# Weirdest conversations you have had.



## Automata heart (May 30, 2011)

mine was probably today when talking to my mum, we discussed calmly how i would dispose  of the body if I killed her.
Whats yours?


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## Aenrhien (Jun 1, 2011)

I had a very long, drawn out conversation with my guild on WoW about torturing our guild leader. He participated. Not just watched; he logged in, asked what we were talking about and jumped right in like it was the most normal discussion in the world.


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## Arylett Charnoa (Jun 1, 2011)

Too many to count. I always have really weird conversations. Notable example I can think of though, staying on the death topic, is when a friend of mine and I began to roleplay my funeral and I described my dead body as he read out a eulogy. 

And another one I had about nasal sex and gay dolphins being the only mammals that have it. (Yes, you just learned something you didn't want to know!)

Most of my weird conversations probably involve sex in some way, now that I think of it.


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## Dannichu (Jun 2, 2011)

I've had a few conversations with my mother in a sorta-similar vein to Sakura's, with my mum saying how, if she ever loses her mental faculties, she wants me and/or my sister to kill her (in complete seriousness, so it's way less funny).

Another, more lighthearted conversation I had with my mum, was on the phone when Wales was beating Ireland at rugby and she started blaming my Welsh housemate for everything, including the weather.

And I find the number of conversations my mother and sister have about me being "fake-Asian" a bit peculiar. Grabby genuinely thinks I look east-Asian, and I suspect my mum only agrees to confuse me (I've been mistaken for races, genders and ages I'm decidedly _not_ more frequently than the average person).


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## Not Meowth (Jun 3, 2011)

me said:
			
		

> If a zombie has sex with a zombie is it still necrophilia?


...I'll spare you the rest.


Also um every conversation ever with Arylett, Zora or Sable.


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## Tailsy (Jun 3, 2011)

Uh. My mum gets really excited about having her own plot in the graveyard not far from my house? ("DON'T THINK YOU CAN JUST COME IN AND ENCROACH ON MY SPACE.")


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## Ryan the Terrible (Jun 3, 2011)

My friends and I got into a lunch conversation today about the physics errors in last year's cruddy Yogi Bear movie. (We were watching it before lunch because we were all exempt from most of our finals.) Then somehow that turned into a serious conversation about butts.


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## shadow_lugia (Jun 3, 2011)

I think that on the last day of school my Spanish teacher and I had a short conversation about how a matador in a magazine article kept on getting gored in the testicles.

My peers and I have also had many inappropriate sex-related conversations during school or school activities, with the latter usually in public places. A recent one involved us discussing booty calls in Cold Stone after a band competition, and another was two friends and I comparing boobs in geometry class.

Maybe kind of relevant, but I tend to ask very strange questions, although I try to keep them to myself sometimes. I also point out how two words sound like each other, which today resulted in me exclaiming "cucumbersome!"


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## Autumn (Jun 3, 2011)

The discussion I once had with my mom about whether or not she was possibly bisexual or transgender.

Oh and let's not forget the time a few days ago when my mom injected a joke about my bisexuality into what was otherwise a completely serious discussion.


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## The Omskivar (Jun 4, 2011)

I have so many weird conversations it's ridiculous.  They're so normal that I've forgotten the majority of them.

Most of them probably have something to do with my mitties, come to think of it.


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## shadow_lugia (Jun 5, 2011)

Okay so the marching band was in a parade today, but we were all waiting around for a bit for the parade to begin. So three friends and I sat together and discussed a wide variety of topics, ranging from condoms to pickles, mostly on condoms and the various non-sexual-but-still-condom-related situations we've found ourselves in.


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## Superbird (Jun 5, 2011)

Prob'ly that time in third grade when I argued with that girl about her race.

me: You're African-American!
her: No, I'm Black!
me: No, you're African-American!
her: No, I'm Black!
me: No, you're African-American!
her: No, I'm Black!
...


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## Phantom (Jun 5, 2011)

At Valleyfair (amusement park) we went during their Halloween celebration so it was pretty damn cold, (btw cold plus very fast very high roller coaster = epicness to no end) and we were waiting for a ride.  When we got to the front the girl watching the line asked how many we were. My friend held up a mittened hand, 3, and the woman scratches her head and says, "sorry I don't read mitten." we then began a guessing game to how many we were, including some people behind us we didn't know, much to the dismay of the entire line.


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## The Omskivar (Jun 5, 2011)

Mkay.  So I ordered a pizza today.  My idiot friends are making noise in the background and I can barely hear the lady so I shout "HEY!  I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE BASEMENT!"

