# Bumbletrek



## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

You awake from a DEEP SLUMBER, with a KILLER HANGOVER. Your SOFA of GREAT QUALITY has served your slumbering purposes well, but it is time to leave it behind. You need to start your day with some PRODUCTIVITY.


It would appear that your basement room is FULL OF ARTSTYLE-VARYING CAPYBARAS, all appearing to be SHITTILY DRAWN. This is astounding to you because you do not recall having any pets, or living in any natural habitats for these rodents. A mystery is afoot.









God, but you are way too HUNGOVER to even think about your own damn name, let alone mysteries. You really need to find a way to reduce your current REGRET FLUID levels. Coffee usually sobers you up.





​


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## I liek Squirtles (Apr 29, 2019)

Leave the room


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

The only way out of this room is your LADDER.

A MULTICOLOURED CAPY-BEETLE is eyeing you suspiciously. There is also a puddle of not-yet-identified liquid.

You're really not sure if you're coordinated enough right now to climb it. Your VITALITY ORBULE already has been reduced signifigantly due to your REGRET FLUID levels. Are you sure you want to attempt the ascenscion?​


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## kyeugh (Apr 29, 2019)

attempt the goddamn ascension.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

Predictably, you fall on your ass.


Your YELLOW VITALITY ORBULE is completely depleted and your RED VITALITY ORBULE takes a signifigant hit. Brain trauma is no joke.


This puddle you landed in does smell oddly familiar, though.​


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## kyeugh (Apr 29, 2019)

lick it right off the ground like a starving animal.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

Never! You're desperate, but in all your life you would never even think of lapping mysterious liquids directly off the ground!

You have always scooped it up with an empty receptacle and draught it from such!

The MULTICOLORED CAPYBARA was scared off by your righteous attitude and also the huge splash you made.​


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## I liek Squirtles (Apr 29, 2019)

Attempt to identify the mysterious liquid.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

You would also never SNIFF a puddle.

You instead remove your SOAKED SHOE and equip your NOSTRIL NODE, as you do not actually possess a nose.






(Hey, what happened to the cracks on the walls?)


The puddle is COFFEE! Sure, it's cold and full of dirt, but this stuff is sure to sober you up.

You unequip your NOSTRIL NODE, because you also smell vomit, mainly because you probably produced it all last night, and that's gross.


This may be a good time to put one of those bottles to use. In your INVENTORY.

You're kind of surprised you haven't opened it yet.

​


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## I liek Squirtles (Apr 29, 2019)

Drink bottle with coffee in it


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 29, 2019)

You open your inventory. As you suspected, some of your INVENTORY SLOTS are blocked off due to your REGRET FLUID levels. Two whole INVENTORY TABS are also blocked off. Who would have guessed that being hungover sucked so much ass?

The bottle is empty, but you fill it up with the coffee and put it in your INVENTORY. 

You got the ABSINTHE BOTTLE OF SHITTY COFFEE.







As you drink the coffee, your REGRET CYLINDER drains a significant amount. You figure you're probably sober enough to climb the ladder now.







You regain some VITALITY from your reduced REGRET. You smash the ABSINTHE BOTTLE and EQUIP it, just in case you need to off yourself (or a capybara) at some point.​


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## sanderidge (Apr 30, 2019)

figure out where the capybaras went!!!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 30, 2019)

Aw HELL no. These goddamned capybaras are all up in your COMFY SOFA. You have half a mind to give them a piece of a half of your mind.

The STICKLEGGED CAPYBARA and MULTICOLORED CAPYBEETLE sniff you cautiously yet curiously.​


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## sanderidge (Apr 30, 2019)

appreciate the poster on the wall instead of dealing with the couchy capybaras


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## Trinket (Apr 30, 2019)

Appreciate the capybaras too!  Let them sit!!!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 30, 2019)

You appreciate your GENERIC ART POSTER. You've always loved this thing. Hence why you hung it up so you'd see it first thing in the morning.


Huh. You know, maybe it's the hangover talking, but you feel like your perception of the world has been kinda skewed and even sorta sloppy lately, for the 10 minutes you can remember. You resolve to enjoy your life more and not have to change yourself every 5 seconds.








You received an ART UPGRADE! No longer will your head vastly shrink or grow in size as you are drawn in shitty positions. You'll be you, no matter the situation.


Speaking of you, the STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA is proud of you for your perceptive advancements, and has taken quite a shining to you. The MULTICOLORED CAPYBEETLE is unimpressed.


Seems like the STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA is following you around now. You appreciate him (her?) , and he (she?) appreciates you. 


You should probably name it after your stupid ass is able to remember your own name, let alone the name of a rodent you fell in love with.


​


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## I liek Squirtles (Apr 30, 2019)

Remember your name!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 30, 2019)

You give it the ol' college try, but it seems you still can't. You're still not SOBER enough.

What's worse, all the FLOOR COFFEE has soaked into the ground. You'll have to get a fresh cup of joe to get yourself back up in tip-top shape.​


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## sanderidge (Apr 30, 2019)

hunt down Fresh Coffee!!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Apr 30, 2019)

You grab the other BOTTLE, just for the hell of it. You yank the TUBE off the ceiling because there's no way your noggin was fititng through that.

You ascend the ladder, in search of some FRESH JOE. The STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA undergoes some self-reflection and manifests itself in a manner more reflective of a party member. 









It seems something knocked over your COFFEEPOT. _That's_ why all the coffee puddled in your basement. The STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA follows you upstairs.








You quickly whip up a hot pot of FRESH COFFEE. (After grabbing a mug, you're still not a savage) you pour yourself a mug and chug heartily. Your REGRET CYLINDER drains entirely!​


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## Stryke (Apr 30, 2019)

Check inventory and see what's no longer blocked off


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## I liek Squirtles (Apr 30, 2019)

Try remembering your name now!


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## kyeugh (Apr 30, 2019)

pour hot coffee down your back and shriek like a cretin.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 1, 2019)

Nuh uh. This coffee is too good to spare even a drop of. Nonetheless, you shriek like a cretin, just for the hell of it.


As you suspected, your INVENTORY allows you to hold 16 items, not 12, when sober. In addition, your PERSONAGE INTERFACE and LUMP CRATE have opened up.


Your name? That's an easy one; it's Jimmy Larkon.


