# [Short story] Sakura



## Kai Lucifer (Nov 9, 2008)

First of all, before I post this, I have to admit that my last two attempts at writing fic were lousy. So lousy, I won't even bother saying how lousy they were. But this is, seriously, decent.

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He’s running for his life.

A few minutes ago, he was not running.  He was sitting at a desk, ruffling his hair.  The old, wooden desk at which he sat was roughly centered between rows of similar desks, on the left side of the room.  Ahead of him, a chalkboard read: English examination, Paper A, part 1, 45 minutes.  He glanced out of the window just for a second.  On the horizon, he could see the great Tokyo city looming over him, full of its busy traffic and its constant noise.  The sun was shining brightly and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  The sunlight landed directly on the concrete slabs that made up the grounds of his school.  Outside, a few people were sitting down next to a cherry blossom tree.  They were relaxing on a checkered blanket and eating something.  He thought how lucky they were to be enjoying the afternoon sun.

He looked back down at his paper.  He’d barely finished the first few questions and the test was already half-way through.  He placed his pencil between his thumb into his first two fingers, and once again ruffled his hair.  He thought about the question a little, but had no idea how to answer it.  He heard a noise to his right.  The girl sitting at the desk there subtly handed him a slip of paper.  He opened it up, and read it to himself. He looked at her and smiled.   She smiled back, and then returned to her work.  He wrote down something on his paper, and yawned.  The afternoon sun had made him drowsy and he couldn’t keep his eyes open, so he folded his arms and rested his head on them.  He closed his eyes, and drifted off. 

He dreamed.  He dreamed of the people picnicking outside and pictured himself and her sitting there.  Of him eating a rice ball.  Of her drinking a glass of juice.  Of them talking about anything, while enjoying the sunny afternoon and the spring breeze.  A cherry blossom landed on her nose, and she sneezed.  They both laughed, and then smiled at each other.  They lay down, looked up at the sky, and held each other’s hands.  

Someone screamed.  The single scream was followed by many others, along with a horrible wailing and the pounding of the rain hitting the ground.  The spring breeze turned to a cold wind, belting the raindrops into the ground. Each of them thumped with a terrifying roar.  He turned to look at her, but she was gone.  All that he could see was the tree, a single blossom fell, and it seemed to dance in the wind.

A loud bang woke him up.  His reaction wasn’t immediate; he slowly lifted his head up from his folded arms and looked back over to the window.  The grand city of Tokyo that loomed over him before now lay in ruins.  The noises of the traffic were replaced with loud sirens and people screaming.  The sun was blocked by smoke and ashes, and the sky was a rich crimson, like blood.  Surprised, he looked down at the ground.  The picnickers were gone, but the blanket remained there.  At least, most of it did, as part of it appeared to have been torn apart.  The cherry blossom tree was still there, but it had been stripped bare of most of its flowers.  Looking back up at the room, he realized that he was alone.  Desks and chairs had been thrown around, while papers lay scattered everywhere.

And then the whistling came.  That horrible whistling noise that he had heard in his dream was coming from the sky, gradually getting louder.  He looked out of the window again, and he could see, through the grey clouds of ash and smoke, a small black object falling through the sky.  There was no doubt about what it was.  He turned around, panic-stricken, and ran into the hallway.  Seconds later, there was an explosion.  He didn’t dare look back at the destruction that it had caused, all he could do was run.
Now, he’s running for his life.  His trainers slap across the floor.  His arms punch frantically through the air.  He can hear the room he was in a few seconds ago collapsing behind him, but he continues to run through the hallway.  He skids along the floor as he turns a corner, and sees the devastation a previous bomb must have caused.  A massive chunk of the floor and wall are missing, and what is left of it burns a vibrant mix of red and white.  He tries to walk around the huge gap, sidling along the opposite wall.  
The noise of the explosion behind him is deafening.  He loses his balance and falls off of the ledge, onto the floor below him. His leg is impaled on a jagged part of the wall.  The pain is agony as he tries to limp away, he wants to scream, but his lungs are filled with the acrid mixture of smoke and dust, and he carries on.

He knows he needs to reach the door and escape to safety.  The smell is unbearable; he can still hear screams in the distance.  He looks down at his leg and notices that it is bleeding profusely, but his need to escape dulls the pain and he pushes himself onwards.  The ground floor of the building is in ruins, piles of rubble and glass litter the floor, he drops to his knees as the pain in his leg becomes excruciating.  He picks his head up and looks around.  He notices that he can get away through the gaping hole where the wall has collapsed.  He thinks that he can see people outside, but he is unsure; it could just be the smoke forming silhouettes. He drags himself through the shrapnel to the edge of the wall, and takes a moment to catch his breath.

He looks around at the destroyed school.  The entrance, in pieces, lies to his left, and he notices something sticking out.  He manages to pick himself up off of the dusty floor and drags himself the last few painful meters.  As he gets closer, he realises; it’s an arm.  He gains speed, fear racing through his panicked mind and blood dripping from his wounded leg.  As he arrives, fear turns to shock, disgust, and pain.  It’s her.  He frantically digs through the rubble, trying to save her, mild hope that she is still alive.

But as he cradles her in his arms, he knows it’s hopeless.  For the second time that day, he closes his eyes, and rain and tears become one.  Another bomb falls from the sky, and from the tree, the last of the cherry blossoms dances in the wind for the two lovers, now joined in their final fate.
END.

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## Dewgong (Nov 9, 2008)

Sad, but I liked it.

You write nicely.


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## Kai Lucifer (Nov 10, 2008)

Aww, thanks.


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## Dewgong (Nov 10, 2008)

I had to come back and read it again.


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## Dannichu (Nov 11, 2008)

This is really, really great; you're really good at imagery and pacing. Uh, these are my random thoughts while reading it:



> full of its busy traffic and its noises


I think this'd sound better if you gave the noises an adjective, too. "loud" or "constant" or something; it'd just make it flow a little better :3



> He’s running for his life. His trainers slap across the floor.


The way this flicks back to the present my echoing the first line is good, but the tense-shift would be made a little smoother with a "And now" at the beginning.



> but his need to escape dulls the pain and he pushes himself onwards.


I really really like this bit :3



> takes a minute to catch his breath.


I can't help but feel "a moment" would work better than "minute"; a minute is quite a long period of time, and it takes away some of the intensity you've built up. 



> As he gets closer, he realises; it’s an arm. [...] As he cradles her in his arms


It'd be really great to have a little scene of him frantically digging through the rubble to get her out here. And after all the detailed scenes of his escape, it's a little jarring to have to assume he drags her out. 

But overall it's really, really great :D Good luck with your assessment of it~


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## Kai Lucifer (Nov 11, 2008)

Aww, thanks Danni. I've edited it with the stuff you told me to add in.


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## Dannichu (Nov 12, 2008)

Kai said:


> Aww, thanks Danni. I've edited it with the stuff you told me to add in.


_Suggested!_ I'd never _tell_ someone how to write their own story D:

Glad I helped, though :3


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