in despair!  I have no purpose, no reason to be, beyond cheap jokes based on suicide!  My character is one-dimensional!  My harem is illegal in several countries and completely insane!"

At least it's better than the "MY LIFE IS COMPLETE DARKNESS" spiel.

---

[sells better than weapons]

As soon as Futa relaxes, he resolves to insist on knowing what rankings to do _beforehand_.  The ranking planet has no need to hear of their "abilities" and Futa worries that his reputation may never recover.

---

[no capes]

Tsuna stared.  Evidently, Ryohei had watched too many cliche superhero movies and ... "You will join the boxing club!" he yelled as he practiced his _psychic powers_.

---

[mafia jedi use brute Force]

After watching the original Star Wars trilogy, Ryohei had come to the conclusion that the jedi were _extreme_.  So extreme, in fact, that he started waving one hand and yelling, "You will join the boxing club!"

---

[candy from strangers]

Tsuna had already realized that his captor probably had a few screws loose (who wakes people up with tea and a rant on what they like about Japan, honestly) but he was still confused by the lollipop.  Maybe he could just hold onto it until Spanner was distracted enough that he wouldn't notice that Tsuna had set it down.

Maybe Lambo would ditch the cow motif.

---

[like giving candy to a baby]

Spanner frowned: the kid had jumped him, stole his lollipops, and didn't even flinch when Spanner said, "Would you like some candy, little boy?"  He was starting to run out of ideas.

Lambo, for his part, was starting to get a stomachache.

---

[I, for one, welcome our new mafia overlords]

Part of the problem of being No Good Tsuna was the ability to screw up amazingly at random.  "Hey, Tsuna?  You're not wearing pants."

---

[certainty against the odds]

Chrome will win, Mukuro knows, despite being lost and confused in a strange time.  She's never failed him yet, after all.

---

[a chronic lack of pants]

One of the upsides to life with Reborn was that Tsuna learned very quickly that clean underwear was important.  If he might have to go into Dying Will Mode, then it would be a good thing to avoid accidentally flashing everyone.  It being Reborn with the gun (and Tsuna's life being what it was), this meant going commando was _never_ a good idea.  Hospitals be damned: _everyone_ would find out.

---

[I like shorts.  They're comfy and easy to wear!]

"Kangaryuu, I choose you!  FIRE PUNCH!" Tsuna very much wished that Pokémon had never existed: then maybe his friends could stop making jokes about the box animals.  Not that the boxes seemed to mind.

---

[amateur dentistry]

"Ken, stop _squirming_," Chikusa admonished from the safety of a few feet away.  The unfortunate dentist looked like he wanted to flee, but had gotten the impression that things would go very badly for him if he tried.  Could be worse, though: the girl had conveyed -- in very few words -- that Mukuro would be Displeased if Ken bit off the dentist's hand.  She had also made it very clear to him that cavities, especially if one's abilities relied on teeth, were a _bad thing_.

Not that it seemed to be helping.  "I don't need it, byon!" he growled, slurring his words slightly.  All involved had been of the opinion that sedating the boy would help avoid _too_ much trouble, although he seemed to be mostly resistant to it.  About the only effect it seemed to have was that his -- already slow -- mind was foggier than ever.

---

[the blitzkrieg bop]

And so, Tsuna and his friends spent the weekend playing Rock Band.

It was for the best, really.

---

[simple change in genotype]

"A dying will bullet to the groin is the Genderswitch Bullet," Reborn explained calmly.

"Don't worry, Tsuna-san!  I'll love you forever even if you are a girl!"

"Dammit, woman!  Stop bothering the Tenth!"

"Haha, Tsuna, I never knew you were into that sort of thing!"

---

[nervous twitch]

Irie Shouichi tried very hard to convince himself that he was not going slowly insane, but it was getting increasingly difficult.  "The box is STARING AT ME," he whimpered, watching it for sudden movements.  

The box stayed exactly where it was.  Almost as if it was a normal box, rather than a box of -- of pure _EVIL_ that inserted itself into his life and turned out to be some sort of beacon for misfortune.

It was unfair, really.