Huh. You should maybe check out that noise coming from your EXPANSIVE MUDROOM, that's probably the motherfucker who spilled your coffee.​


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## kyeugh (May 1, 2019)

check out the noise coming from your EXPANSIVE MUDROOM.


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## Eifie (May 1, 2019)

uh, no. first we must test the waters

hurl the capybara HEADFIRST into the EXPANSIVE MUDROOM


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## kyeugh (May 1, 2019)

Eifie said:


> uh, no. first we must test the waters
> 
> hurl the capybara HEADFIRST into the EXPANSIVE MUDROOM


i rescind my suggestion. this is a much better and safer plan.


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## sanderidge (May 1, 2019)

what! that capybara is your friend, you can't do that! hurl YOURSELF headfirst (but holding the capybara, a friend) into the EXPANSIVE MUDROOM


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 1, 2019)

Capybaras are pretty heavy, at least for you, considering you haven't hit the gym in a few months. 


You pass by the LUMP BLENDER on your way to the mudroom. This probably has no signifigance whatsoever.


Nonetheless, it seems as if the STICK-LEGGED CAPY was going to follow you into the room anyways. You smash your other BOTTLE in anticipation of some sort of FRACAS. You equip it. 









Oh, shit. A MONSTROUS CAPYBARA is here, being a general disturbance and kinda fucking up your decor.

Something also tells you this thing is hostile. Maybe the fact that it's staring at you and drooling.






​


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## Eifie (May 1, 2019)

get out of there and hit the gym you fool


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## sanderidge (May 2, 2019)

distract the MONSTROUS CAPYBARA with your LUMP BLENDER while you and STICK-LEGGED CAPY run away to the gym


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 2, 2019)

You get ready to make a break for it, to the gym to PUMP IRON.

A CRABBISH BULLISH FIENDISH CAPYCHIMERA sneaks up and locks the door.








You're really sick and tired of these mischievous rodents. At least the ones that aren't taking hits for you. 








Speaking of which, while you were both distracted by the sound of the door locking, the MONSTROUS CAPYBARA chomped down on STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA.


You guess that's just another weird nature fact, because you have no idea of knowing whether capybaras are cannibalistic or not.​


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## Novae (May 2, 2019)

charge straight at the monstrous capybara while yelling a war cry and swinging your broken bottle above your head.


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## Eifie (May 2, 2019)

Chemist1422 said:


> charge straight at the monstrous capybara while yelling a war cry and swinging your broken bottle above your head.


the war cry is "_FOR THE STICK-LEGGED CAPYBARA THAT I NEVER GOT TO NAME_"


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 2, 2019)

STICK-LEGGED CAPY is still alive, but whatever. You leap up and do a DOWNWARD SHANK TECHNIQUE on the MONSTROUS CAPYBARA. STICK-LEGGED CAPY does a FRONT-LEG ANKLE BITE.











That was your CURRENTLY MOST ADVANCED SHANK TECH, and this hearty son of a bitch is still standing. 


What now, smart guy?​


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## Eifie (May 2, 2019)




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## sanderidge (May 2, 2019)

pick up STICK-LEGGED CAPY and VAULT over the MONSTROUS CAPYBARA so you can escape behind it while it tries to turn around


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 2, 2019)

The CAPY is still too heavy for you. Your BEEF stat is still way too low. 


However... VAULT... over...









You LEAP over the MONSTROUS CAPYBARA.



While you're leaping, you drop your entire LUMP CRATE.












The MONSTROUS CAPYBARA is slain.


You reap the rewards.










JL GAINED A LEVEL!

BEEF +10
BUSTLE +20
BRAINS + 2


JL GAINED A NEW SHANKTECH: EYE STAB


JL GAINED A NEW CRATE TECH: CRATE LAUNCH


STICK-LEGGED CAPY GAINED A LEVEL!


FLUFF  + 5
FIGHT + 7
FLIGHT +1




STICK-LEGGED CAPY GAINED A NEW GNAW GRADE: CHOMP CHUMP



STICK-LEGGED CAPY AND JL GAINED A WAVELENGTH LEVEL!

FAMILIAR ABILITY UNLOCKED: CAPY TOSS



STICK-LEGGED CAPY CAN NOW BE NAMED!
STICK LEGGED CAPY CAN NOW COMMUNICATE EMOTIONS!


MONSTROUS CAPYBARA DROPPED: MUDROOM KEYS

MONSTROUS CAPYBARA DROPPED: LARGE SNOUT

​


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## Eifie (May 2, 2019)

name the capybara Barfie!!!

nope sorry not accepting other names


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## kyeugh (May 2, 2019)

fling the stupid fucker at the wall like a dart.


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## Novae (May 2, 2019)

take my keys


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## Eifie (May 2, 2019)

qva said:


> fling the stupid fucker at the wall like a dart.


uhhhh did you just call Barfie a stupid fucker


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## kyeugh (May 2, 2019)

Eifie said:


> uhhhh did you just call Barfie a stupid fucker


of course not!  the capybara isn't officially called barfie yet.  or maybe, if schrödinger is to be believed, it's both barfie and a wall stain simultaneously?  man, my head hurts.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 2, 2019)

You pick up the RING OF KEYS and the MONSTROUS SNOUT simultaneously. It would appear that your LUMP CRATE has been blocked out because you removed it to kill your foe with; in addition, a RELATIONSHIP REPOSITORY has appeared, pushing your TAB COUNT up to 4. 









You consider naming your capybara pal BARFIE but the CAPYBARA expressed it did not like this name.


You named it CAPY BARFA (CB) instead.










You consider testing out your CAPY TOSS ability on the wall, but your BEEF stat is still way too low to lift an animal almost the same size as you without any TENSION.


So you just kinda halfheartedly manhandle CAPY BARFA instead. He expresses worry.​


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## Eifie (May 2, 2019)

I love it


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## I liek Squirtles (May 2, 2019)

Reaquire LUMP CRATE


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

You cram the LUMP CRATE back into your LUMP CRATE TAB. 



Huh. You know, if you didn't know any better, you'd swear there's a few more LUMPS in here than you remember there being last night. In the manner that there is MORE THAN 0 LUMPS IN IT AT CURRENT TIME.
​


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## Stryke (May 3, 2019)

Investigate LUMPS


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

You open up your LUMP CRATE.