To which the lady nervously laughs, nervously, and I continue my order.  At the end I say "Uh, one more thing.  On the box, I would like you to draw a koala playing a ukelele."

The great thing was the delivery guy actually drew the koala, complete ith ukelele.


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## Autumn (Jun 5, 2011)

the one i had last night with two guy friends about their masturbation habits, puberty, and other such topics
seeing as how we'd never had particularly intimate conversations about _anything_ before (hell, until last night i didn't consider either of them particularly close friends of mine), this one was rather odd. the funny thing is that all three of us were completely comfortable talking about all this to each other. it was great


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## Tarvos (Jun 6, 2011)

"I am too old to wear a corset, but if I was your girlfriend's age, I'd probably wear that kind of stuff!"

Thanks mum.


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## Typhonia (Jun 6, 2011)

The weirdest one I've ever had was when I was alone in the orchestra room in 6th grade with two boys while the rest of the group was setting up the stage for a concert. We started talking and then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, one of them asks us, "So who do you think has the biggest boobs in 6th grade?"


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## shadow_lugia (Jun 16, 2011)

Typhonia said:


> "So who do you think has the biggest boobs in 6th grade?"


My friends and I have had this conversation as well, except I don't know what grade it was in. There was a tie between a girl that was in the conversation and a goth girl that I don't really know.


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## Rose (Jun 16, 2011)

Typhonia said:


> "So who do you think has the biggest boobs in 6th grade?"


I think that is a popular topic for some reason, cause I have found myself in that situation too, a couple of times actually.


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## Aletheia (Jun 16, 2011)

*is lounging in Study Hall*
One of my friends: So... if you could fuck any girl in the whole school, who'd it be?


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## SquishierCobra (Jul 4, 2011)

There was this McDonald's commercial about apples on TV, and one of my friends asked someone if they'd like to marry a McDonald's apple.

Hilarity ensued, as the other guy got pissed.


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## Worst Username Ever (Jul 6, 2011)

Once, half my class in 8th or 9th grade started discussing the correct term for dog poop. "Dog crap", "dog poo", "dog feces" ect. I don't even remember the conversation that led up to that.


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## Cloudsong (Jul 6, 2011)

Me and a friend began talking about what would happen if squirrels were really ninjas in disguise, plotting to take over the world, and what we would do if we were the only people who knew about it. We decided we'd join them X3 The conversation also included vampirical unicorns, Machine guns that shot skittles, and evil marshmallows o.o Twas the most wonderful conversation I've ever had.


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## Eta Carinae (Jul 7, 2011)

On this year's band trip I was with my best friend Justin, and a few girls who are also my friends (well, except one).  Three of the girls were watching survivor, of which the rest of us knew nothing about.  Thus began a conversation about which contestants turned us on the most.  I got paired with some farmer guy with a freaky beard, because most people I know like to pretend I'm gay.


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## Cydnix (Jul 18, 2011)

Not wierd, just more like a MFW exchange of words



> Friend: if a guy says something wrong in the forest and no ones there to here it is he actually wrong
> 
> Me: Does he himself know what he's saying is wrong?
> 
> ...


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## Butterfree (Jul 19, 2011)

Most of my conversations with my best friend tend to have shades of this. We were the strangest children in the _world_, seriously.

Though the one the Icelandic IMO team 2008 had with the Norwegian team, where we discussed the recent polar bear invasion in Iceland in great detail and serious tones for more or less the entire dinner, was also pretty up there (and was probably my favorite part of that trip).


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## ultraviolet (Jul 19, 2011)

"is a butt divided?"

"... what do you mean?"

"I'm not sure if my english is correct here; is a butt 'divided' into like, two things?"

"I guess?"

"okay, cool."


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## The Omskivar (Jul 19, 2011)

My friend Chalon is easily the best person to text ever.  Here's why.  This is a conversation we had while he was in California.