---

[nerves on fire]

And so, ten years later, Irie Shouichi felt completely justified in his hatred for the Vongola.  What made things worse was that they didn't even have the decency to _stay dead_.  As such, the only possible solution was to, upon meeting the younger Vongola Tenth, take the box off of its shelf and wave it pleadingly in his direction.  (And after all, just because someone's smart doesn't mean they have an ounce of common sense.  And Byakuran was listening, anyway.)  "Just _take the damn thing back again already!_" he cried.

"... what?"

"The box!  It's been sitting there, tormenting me, for _eleven years!_  ELEVEN. YEARS.  I haven't had a single full night's sleep since then!"

---

[we'll dress like washerwomen]

"Um, Bianchi-nee, I don't think this is a good idea..." Futa said hesitantly, knowing full well that Bianchi's temper was never a good thing to test at the best of times.  While trying to sneak into the Vongola Tenth's base without being spotted or trailed by the Black Spell was not the best of times.

Bianchi smiled serenely and held up a dress.  "It'll be fine.  Nobody will notice."

Futa resisted the urge to say, 'No, it's _not_ fine, any plan that involves putting on a dress is not a good plan, Bianchi-nee.'  "But Bianchi-nee, I rank 487 out of 512 mafiosi for 'Best Crossdresser!'"

"Who's first?" she said, reaching over for some suitable padding to assist in their endeavour.

He frowned.  She might not like the answer, but she _did_ ask.  "... Reborn."

He could have sworn that she had made an appreciative sound at the response, but that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?  Why would... wait, train of thought can stay well away from Bianchi and Reborn's exploits, especially given that Reborn was normally in the shape of an infant.  Not worth questioning, and definitely not worth thinking about.

---

[no child left behind]

While it had taken a while for the truth of the matter to sink in, Tsuna eventually had to acknowledge it: Gokudera lied a lot.  Sure, it was never intended maliciously (as Gokudera was about as capable of intentionally upsetting the Tenth as Hibari was of holding an intelligent conversation on 'love') but it was obvious: Gokudera omitted things.  In particular, anything that even the emotionally-stunted explosives expert could tell that would make Tsuna worry.  Or, although this was slightly less obvious, anything related to himself.

Gokudera had neglected to mention that not only had Squalo reappeared in Namimori, but he had apparently had a[nother] rematch with Yamamoto.  In fact, half of Varia (with the exceptions of Xanxus and Levi, the latter being only slightly less of a stalker than Gokudera.  Viper had revisited earlier, following a message from Reborn on the events in the alternate future, and had then made himself scarce) had apparently decided that re-encountering their past opponents was a wonderful idea.  Luckily for everyone involved, most of the pairs had developed rivalries, but that still did not cover for Gokudera's omission of the Rain Guardian's rematch.

Or of Gokudera's own fight with Belphegor, which had been badly hidden and only went unnoticed from their apparent restraint.  Lussuria had gotten involved, complaining that Belphegor broke his DS, which led to how Tsuna originally found out about it: from Ryohei, a week and a half later.

Which led to Tsuna's frequent predicament: how to get Gokudera to just _tell_ him things in a way that would avoid Gokudera's enormous inferiority complex.  Just asking was right out: Gokudera would overreact apologetically and miss the point entirely.  He would simply work harder on keeping anything not major enough to concern Tsuna with (and what _was_?) out of Tsuna's concern, rather than change: that much was obvious.

"Morning, tenth!"

---

[crazy like a fox]

The fox _glared_ at the infant who had apparently encountered absolutely no difficulty in: a. getting into the tent unnoticed (and how exactly did he do that? Redd wondered: there was only the one entrance and the tent had been set up on solid concrete) b. finding exactly what he wanted (the single non-forged painting in his collection: a feat considering how Redd was fairly certain that he had not even _packed_ it) and c. procuring all of his personal information (including his credit card numbers) in what had to be a very short timespan.  And he probably wouldn't have even noticed if said baby had not then went back _outside_, stepped in through the opening, and said, "Ciaossu, Redd."

Less than an hour later, Redd was starting to wonder if he really _had_ gone crazy.  Certainly no sane world would have such an accomplished conman be....  Well.  Less than two feet tall.

---

[it's legal in Spain]

"Byakuran-san, _no_."

"But Shou-chan~"

"It's not worth it.  Besides, if the Black Spell found out, they'd go ballistic."

"I _would_ ask first, Shou-chan," he said reproachfully.  "They can't fight too much if she _agreed_."

"... but you could tell her to say that the sky is pale green with orange polkadots and it's raining moscas _and she would say it_ --"

"It's still consent!"