Seems as if you got some lumps from various sources in your DRUNKEN STUPOR, probably by JAMMING SHIT IN YOUR LUMP BLENDER like always.


You really should put some sort of breathalyzer on that thing. That's the third time you've had to go to the hardware store this month.​


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## kyeugh (May 3, 2019)

tape capy barfa to the hammer and use him to swiff the puddle.


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## I liek Squirtles (May 3, 2019)

Drink the blood


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## kyeugh (May 3, 2019)

i have been informed the hammer no longer exists.  we'll have to just use capy barfa as a live, squirming rag.


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## Cynder (May 3, 2019)

apply mossy lump to CB


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

It is of no use. CB is already rolling around in the blood of his own free will.














You rub him with the mossy lump, just to make sure he gets behind the ears.​


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## kyeugh (May 3, 2019)

disgusting.  get cb out of this mess and take him to the bathtub immediately.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

Ah, yes, a great idea. CB must be in tip-top shape at all times!











Your cranium impacts wood.

This door is still locked.​


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## kyeugh (May 3, 2019)

use the keys you bumbling buffoon.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

Okay, you start rubbing CB with the keys.​


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## kyeugh (May 3, 2019)

prepare a three part instructional program, specifically oriented at capybaras, regarding the unlocking of traditional door locks using a standard set of keys.


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## Novae (May 3, 2019)

tell the mod to stop fooling around and let us use the keys to unlock the door like a normal person.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

I'm sorry, I don't know how to prepare a three part instructional program, specifically oriented at capybaras, regarding the unlocking of traditional door locks using a standard set of keys.​


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

You USE the KEYS on the DOOR.



You are in the kitchen.​


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## Novae (May 3, 2019)

Wash CB off in the sink, as we do not have immediate access to a bathtub.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 3, 2019)

You grab the SINK HOSE and spray CAPY BARFA.



He expresses AUGH FUCK.​


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## sanderidge (May 3, 2019)

give CB a hug to make up for the ABRUPT CLEANSING


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 4, 2019)

You give him a hug.



You catch CAPY RABIES. It is a lethal form of rabies whose cure is shrouded in mystery.​


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

this is fine

die alongside CAPY BARFA


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## Novae (May 4, 2019)

do not give up

find the computer room and look up capy rabies


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## Stryke (May 4, 2019)

Manually PURGE the CAPY RABIES from your immune system via the force of SHEER WILLPOWER


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## kyeugh (May 4, 2019)

suck the rabies out of your pores like snake venom


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 4, 2019)

Your BEEF STAT is not high enough to do ANY OF THOSE CURES.












You check your COMPUTER in your LIVING ROOM.



Shit. The INTERNET is down.












You consult your bookshelf. You do not find a book on CAPY RABIES, but you do find a SELF-HELP BOOK you really want to read.


You add it to your inventory.​


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

Eifie said:


> this is fine
> 
> die alongside CAPY BARFA


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## Novae (May 4, 2019)

panic


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 4, 2019)

Now is no time to panic! You're already feeling stressed out!


You don't even want to LOOK at your TENSION METER. It'd just stress you out more!



You really need a way to calm down!​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 4, 2019)

Fondly reminisce about the capybaras


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## Butterfree (May 4, 2019)

Read that SELF-HELP BOOK


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

pet CAPY BARFA until stress has reduced to reasonable levels!


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 4, 2019)

You walk back to your kitchen and open up your SELF-HELP BOOK. Hopefully this will help you calm down.


You really don't think inhaling more PATHOGENS is a good idea. And thinking about CAPYS will probably speed the infection along.


You flip to a random page and start reading.











This is hard to read, but you can just barely make it out. Your STRESS reduces a good bit.​


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

might I recommend this self-help advice:


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

it really is that easy to quell your fears, JL!


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## sanderidge (May 4, 2019)

Eifie said:


> it really is that easy to quell your fears, JL!


agreed!! do a happy dance!


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 4, 2019)

You do a DANCE.



The exercise increased your INFECTION GAUGE by 20%.


JL will die if it reaches 100%.




Congratulations!​


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## Eifie (May 4, 2019)

cute! do it again!


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY.










JL is slain.

 <------ GO BACK​


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)




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## Novae (May 5, 2019)

how about let’s become a ghost instead


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

Good idea! You decide to wait for a while, to see if you become a ghost naturally.









<----- GO BACK​


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

uhhh... what's in our inventory again...?


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

(Type "Info: [inventory, matrixnumber of item]" for more info)


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

the fuck is half that shit


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

:(

there is a list of something and a silver nose? I know the rest!


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

read the paper!


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

oh, the silver thing is a nostril node! cool, I was right about it being a nose.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You forgot how much of an asshole you are when you're just about to get drunk.​


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

Nice, if that monster snout thing counts then we have everything else we need in the lump crate :O to the kitchen!


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You are already in the kitchen!


In addition, your LUMP OVEN only accepts pure lumps, not parts! You'll have to figure out some way to convert your SNOUT to LUMPS.​


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

Oops.

I don't remember what happened to the hammer...

Put the snout in the blender and blend it into lumps?


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You JAM the MONSTROUS SNOUT into the LUMP BLENDER. 










The SNOUT BLENDS into LUMPS.










ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: HAMFISTED BLENDING TUTORIAL​


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## Eifie (May 5, 2019)

Follow the recipe using the capy lump!


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You jam the LUMPS into the oven as dictated by your SOBER NOTE.



You hit a button on the oven, combining the lumps together. 


This may take a while. Why don't I tell you about lumps while we wait?


A lump is an energetic, matter-dense... well, lump, which can be harnessed to create different things. When something is broken down into lumps, it's taken down to its basic components, to be used to make something else. 


It's a magical world you live in. By the way, your CAPY RABIES VACCINE is ready now.




ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: HAMFISTED ITEMCRAFTING TUTORIAL​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 5, 2019)

Jam CAPY RABIES VACCINE into appropriate orifice or vein


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

You jam the VACCINE in your leg. Your CAPY RABIES is cured, and you are hereafter immune to its effects. You turn to leave.


...