Chalon "I just saved a hummingbird's life"
Me "Awe!  Tell me the epic tale!"
"I was at a restaurant and it flew into the window and fell to the sidewalk where lots of people were walking, so I picked it up and moved it into the shade and like five minutes later it recovered and flew off"
"You're a hero.  It was probably teh Hummingbird King and now all hummingbirds are eternally in your debt"
"They are, they've been following me and showering me with gifts since.  And it was actually the Queen"
"If you ever need an army now you have one"
"Too bad they can't return to Wisconsin"
"You saved her life, they will travel to the ends of the earth to aid you.  Anyway they're from Wisconsin, silly, they're on vacation"
"I think you're right, they do have an affinity for cheese and beer"
"All hummingbirds do"
"Noooo, some of them like gay stuff like flower nectar, all the native Californians do"
"Just the LA hummingbirds"
"In LA the hummingbirds are outcasts and live in small outposts throughout the city"
"What about Hollywood?"
"Hollywood, being an outcast of LA itself, is a paradise for the humingbirds of LA"
"I see.  How is the drug situation amongst them?"
"Well the LAPD is crackin down on their marijuana trade, but cocaine addiction still runs rampant"
"That's awful.  You mean the LAHBPD?"
"Nah, they're just a bunch of corrupt lawmen, the humans have had to interject to prevent the breakdown of hummingbird society"
"I see.  So it's a very good thing you saved teh Queen"
"Not really, the LA hummingbirds are rebels and opposed to teh monarchy.  They would prefer the San Diego aristocrats would stay out of their affairs, I see a revolution"
"You must prevent it!"
"No, I must spur it on, then the monarchy can crush the corruption once and for all"
"But who will be left?"
"Only the most honest and pure of citizens, me and the Royal Guard will essentially purge the kingdom"
"And build an empire?"
"Yup.  Which reminds me, I've been made Captain of the Royal Guard, so I will be in charge of the war against the rebellion"
"You have a ridiculous advantage"
"I think that was teh reason for my promotion to the highest rank upon my enlistment, I must still train however, the rebels are masters of guerilla warfare, where my size will prove littel advantage"
"What is your plan?"
"I'm arming my troops with short-medium range weaponry, as I expect the fights to be in close quarters, and they are all being trained in martial arts, in case teh situation calls for it.  I myself will be armed with a shovel and a sledgehammer and I'll be wearing steel full-plate armor."
"Won't that inhibit mobility?  You're going to need to be fast.  Full armor and a sledgehammer is really the opposite."
"Fast and efficient may be the tactic of choice for my smaller troops, but as for me, I need to stay protected, cuz no matter how fast or agile I am, if I'm being divebombed by thousands of enemies, I'd be screwed"
"use a faster weapon then.  Like...a large knife or a short sword."
"Slashing won't be an effective method, I need soemthing wide, heavy and blunt to smash them in large numbers out of the air"
"They'll be too fast for a hammer, what abotu a frying pan?"
"Perfect, a flat headed shovel and a frying pan"
"There you go.  One for precision, one for swinging in a swarm"
"Exactly, we march (well, I march, they fly) at dawn"
___________________________
Anyone who read that whole thing gets a cookie.


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## Zero Moment (Jul 19, 2011)

The Omskivar said:


> My friend Chalon is easily the best person to text ever.  Here's why.  This is a conversation we had while he was in California.
> 
> Chalon "I just saved a hummingbird's life"
> Me "Awe!  Tell me the epic tale!"
> ...


...Cookie? :D


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## Syssareth (Jul 22, 2011)

I tend to write down pretty much anything funny that happens, which of course includes weird conversations, so I have..._quite_ a big Word document.

Copy-pasting a few of the weirder ones, from up to four years ago:

(My mom and I had a conversation about the cobwebs in our house.) 
Mom: I like that one in the corner.
Me: Oh, I like that one too, but I prefer the one over there. Lovely 'Y' shape.
Mom: The one that comes down to the bottle on the curio? Yeah, I like that one too.

Friend: Hey...Willy Wonka said he was going to allow five children into his factory. What if one of the people who found the ticket wasn't a child?
Me: Yeah, what, would they have to give it away, or would they be allowed in anyway, or would they have to grab a random kid off the street to go in with?
(We never did figure out the answer.)

Friend: What sort of special power would you like that you don’t already have?
Me: I dunno. Maybe poison breath, capable of instantly K.O.ing anyone who breathes it.
Friend: …I hate to break it to ya, but I said _that you don’t already have. _
Me: … >_>

(We were passing a pharmacy drive-through window on our way into a grocery store. My mother knows the pharmacist, sort of.)
Mom: Ah, there's Roger, the pharmacist.
Me: He has a Mario mustache.
Mom: I'll have to tell him that. 'My daughter says you look like Mario.'
Me: Tell him I say he looks like Luigi. He's too thin to be Mario. Or, rather, tell him he looks like a cross between Luigi and the Soup Nazi, because he does.