"-- and anyway, that's statutory rape --"

"We're in the business of illegal, Shou-chan~"

"-- and one of these days you're going to get _diseases_ and then half of White Spell will die of _syphilis_ --"

"There's treatment for that, you know."

"-- and _then_ you'll never get ultimate power and conquer the universe."

"..."

"..."

"... so no sleeping with Uni?"

"No!"

"... you're cute when you're angry, Shou-chan~"

---

[gang aft agley]

Tsuna found himself wondering - not for the first time that day - exactly _how_ unbalanced the Black Spell mechanic could _actually be_.  Trying to _kill him with giant robots_ was probably not the best possible introduction, and ... handcuffs and candy didn't fix things.

---

[feeling pretty]

"R-Reborn, why?!" Tsuna spluttered, having temporarily forgotten that Reborn did what Reborn wanted to do, regardless of Earth logic, or, indeed, physics.

"Don't think about it too hard," he (she?) advised.

---

[cyanide in the hay]

The first time Dino shows up at Tsuna's house unannounced, uninvited, and with news that (while important) did not _technically_ have to make its way to Tsuna _and did_, Dino can tell that Gokudera is irritated.  To be frank, Gokudera is fucking pissed, but on the scale of "Gokudera's Hatred for All Things Neither Tenth Nor Gokudera," it translated to mildly irritated.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I'm taking Kyouya on a trip to Nepal!" said Dino cheerily.

"Why are you -- what are you -- fuck.  What?"

"Reborn said he needs more training.  So I'm going to show him the world!"

Gokudera looked like he was contemplating homicide, a marked improvement over suicide.  "Fuck, do you even realise how the fuck that sounds?"

---

[dumpster diving]

It had taken years for the decrepit couch to finally be abandoned by the three four three, but only a day for Ken to find a replacement.  The replacement -- while considerably larger (now being able to fit all three of them at the same time without difficulty, not that anyone could tell as both Ken and Chikusa preferred to keep their distance from Chrome or Mukuro, and Chrome was not the sort to push the issue) -- seemed to have been chosen only because it smelled strongly of cat urine, which did not help stop Sawada Tsunayoshi's attempts at increasing the quality of the Kokuyo gang's lives (none of them being willing to accept his assistance: Ken, Chikusa, and Mukuro due to a general dislike of Tsuna and his ilk; Chrome due to shyness and an unwillingness to be a burden).

"This reeks, byon."

"You chose it."

"Don't you care at all?!"

"... troublesome.  Avoid attention, Ken."

---

[heroin is cheaper]

Luxord sighed.  "Demyx, my deck does not include anything from collectible card games.  Stop looking."

"But all I need is a Black Lotus and my collection will be complete!"

---

[worst babysitter ever]

No one is entirely sure why Belphegor, known _batshit insane_ asshole, was babysitting the small and irritating Guardian of Thunder.  Honestly, it was lucky that he hadn't decided to dismember the dumb cow for yelling (Lambo never understanding that this might've been a good time to _shut up_), Levi hadn't known about it (what a wonderful occasion to get rid of the cow! given that Belphegor was _right there_ and also batshit insane), and Basil found out in time to avoid disaster.

Which he did, assuming one's idea of complete and utter disaster did not include attempts to convince Belphegor that video games really _were_ better than poking at small children to find out what makes them tick, or Bel's unwillingness to let either Basil or Lambo anywhere near _his_ Wii.  So they played with XANXUS's, which is all well and good until one considers that Xanxus _might find out_.

---

[come with me: the time is right]

"Heeeeeey, Kakipi!" Ken yelled, waving the controller around in a fit of frustration.  (Apparently he was a firm believer in pressing B for fun and profit.  The fact that his attacks had been missing repeatedly did nothing to dissuade him from this.)  "Look at what I just got!"

Chikusa obligingly looked up from his physics textbook and at the screen.  "What."  

'Your TOGEPI hatched from the EGG!  Would you like to give a nickname to the newly hatched TOGEPI?' the screen read.  Chikusa watched irritably as Ken selected that yes, he would like to name the... egg thing, and proceeded to name it 'KAKI--'

"What are you doing."