Then you remember... that MONSTROUS CAPY was no slouch, and he had a buddy, too, that FIENDISH WHATCHAMACALLIT. Its FIENDISH ANCESTRY probably makes it an EVEN HEARTIER SON OF A BITCH, and you don't think he'll fall to your CRATE... the MONSTROUS CAPY only fell due to its low BUSTLE STAT. In addition, if those two monsters are around, it's safe to assume other monsters will be rampant, with FRACASES GALORE.


You might want to BLEND some stuff. You look at your LUMP DISHWASHER. You use this to make weapons.


The same combination of LUMPS yields different PRODUCTS from different LUMP MACHINES. The LUMP OVEN is usually used for consumable items, while the LUMP DISHWASHER is used for armaments. Other LUMP MACHINES exist, but you do not have easy access.


You can make some really interesting stuff with the right combination of LUMPS; however, after crafting something with lumps, if you blend it, you CANNOT USE THOSE LUMPS IN THAT MACHINE AGAIN. If you were to make a hammer in your LUMP DISHWASHER, and you BLENDED it, you would not be able to use the resulting LUMPS in the LUMP DISHWASHER; only in OTHER LUMP MACHINES. 

Think hard about what you choose to LUMPSMITH.​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 5, 2019)

Search the kitchen to see if there are any lump recipe books.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

All that you really keep in your kitchen is food, but you quickly step over to your BOOKSHELF and find a few OWNERS' MANUALS. Only problem is that each one only really has two pages in English, but it's better than nothing.










You also GATHER UP SOME SHIT YOU REALLY DON'T NEED OR WANT which you may use to BLEND.








Namely, a BOOTLEG GAME CART, a CHAIR, a MECHANICAL DUCK, a LAMP, and a BOWL OF SOMETHING ROTTEN.
​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 5, 2019)

Put the rotten thing in the blender to get some lumps


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 5, 2019)

​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Put the smashing, metal, and wood lumps in the oven, and bake til toasty


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

1x METAL LUMP
1x WOOD LUMP
1x SMASHING LUMP


You made: WIMPY HAMMER-TYPE WARD


When deployed, this creates a field which increases the damage of your HAMMERS and decreases the damage of others' HAMMERS.​


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## Stryke (May 6, 2019)

Blend all the owners manuals


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

You read over them a few times to memorize them and toss them in the blender.







It looks like blending multiples of the same thing at once has a chance to net you some BONUS LUMPS.


So _that's_ how you found enough NOSTRIL LUMPS to make your NOSTRIL NODE.​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Ovenize metal+steel+cold lumps.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

You have no STEEL LUMPS.



METAL LUMP x1 +
COLD LUMP x1 =
COLD CHUNK OF METAL



It would also appear that not all combinations of lumps are useful. 


You RE-BLEND the COLD CHUNK OF METAL, recieving OVEN-DEPLETED COLD and METAL LUMPS x1​


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## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

can we hit the gym yet


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Search for lump dishwasher, if available


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

Ah, yes, the GYM. You head out to your FOYER, to try and leave the front door.






There is a TECHNICOLOR LUMP CYCLOPS here.


You run back inside and close the door.








You have been standing to the left of your LUMP DISHWASHER this whole time.​


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Dishwash cold, metal, and wooden lumps in it.


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

OVEN-DEPLETED COLD LUMP x1
OVEN-DEPLETED METAL LUMP x1
WOODEN LUMP x1








This weapon does a bit of both SMASHING and CLUBBING DAMAGE. In addition, it can shoot COLD BURSTS every once in a while, plus does some COLD DAMAGE on a hit. It's not as big as a regular staff, but it's still a good self-defense weapon. It is a two-handed weapon.
​


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## Cynder (May 6, 2019)

equip staff


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Oh this is dope
Equip that bad boy and smack some sense into the lump goblin


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

You equip your staff and get ready to KICK SOME MAJOR ASS. 








You are now this guy.​


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## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

wat


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

You are Ralph Tonsan. You're very self-conscious about your HEIGHT, but you don't let it get to you very often. You occasionally get into arguments with your NEIGHBORS, but in general you sort of keep to yourself and enjoy FILMS AND SUCH. You just woke up from apparently falling asleep in your broom closet, and you cannot fathom what happened to cause that.


You're a bit worried about all of this.



(Preface commands for Jimmy with JL: and commands for Ralph with RT: .

eg. JL: Pet Capybara or RT: Break Desk)​


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## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

JL: Pet CB
RT: Pet CB


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## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

JL: Swing at goblin cyclops
RT: Take all the popcorn and inspect lump crate, if possesed


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## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

JL:Pet CB / Swing at Cyclops
(Editor's note: You don't have to command for both at once, by the by.)

No time for that now. You have to be ready to fight this tough customer.


You take a few hearty swings at the CYCLOPS.
















RT: Pet CB / Take all the popcorn and inspect lump crate

You don't know anyone named CB. In addition, all that popcorn is surely STALE by now. Disgusting.







You love LUMPSMITHING. You usually keep the rest of your LUMPS in your LUMP VAULT so you can organize them- it's with all your LUMPSMITH APPLIANCES.
​


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## kyeugh (May 6, 2019)

JL: throw capy barfa at the cyclops's eye.


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

JL: throw capy barfa at the cyclops's eye.








JL is unconscious!​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

RT: Take popcorn for later blending and go to LUMP VAULT


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

RT: Take popcorn for later blending and go to LUMP VAULT









You gaffle your STALE POPCORN and head over to LUMP CORNER ALPHA.

Your LUMP VAULT connects to your TIER 3 LUMP OVEN AND DISHWASHER, as well as your OTHER LUMP CONTRAPTIONS. It has a TIER 2 BLENDER NODE which automatically blends items and puts them into the LUMP VAULT for storage and organization. All you have to do is type in which lumps go to what machine, and the lumps will be piped to that machine and automatically SMITHED! You have to go and pick up the output, though.​


----------



## Stryke (May 6, 2019)

JL: wake up


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

RT is already my favorite because LUMP CORNER ALPHA type setups are one of my favorite things

blend all the popcorn


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

JL: Wake up.








He's really down for the count!



RT:blend all the popcorn







The lumps were automatically added to the LUMP VAULT. The display describes CORN LUMPS, MILK LUMPS and SODIUM CHLORIDE LUMPS.​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 6, 2019)

Ovenize the corn and milk lumps, hoping to get some cereal bars or something


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

RT: Ovenize the corn and milk lumps









You punch in the COMMAND on the LUMP VAULT and walk over to the OVEN.


