# The Chosen: Stolen Element



## RosxRebirth (Sep 19, 2009)

Caution Rated: PG-13: For Violence, Scary scenes, and Clickables. Oh and Blood.
Ok, here is my first shot. I don't have Microsoft word or anything so I can't do spell-check or anything like that.


Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1 (Not finished)


Prologue

Endless rain slammed against the ground, it never ended. Thunder crackles in the distance, it echoes all around the cozy ship. The storm has been going for days without stop. 
_Something is disturbing the elements,_ Grag thought, _The temple must be somewhere around here._
     Grag looked up at the stormy sky. He took his hand and pushed his greasy black hair back, and scratched his head. He sighed in utter frustration. His expedition has failed again. Giovanni was give him the snap. There was no reasoning with that person. Grag sighed again.
     "Why... Why did I turn to a life of crime?," He cried sadly.
_ Snap!_ Grag turned in fear. He screamed in horror of what he saw. A dark humanoid creature stood at the top of the ship's deck. It had one luminous yellow eye staring at Grag. It had two tendrils where a one hand should be, and on Claw where the other should be. Grag knew what this pokemon was, Ezetrion. Ruler of Storms. Wielder of thunder and wind. 
     Ezectrion whipped for the mast like thunder. Grag reached down for his only pokemon.
     "Go Spititomb!" He yelled, as he threw a pokeball. This was his only chance. To show Giovanni who really is boss. The Pokeball opened with a burst of light. Leaving a Rock where the pokeball once was. The rock suddenly transformed into a ghost popping up all around the ship. Confusing the opposing pokemon.
     "Show him who is boss!" Grag screamed, and the Spiritomb Obeyed. A Ball of black light emitted instantly out of Spititomb. Ezetrion was slammed by it, but was only dazed for a second. Instantly a Earsplitting shock hit the boat. Then it split into two peices. Spiritomb instantly was defeated with another Thunder.
     Ezetrion looked down at Grag. Then the boat exploded.

Chapter 1

The constant rain falling it deep puddles, comforted the young boy. A bit of lightning was brewed in with the storm. The boy shudders at the thought of a flash flood. It has been raining since he has been born. The elders say the world is being envoloped by a 'Dark Storm'. A 'Dark Storm' Is a endless thunder storms, that contains tons of flash floods.
     Will was a quite a small kid compared to the other kids that were twelve. He feared every day of school, knowing he would be picked on; or even punched. He had dirty blonde hair, that mixed well with his green eyes. Another unusaul thing about him was a ability he knew very little about. Since he was a baby he could tell what pokemon were feeling, and rarely thinking. He was scarred for life when somebody murdered his father, after a promotion at his job. His mom has been dead before he could remember, and so he lived with his chubby Step-mom: Alissa.
     "Will go to bed!," Alissa bellowed, "Tommorow you get you starter.

Sorry I'l finish Chapter 1 later, I have to finish my homework 0.0


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## Involuntary Twitch (Sep 21, 2009)

Hey, welcome to TCoD!

This fic isn't bad, but a little on the short side. Okay, very on the short side. I like what you've got with the prologue, though-- I love a good fakefic. x3 You've got a number of grammar errors already, however: random capitalizations, incorrect usage of punctuation, wanton cruelty to the common comma... that's not to say that it isn't legible, it's just... short.

Also, "tomorrow you get your first Pokemon" is cliche, and you know it. Why not have it be the day after he gets his first Pokemon? You use same format that I've seen in infinite numbers of other fics: Paragraph to set the scene, expository paragraph about the protagonist, dialogue with a relative about Pokemon.

Write more and better and don't lift plot directly out of the games and other fanfics and you should be all right. :3


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