(When I was little, I was really bad at telling peoples' genders when it wasn't glaringly obvious. Also, this is in reference to Haruhi from Ouran.)
Me: I would have loved to have had a friend like Haruhi growing up.
Friend: I am very, very glad you didn't.
Me: Why?
Friend: -imitates little kid’s voice- "Haru-chan, your mommy has a really deep voice."
Me: Alright, alright, I get it.

My friend and I were acting out the scenes in Suikoden 1 and 2 where Luc joins the party...with a few changes. I don't even remember why. My friend was Leknaat, I was everyone else.
Suikoden 1...
Leknaat: -Borat accent- I give you two gifts. First, this giant rock.
Everyone: Oh my god, a giant rock!
Leknaat: Has names on it. Is also magic. And also I give you this annoying slave boy.
Luc: [sounds like typical whiny kid] But I don’t wanna go!
Leknaat: Too bad.
Suikoden II…
Leknaat: Hello again. I once again give you two gifts. First, this giant rock.
Everyone: Oh my god, a giant rock!
Leknaat: Has names on it. Also, this annoying slave boy. Get out here, slave boy.
Luc: -'teleports' in- Why do you always pawn me off on every rebel army you see?
Leknaat: Is convenient. Also, maybe you will die someday and stop coming back like bad rash.


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## Zero Moment (Jul 22, 2011)

Ouran HSHC references?

You wiin.


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## Chief Zackrai (Jul 27, 2011)

Friend: "Oh my god! Your plaid shoes are _so awesome_!"

Me: "So what you're saying is, plaid shoes are awesome."

Friend: "Yes."

Me: "And I have plaid shoes, so I'm awesome?"

Friend: "I guess so."

Other friend: "Wait, how do we know this is true?"

Me: "Well, telling the truth is awesome. So are plaid shoes. Via the transitive property we have already derived that I am awesome, so therefore I must be telling the truth."

other Friend: "I see."

_wut._


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## Autumn (Jul 27, 2011)

Me: "My eyes are already blue."

BFF: "But are they blue like limpid tears!?"


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## Pig-serpent (Jul 28, 2011)

One time at school we were eating lunch and someone asked "what if your penis was on your nose?"  Then we had some huge conversation about that question.  The best part
"Would this be considered gay?" *licks his own nose*


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## Eagledawn (Aug 2, 2011)

My boyfriend and I were talking about how we wanted to own a yak when we get older and live together.


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## Flora (Aug 2, 2011)

> Me: I love hanging out with you guys.
> Jeanine: It's always greener on the grass.
> Me and Nique: ..._wut._
> Jeanine: I MEANT IT'S ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE! I was looking at the grass across the street and oh never mind...


I don't even. (yes, that is seriously how the conversation went.)


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## surskitty (Aug 2, 2011)

I still like that mum and I agree that Tinkerbell's in the mafia.


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## Tarvos (Aug 2, 2011)

> trying to understand celine dion lyrics to learn french is to try and have orgasms through kissing cheeks


i am trying to improve my french and this is how I described it


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## sv_01 (Aug 7, 2011)

Well, I am not sure if it's the weirdest, but it's a bit weird because we had both been recently woken up and didn't understand each other's meanings very well.

Time: 1 AM
Some additional info: My parents made their bed by themselves. There's a ladder on it and under the bed is something like a room with bookshelves in it.

Mother: *wakes up because of me climbing into the bed* Who is it?
Me: It's aunt.
(this sequence repeats once more until she understands me and realizes that I mean the phone)
Mother: Which aunt?
Me: Aunt [first name of aunt who is mother's sister], she's calling from grandma's phone, she says it's very important.

It turned out that my grandmother had some health problem, but that is not relevant to the conversation anymore.


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## Dragiiin123 (Aug 11, 2011)

me and my friends where discussing who would win in a fight, a porcupine or an eagle, and we walked pass 2 homeless men.
one homeless men said porcupine, who i was voting for, i shouted YES and the other homeless man called me white trash


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## Autumn (Aug 14, 2011)

"Yes, we'd make a good lesbian couple. Except for the fact that I'm straight."
":x"


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## Flora (Aug 14, 2011)

Jeanine and her parents brought over some food yesterday, and it managed to get pretty much everywhere. This (or something along these lines) was the result:



> Jeanine's mom: Make sure you don't get anything on the carpet, Jeanine!
> Me: *thinking* _We don't really have carpet except for -_
> Jeanine: They only have carpet in the den, Mom.
> Me: ...uuuuuuuuuuuum, I'm a little concerned that you know that...


Later that day, she pretty much proved that she knew practically the _entire layout of my house._ (and she thought it was weird that I knew her _address._)


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