You got a FISTFUL OF CREAMED CORN.


You add it to your inventory, I guess.​


----------



## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

RNP suggests that I check my inventory


----------



## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

find an animal to drop in an abyss


----------



## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

get hammered


----------



## Eifie (May 6, 2019)

get hammered (tool)


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 6, 2019)

RT: Check Inventory (and nothing else)







You check your inventory. Oh god why the fuck do you have all these SHARDS OF GLASS.


You also have a few MISCELLANEOUS UPGRADE CARTRIDGES and your GUN.
​


----------



## Novae (May 7, 2019)

upgrade gun with RPG powers


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

RT: upgrade gun with RPG powers







Seems like these don't fit the GUN. They're probably for something, y'know, electronic.​


----------



## Eifie (May 7, 2019)

Upgrade the blender?


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

RT: Upgrade the blender









Great idea! You put the CARTRIDGE in the blender!


It is blended into lumps.


HIGH QUALITY LUMP x1
ELECTRIC LUMP x2
ELECTRONIC LUMP x3
DATA LUMP x5​


----------



## Eifie (May 7, 2019)

nice! put them all in the oven


----------



## kyeugh (May 7, 2019)

dishwash all the glass lumps.


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

RT: Put them all in the oven / Dishwash all the glass lumps

You're saving your glass lumps for something special. Unless you're talking about the GLASS SHARDS, in which case, you blend those and add them to your LUMP VAULT.



You put all the LUMPS from the UPGRADE CARTRIDGE in the OVEN.


Surprise surprise, you just get the upgrade back. 







HIGH QUALITY LUMP x1
ELECTRIC LUMP x2
ELECTRONIC LUMP x3
DATA LUMP x5 

=

UPGRADE CARTRIDGE



Maybe try putting it in something that actually has, I dunno, VISIBLE SLOTS for that sort of thing.​


----------



## Eifie (May 7, 2019)

upgrade the blender!


----------



## kyeugh (May 7, 2019)

oh, yeah, i meant the glass shards.  blend those up and then use as many glass lumps from that as you can to craft a weapon in the dishwasher.


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

RT: Use glass lumps / upgrade blender
No! You're saving the glass for a special project! You've almost got- wait, now you have enough.

You send the appropriate lumps over to your LUMP PRINTER for the project to be completed.










You're not stupid, so you put your RECONSTRUCTED UPGRADE into the LUMP VAULT.


Seems you have a choice - gain the ability to create and link a LUMP CANNON to your VAULT, or the ability to create a LUMP RECIPE INDEX?


Either way, your LUMP VAULT is also WIRELESS now, and further upgrades can make use of that fact.​


----------



## Cynder (May 7, 2019)

RT: put NaCl lumps in the blender

(also:Lump Cannon! Lump Cannon!)


Side Note:
CB: Valiantly revive JL


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

CB: Valiantly revive JL









CB is FAR TOO BUSY chewing on JL's quarterstaff.



RT: Blend NaCl lumps /Lump Cannon


Your LUMP BLENDER is not advanced enough! It is merely TIER 2. You have a TIER 3 blender somewhere, but you're pretty sure it's in some other LUMP CORNER.

Though, maybe this upgrade will finally let you put your TIER 3 LUMP BLENDER onto your LUMP VAULT's BLENDER NODE.



You can now create a LUMP CANNON! This contraption fires LUMPS from your VAULT to do MASSIVE DAMAGE BASED ON THE LUMP TYPE AND AMOUNT.












If only you knew the RECIPE.​


----------



## sanderidge (May 7, 2019)

cb: chew on jl's hair instead


----------



## Stryke (May 7, 2019)

What is RT's proximity to JL


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

CB: Chew on JL's hair instead.








Nah. He's pretty high up there.

Plus this stick tastes minty fresh.



RT: ==>

Well, no use standing around idly tossing lumps about. You've got some stuff to do today. You've got your PROJECT laying about in LUMP CORNER BETA. Also, you have to call your NEIGHBOR at some point today to see if he needs your old TIER 2 BLENDER, because you're a nice guy.

You stick your other UPGRADE CARTRIDGE in your LUMP CRATE. Now your LUMP CRATE is basically a wireless terminal for your VAULT.


It also has free wi-fi and cell service in quite a considerable radius, which is good because those seem to have stopped working for some reason.


You stop to grab your CELL PHONE on your way to LUMP CORNER BETA.  You decide to call up your neighbor while walking.



JL: ==>







You wake up with a splitting headache. Your SMART WATCH, which you would have noticed had you looked at your PERSONAGE INTERFACE, is ringing.​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 7, 2019)

JL: answer smart watch
RT: listen intently


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 7, 2019)

JL: Answer phone call / RT: Listen intently










Spoiler: convo



JL: hello?
RT: Hello, neighbor!
JL: oh hey ralph
JL: how's the lumps goin
RT: good! really good, you know that project i told you about?
JL: the thing you borrowed all my glassware for?
RT: Yep! I just sent it to my printer!
JL: i dont have one of those, what are they used for?
RT: weapons of mass destruction!
JL:...ah. so you've made a literal-
RT: -glass cannon, yes. which also fires huge balls of glass!
JL: is this the same as that lump cannon you were speaking of
RT: nope!
JL: cool, cool. so why'd you call?
RT: I finally installed that upgrade! so now you can have my T2 blender!
JL: oh dope
RT: yeah! you'll probably have to upgrade some of your stuff for advanced lumps, but it'll be worth it!
JL: hooray
RT: So what's up? You sound busy.
JL: i'm in the wall. got flung there by a monstie. 
RT: you have monsters in your house? why would you allow that
JL: i just woke up from a hangover and motherfuckers were all over my shit
JL: also a lot of capybaras
RT: i can come over and help you if you want! i know you told me that your hammers and knives kept disappearing
JL: i would appreciate that ralph


----------



## Cynder (May 7, 2019)

RT: equip glass cannon before venturing next door


----------



## Eifie (May 8, 2019)

idrk what's going on rn

JL: get out of the damn wall and pet CAPY BARFA


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 8, 2019)

JL: Get out of the wall.






Nahhh, you think you'll wait here. That thing seems uninterested in CAPY BARFA, and you're pretty hurt. It can't reach you up here, see?