"KAKIPI, I CHOOSE YOU, PYON~" Ken yelled, after saving three times so that there was _no way that Chikusa could change it_, short of finding the name rater.  "Hey, don't hit me, byonbyon!  Just because you're a grumpy four-eyes doesn't mean that I can't have fun!"

... at least the original trainer of "MUKURO" was appropriate.  And Chikusa could wait until Mukuro realized that _Ken stole his game._

---

[Phase III: Magus]

"Um, Hibari-san, why do you have a herd of tiny Hibari-sans following you...?"

"Pack.  I am not a herbivore."  Hibari raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'Don't ask stupid questions or I'll feed your liver to my bird.'  

Unfortunately for Tsuna, he had never quite understood non-verbal cues.  "Sorry...!  It's just... How are you multiplying?"

"Cloud attribute," he said flatly.  Propagation, then.

_But that doesn't make any *sense*,_ Tsuna wanted to say.  However, Tsuna's 'brain to mouth' filter was apparently working for once in his life, and so, he managed to keep all of his internal organs exactly that.

---

[but don't ears mean virginity?]

"Miaossu.  I am Reboneko," Reborn said calmly as Tsuna stared wordlessly at the felt ears and - Tsuna didn't know what the tail was made of and probably didn't want to: it was moving.

"... w-why?!" he managed after a solid fifteen seconds of staring (in which Yamamoto laughed and picked up the offending ... catboy.)

"I was bored," the baby stated, and continued as an afterthought, "Don't ask stupid questions," and he kicked Tsuna in the face.

"Wow, these are really realistic, haha!"

"I killed seven kittens for them."

"Haah, if you say so!"

---

[the end and the aftermath]

_Goodbye.  I'm sorry._

He'd helped to fix this future (but how can you fix what's missing the most important part?) and avoid it in one timeline (but how many others led to this?) but that didn't change what's important.

Spanner was the enemy.  Was the enemy, had been the enemy, switched sides (but who could be sure?) to help the one person that Gokudera could trust with everything (eventually).  Irie, too, but if he couldn't accept that _Spanner_ had switched, like hell he'd be fine with Shoichi.

They claimed the Tsuna of the past accepted them into the Family.  Giannini and Futa and Bianchi agreed.  Tsuna even left a letter, long and heartfelt and awkwardly apologetic.

Still.

"Out of my way, asshole."

"Sorry, sorry, just need the lemon juice and olive oil," Spanner mumbles quickly as he adds them to his rather-large collection of supplies: rubbing alcohol and oil and vaseline and gloves and clean towels.

"What are you doing?"

"Shoichi --"  Gokudera darkens.  "-- needed help with his latest project.  He wants to try different fuels."

He almost considers asking for the specs, maybe contributing, but no.  _They're not worthy,_ he thinks, and feels justified: _Millefiore._  "Go away."

"One moment," and Spanner adjusts his burdens and leaves.

"You can't project it onto them forever, Gokudera.  It's not healthy," Yamamoto says from the doorway.  

He almost jumps -- how long had he been there? -- but simply glares.  "The hell am I projecting."

"They weren't the ones that killed Tsuna."

"They sure as hell didn't stop it," and Yamamoto _winces_.

"Yes, they did."

"Not when it mattered."

"If they didn't do what they did when they did, the younger Tsuna _would've died_.  Let it go.  Byakuran's dead."

"And a lot of good that does him, huh."

Yamamoto just looks at him, then leaves in the same direction as the technician.


"He'll lighten up eventually."

"...."  Spanner keeps tightening the bolt while Shoichi fights with his blueprints.

"Not too much, though; he is Gokudera, haa...."

"Mm."

"It's just -- rough on him.  He's still lost."

"... Is there anything you need?" Irie asks carefully; he's used to thin ice, even if the Vongola have been more forgiving.  It's still so easy to trip.

"Nah.  Let me know if you're hungry, though; I'll start dinner."

---

[round and round] [self-indulgent mukuro au]

It's about five minutes into the conversation before she realizes what has been bothering her the entire time:

"You're not him."

It's a testament the improvements to his acting that it took so long, or maybe this Tsuna is less observant.  He should've considered that maybe the unfamiliarity of his world would dampen the trademark Vongola Intuition; he should've considered a lot of things, really, but there's no time like the present.  The wheel doesn't turn back.  