Plus you're kinda wedged.



RT: Get GLASS CANNON and help JL
You go upstairs to LUMP CORNER BETA and find your GLASS CANNON all ready to be taken.






Sorta looks like a capybara now that you look at it in person.

Hm. Though you should probably put on some ARMOR and go find your WEAPONS. You usually keep them in your ROOM on the SECOND FLOOR.

Though, eh, you may wanna change it up a little, make some new stuff. Depends on how you're feeling.​


----------



## Cynder (May 8, 2019)

what's with the birdcage?


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 8, 2019)

RT: Investigate birdcage









Ahh, yes, your LUMP TERRARIUM. This thing is used to CREATE and UPGRADE PETS AND FAMILIARS.


But you fucking hate animals. You just have it here to bolster your LUMP APPLIANCE COLLECTION.


Next to it is the LUMP WASHING MACHINE. That's used to make your ARMOR and CLOTHES. You're sort of a fashionista. If only your clothing appeared in the artstyle.

And your LUMP PRINTER is used for making DEPLOYABLES like the GLASS CANNON, and TURRETS, and AUTO HEALERS and shit. You're fond of making robots with it. You're terrible at it, but fond nonetheless.​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 8, 2019)

Go get suited up!!


----------



## Eifie (May 9, 2019)

wow! CAPY BARFA can be upgraded!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 9, 2019)

RT: Suit up.

You grab the GLASS CANNON and proceed.










Spoiler: convo



RT: So what're we dealing with here?
JL: big bad duder made outta lumps, nasty



You enter your ROOM. There's your AIR MATTRESS, you like it better than one with springs.


You see your ARMOIRE and your GUNSAFE. You are quite fond of CRAFTING and SHOOTING GUNS. Not, like, redneck gun-owner, think that one guy who liked guns and came up with ballistic tracking. Your modus operandi involves using rifles, pistols, revolvers, shotguns, the like. As long as it SHOOTS REAL GOOD.

You have quite a few guns, too many to list, so you just decide to take your MOSSY RIFLE. Its bullets grow moss on the enemy which drains its energy and siphons it to you.

Somehow. 

Armor is an entirely different matter. You like to make many different kinds of armor, but based on JL's description, you should probably take your SMASH RESISTANT armor - it's highly likely a giant cyclops thing would use that DAMAGE TYPE.

You'll get dressed later. You  want to have a super badass reveal  don't like moving around with your armor on, it can be a bit heavy when not INVENTORIED.


​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 10, 2019)

Go smash some face with mossy gun


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 11, 2019)

RT: Go smash some face with mossy gun
 Hold it. You hear... something.

 Better be real careful. 

You hide behind a corner and start quietly humming the mission impossble theme. 







Hmmm... sounds like...

YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.







A RAMPANT CRABBOY. Just as you thought.






​


----------



## Eifie (May 11, 2019)

smack it with your gun!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 12, 2019)

RT: Smack it with your gun.

You do not have the SMACK action! Your current ATTACK ACTION is SHOOT.


So you do that instead.









You take a potshot with your MOSSY GUN.





































Cool. You turned him to ash.


You gain no levels. Stronger monsters must be fought to gain any EXPERIENCE.


Even though you're pretty sure that guy was pretty damn strong. Well, you've been HUNTING COLOSSAL GAME for a while.

Monsters usually don't exist, though. Hm. You totally thought JL was joking about that.

The monster dropped a CRABBOY HAT.​


----------



## Novae (May 12, 2019)

take the hat and put it on. we need to look _stylish_ for this fight.


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 12, 2019)

RT: Don Ye Hat







What? You're not gonna see it before the battle. Gotta save them reveals, see. 


Speaking of you should really make sure your neighbor doesn't die, he still owes you like $20.​


----------



## Novae (May 12, 2019)

alright let's probably go fight the thing I guess


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 12, 2019)

RT: SUPER SHOOTOUT: HIGH NOON

You decide to get on with it and finally get your pal out of danger.


































Spoiler: convo




RT: Pack 'em, bag 'em.



CYCLOPS dropped a MEGALUMP EYE.
​


----------



## Eifie (May 12, 2019)

pick up the eye!

did we gain any experience or was this dude not strong either


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 13, 2019)

RT: Get eye









Spoiler: convo



RT: yoink











Spoiler: convo



RT: is this thing yours?
JL: yeah his name is capybarfa
 RT: interesting name











Spoiler: convo



RT: Let me get you down from there, pal.













Spoiler: convo



RT: That guy was pretty tough. I actually got a little bit of experience from 'em.
JL: so uhhhhhhh thanks i guess.
RT: Come outside. I need to show you something.




RT leaves the foyer to go outside with the eye.​


----------



## Eifie (May 13, 2019)

CB: follow!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 16, 2019)

CB: Follow RT.


CB, and therefore, JL, following him, leave the house.








This is not the neighborhood you usually live in.







You are now this gal.
​


----------



## Stryke (May 16, 2019)

wat is name


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 16, 2019)

Enter name.










Your name is CHARI EDWARD. You changed your name from CHARLOTTE because it WASN'T FANCY ENOUGH. You quite enjoy COLLECTIONS of VARIOUS OBJECTS, and tend to have a HUMOROUS SIDE. Your basic form of self-defense and the like regards flails, nunchaku, yo-yos, bolas- basically any weapon with some sort of rope or chain in it.




There are some rocks on the floor, in a LOOSE PILE. Your HILARIOUS FLAIL which belonged to a CLOWN is on the wall. Your PENGUIN SNO CONE MACHINE has a pile of shaved ice in front of it, and you have a TALL BOTTLE in the corner.​


----------



## I liek Squirtles (May 16, 2019)

inspect inventory


----------



## Stryke (May 16, 2019)

Remember why you have such a tall bottle


----------



## Panini (May 16, 2019)

Hold Sno Cone Machine lovingly

Check if you own appliances


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 19, 2019)

CE: Do a bunch of stuff the author doesn't want to type out







Lessee... you have some BASIC NUNCHAKU/NUNCHUCKS, about a hundred EMPTY PAPER CONES, a CONFUSING SPHEROIDISH THINGY, a NOTE, and some TANGLED HALF-DECAPITATED EARBUDS.