"Hoh?" 'Gokudera' says easily; the right responses only matter if your cover isn't blown, after all, and no recognizable Tsuna would mention the slight differences in mannerisms before reaching the right conclusion.  It helps that he's learned some finesse over the years, and perhaps that his world's Vongola has grown used to his walks: Chrome has more important things to do than play his games, (she has her own) and he can't risk direct action: too many 

"... Mukuro.  Why would you do this...?"

"Maybe I was bored," he responds smoothly.  It's not a lie, not really.

"But --"

"Would you rather I go?"  He might even listen, if she said yes -- easier and more effective to be ... not loyal and trustworthy, but rarely destructive: taking his friends' places briefly is not in the same league as organizing an ambush, and he has his debts (_what's done is done and what would've could've *should've* been isn't_: even the bazooka can't change all timelines, and he knows how it might've been, still might go) --

-- but she doesn't.  "Is he okay?"

"Last I heard, yes."  For a given value of 'okay': it's been changing, lately.

"Then it's fine."

"Follow me, then."

"W-why?"

_Because I don't know what to do._  "Your dogs would want to see you."

"... You care?"

"Not really, no."  It's comforting, seeing his (not his) target right there, but 

---

[the enemy of my enemy] [self-indulgent mukuro au]

[self-indulgent mukuro au] 
They're surrounded, but it doesn't matter: location is meaningless when the enemy is busy with illusions.  The only issue is that, as far as Tsuna's aware, Chrome's not there: he's not sure where she'd be, but he assumes with Ken and Chikusa, wherever that is.  Which means that either they've got an unknown ally (unlikely) or Mukuro's using a less-common host.  And since no one he doesn't recognize is there, that means:

"Gokudera-kun again?" Tsuna asks, watching Gokudera -- Mukuro, really -- carefully.

"My Chrome was busy," he says lightly.

"... does she mind?"

"Not usually."

"Well, thank you, then."

"I'll still kill you, you know."  Just not now.

"You're welcome to try."

---

[keep your friends close but your enemies closer] [self-indulgent mukuro au]

He's just about to leave when Tsuna taps him on the shoulder.  He flinches, but stops.

"-- wait!  I... wanted to thank you, for back there."

"...?"  Mukuro's expression looks like it'd be more fitting if Tsuna was made entirely of giant talking e. coli, but he continues anyway.

"We would've been in trouble if you didn't show up and --"

He's had enough of this.  "You're _my_ target.  Nothing more.  Nothing less."

"But --"

He smiles, punches himself in the face, and leaves.  Gokudera seems dazed -- a punch in the face can do that -- but after a moment, he's at least aware enough to swear profusely.

"THAT ASSHOLE HE TOOK MY FUCKING BODY _AGAIN_," he starts, before remembering: "Is the tenth okay!?"

"It's okay, Gokudera-kun: everyone's fine.  I'm still me."

That's settled, then.  "HOW DARE HE!  HE COULD'VE HURT THE TENTH _AND I COULDN'T GET HIM OUT_ -- I'm sorry I failed you!! -- DOESN'T HE HAVE HIS OWN MINIONS TO POSSESS WHY DOES HE KEEP TRYING TO USE ME DAMN THAT GUY"

"Haha, what a funny guy --"

"-- WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MORON --"

"-- he says he hates everyone and everything and then he comes to the rescue --"

"-- I COULD'VE TAKEN CARE OF IT --"

"-- but if he really wanted us dead --"

"-- WHY THE FUCK DID THAT PSYCHO GET INVOLVED --"

"-- then he could've just stood around or helped them instead --"

"-- THIS DOES NOT MAKE HIM LESS OF A PSYCHOPATH --"

"-- but then he goes and tries to help us!  I think there's a word for that sort of thing --"

"-- ARE YOU LOOKING FOR 'CRAZY' --"

"-- but I can't remember it right now....  Maa, maybe he's undercover?"

---

[milk cartons] [self-indulgent mukuro au]

It's the third time in a week before Tsuna can finally keep the mist guardian in one place for long enough to ask: "Where's Chrome?"

"Busy," he says again, but Tsuna's sick of that particular non-answer.

"_Where_ is Chrome?" he repeats, holding his head in his hands.

"Busy.  Safe.  Not here."

"Mukuro-san, please.  It's important."  _I care._

He looks away, and Tsuna can tell he wants to leave.  "Puerto Rico."

"Why?"

"I asked her to."


----------