Yeah, you have appliances. For washing clothes, dishes, making food, making smoothies, etc. Don't seem all that notable.


Ah... the TALL BOTTLE you use for your SNO CONE SYRUP. It's that tall to prevent all the flavor from escaping.







You waltz over and look at your PENGUIN SNO-CONE MACHINE. It's got quite a pile of shaved ice in front of it. 


You'd give it a hug, but you're pretty sure that'd just make it flip the fuck out and spray ice all over the place again. It's really touchy.


​


----------



## Eifie (May 19, 2019)

Read the note!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 19, 2019)

CE: Read NOTE


----------



## Novae (May 19, 2019)

get our wallet and head to the grocery


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 19, 2019)

CE: Get wallet and head to grocery store.


You already have your wallet EQUIPPED!


You step outside. There were some weird creature things in your house but you gave them some sno-cones and they got pretty distracted. And then you killed them with your NUNCHAKU.



Spoiler: large












Huh. Guess the city must be doing construction.

You see two of the eggheads you live next to jabbering over there. Wonder what they're talking about.



Spoiler:  JL/RT convo



JL: What the hell happened?

RT: I don't know. But I do know that there used to be quite a large suburban area, and then a city, and then a lake here. And none of them are here now.

JL: I'm betting that has something to do with all the monsters.


​


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 24, 2019)

JL, RT, CE: ==>









Spoiler: convo



CE: 'Sup, guys? How about all these changes, huh? Guess they're doing some serious construction work.

JL: I'm gonna let that moment of ineptitude slide and ask how the hell you got here without even making a LUMP WEAPON.

RT: Yes, how did you manage that? JL struggled for a while, and he had a weapon with elemental qualities. Despite the _questionable_ quality...


CE: Well, I just clobbered 'em while they were distracted. Have... have you guys been keeping your beef stats high? It's, like, always the most important one.

RT: No. Just... no. I refuse to believe you killed every monster around just with a pair of nunchucks.

CE: Why? Because I'm a girl?













Spoiler: convo



JL: No, mostly because one's right behind you.




​


----------



## Novae (May 24, 2019)

ENGAGE FRACAS!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 25, 2019)

JL, RT, CE: ENGAGE FRACAS!

RNP: Author's note.











Spoiler: 4th wall convo



RNP: Hey. Come in, take a seat on the ground. You want some chips? I have some in the pantry. No? How bout a soda? No? Okay.

RNP: So, as you've probably noticed by the questionable quality of this drawing, this mouse-drawn comic has turned swiftly into a trackpad-drawn comic due to the untimely death of my computer mouse.


RNP: I do not want this to be a trackpad-drawn comic.


RNP: In addition, I don't have the best connection. I'm running on a cell phone hotspot at best, currently. We're talking some real bottom-of-the-barrel shit here. 


RNP: So, this comic is gonna take a sorta-hiatus. I'm trying my damndest to get back up and running, but I'm in an entirely different state than where all my cash is.



RNP: So, yeah. I'll be back as soon as I can be. In the meantime, why not go and check out qva's Journeyquest? It's the same format but better-drawn.



RNP: See ya. I gotta manage this shit over here. Working hard on getting back into the swing, okay? Also, when I do return, count on updates being more consistent, and less taking-days-on-end.


RNP: Adios.


----------



## Novae (May 25, 2019)

f

Cute dog tho


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (May 27, 2019)

Trio: Okay, now FRACAS

Heh, not really. Reveal the final protag.








Your name is HANNA JANGAR. You hear some commotion going on outside, but you don't really feel like leaving your LAB. You like to keep it neat and enjoy doing LUMP EXPERIMENTS with your LUMPFRUIT PLANT and LUMP ALCHEMIZER. You have a LARGE UNKNOWN MACHINE which is currently SWITCHED OFF. You can't quite remember why; you just woke up from being blasted with an awry LUMP EXPERIMENT, which, kinda disappeared? Huh.
​


----------



## Eifie (May 27, 2019)

Examine the LARGE UNKNOWN MACHINE?


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jun 3, 2019)

RNP: Succumb to exams.​


----------



## Novae (Jun 3, 2019)

RedneckPhoenix said:


> RNP: Succumb to exams.​


Mood


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jun 5, 2019)

HJ: INVESTIGATE MACHINE









This message doesn't seem important.


----------



## Cynder (Jun 6, 2019)

HJ: Observe flasks


----------



## Eifie (Jun 6, 2019)

HJ: Flip the lever!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jun 7, 2019)

HJ: Examine FLASKS




You've already flipped the switch! You try to switch it back, but it seems stuck.








You're quite certain there have never been any FLASKS in your ARMORY.
​


----------



## Eifie (Jun 7, 2019)

Oh.

Examine flowerpot?


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jun 10, 2019)

HJ : Examine plant.









Smells like your EXOTIC LUMPS are half-ripe.


Should only take a few more months.​


----------



## Eifie (Jun 13, 2019)

Wait a few more months.


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jun 25, 2019)

HJ: Wait.







You wait for about five minutes and get bored.











You move on. Your EGGS are pretty much as you left them. Except one is about to hatch.​


----------



## Eifie (Jun 26, 2019)

SMASH THE EGG TO PIECES


----------



## Cynder (Jun 26, 2019)

HJ: Look outside


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jul 4, 2019)

HJ: SMASH THE EGG / Look outside. 







You pick up an egg to crush it into powder in your hand. Just then, the creature within begins to emerge.







Oh, yeah. You were hatching FAMILIARS.

This is apparently a MOSLING. Half goose, half moose.

You remember seeing something like it in a game you love playing.









Looks like some fools out there are about to


















​


----------



## Stryke (Jul 5, 2019)

All: smash that tentacled man


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Jul 6, 2019)

JL, RT, CE: Do the monster mash.










The TENTACLED NERD takes a small bit of damage from your basic attacks. Then it hypnotizes CAPYBARFA.



CAPYBARFA is asleep!​


----------



## Eifie (Jul 6, 2019)

CAPYBARFA ;_;


----------



## Cynder (Aug 10, 2019)

Cliffhanger

Swap to fourth character

(Alternatively: JL set the Moosling on the fiend)


----------



## Eifie (Aug 11, 2019)

CAPYBARFA ;_;


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Aug 11, 2019)

JL: Set Mosling on Fiend
JL has no mosling! 








CE is frozen!

​


----------



## Eifie (Aug 11, 2019)

I'm paralyzed with grief over CAPYBARFA

somebody else needs to take over


----------



## Panini (Aug 12, 2019)

Aim for the eye!!!

Capybarfa: Please attempt to awaken physically and spiritually


----------



## Eifie (Sep 12, 2019)

RedneckPhoenix said:


> resurrect the thread


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 30, 2019)

Reboot.









Capybarfa awakens, and so awakens a new form. The TENTACLED NERD also reaches a sleeker form.

Capybarfa kicks off the rest of the NERD's vitality orbule.

​


----------



## Eifie (Dec 30, 2019)

give us a "you're probably wondering how I got into this situation" monologue, because I don't remember anything about this


----------



## Keldeo (Dec 30, 2019)

Bumbletrek reboot hype! :D


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 31, 2019)

HJ: Recap









The MOSLING walks over to your BOOK OF RETROACTIVE PROPHECIES, which is probably one of the more useless imbued items you have. It begins reading.




JL woke up this morning with a hangover so bad he couldn't remember his own goddamn name. He fucked around his basement for a while, befriending CAPYBARFA, until he sobered up by drinking floor coffee. JL proceeded upstairs and created a few useless LUMP ITEMS before fighting a MONSTROUS CAPYBARA. He slaughtered the beast, caught a disease, and proceeded to learn how to craft again in making a vaccine. He walked out to his foyer and got his ass kicked by a LUMP CYCLOPS.

RT woke up from a fume-induced coma in his broom closet. He upgraded his lump machines, went to his room, got his wildly overpowered equipment, murdered a crab, got a hat, and came to JL's rescue.

CE woke up after a chunk of PROTEIN-POWDER FLAVORED ICE knocked her out. She kicked the shit out of all the monsters in her house due to her OBSCENELY HIGH BEEF STAT. She rendezvoused with JL and RT outside, but apparently missed one monster: the TENTACLED NERD.

HJ woke up after eating an unripe LUMP FRUIT and getting ADVANCED FOOD POISONING. She flipped a lever, watched an egg hatch, and received the MOSLING. She looked outside just in time to watch an ass-kicking as the TENTACLED NERD doused JL, CE, and RT with STATUS EFFECTS.

The TENTACLED NERD, CAPYBARFA, and MOSLING all got ART UPDATES.


Honestly, you can't remember why you bought this book. It only tells what happened in the past.​


----------



## Eifie (Dec 31, 2019)

SOOTHE the FROZEN GIRL!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Mar 18, 2020)

-->





The TENTACLED NERD takes a beefy swing at CE, smashing her ice and breaking her NUNCHUCKS in half.

RT gets sorta tired of this bullshit and deploys the GLASS CANNON. It fires a glorious-looking ball of glass that would make any special effect artist jealous. Wow, it sure is beautiful.








The FRACAS has ended in victory. Feels like it took months.

You all gain WAY TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE.

RT gaffles the TENTACLE, SMART, and MOIST lumps and saves them for later.

For some reason RT stops showing his armor in the artstyle.​


----------



## Eifie (Mar 18, 2020)

Pet CAPYBARFA! They deserve to be praised for their pivotal role in this battle!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Mar 20, 2020)

All: Pet the capybara







Spoiler



CE: the fuck is this thing?
JL: this is my familiar his name is capybarfa
CE: oh










Spoiler



CE: he's soft
RT: God, I hate animals.


----------



## I liek Squirtles (Mar 26, 2020)

JL & CE: glare at RT for his rude comments


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Been a while. 
JL & CE: Glare​


Spoiler



RT: what
CE: bitch


----------



## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

anyone: pet capybarfa


----------



## mewtini (Dec 6, 2020)

anyone: stare at sun


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

People: Do Things



Spoiler



RT: My eyes.
CE: still soft.
JL: yeah i just gave him a bloodbath.


----------



## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

I don't remember what was happening

should we be looking for the fourth person?


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Trio: Confer

The three of you consider for a moment that it really doesn't feel right to only have three of you here. You all came out of your own house, but there's another belonging to your collective other neighbour. Doesn't seem like there's any other buildings around.



Spoiler



JL: door's locked



Guess you'll have to wait for her to finish whatever mystical house-escaping journey she's on. Otherwise she's stuck at home. You could even say she's-​


----------



## Novae (Dec 6, 2020)

be the homestuck


----------



## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

didn't we just defeat a fracaseer

break down the door!!!


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Be the other girl.


You are now the other girl.

Man, good thing you invested in that indestructible door. That monster looked tough.​


----------



## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

place the bird dog with antlers in the empty spot at the top left of the dot square


----------



## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Put mosling in empty egg-spot.

You put the mosling in the spot where its egg used to be.



A panel opens up on the wall.​


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## Novae (Dec 6, 2020)

check out the panel!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

HJ: Check note.

You find a note inside the panel.



​


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## Stryke (Dec 6, 2020)

Flip the note over


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

HJ: Flip the note.


Okay.​


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## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

look at the flipped note in the mirror


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Check note except again.

No mirror in this room. You check the opposite side of the note, but it's blank. You feed the note to the mosling.

Come to think of it, little fella kinda needs a name, don't he?​


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## Novae (Dec 6, 2020)

name him Lingmos

my brain at 1 am is definitely the best source of names


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 6, 2020)

Dub ye mosling.

You were never very good with names.​


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## Eifie (Dec 6, 2020)

unlock the door?


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 7, 2020)

HJ: Unlock ye door.


You walk to the door on the wall. It's actually an elevator, turns out. You'd think one would be able to remember something important like that.




You hit the UP BUTTON and wait a bit. The doors start to open.



Huh. Was totally expecting there to be a monster in there.​


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## Eifie (Dec 7, 2020)

onward and upward!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 7, 2020)

HJ: Onward and upward.

You're feeling pretty good about the fact that you haven't seen a monster yet. Sign of good things to come, you think.



Ah. There it is.

A MENACING HULA GIANT blocks your path!​


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## Eifie (Dec 7, 2020)




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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 7, 2020)

HJ: ---->



You draw some FLASKS from your INVENTORY. You currently wield FLAME FLASKS and FURY FLASKS.​


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## qenya (Dec 7, 2020)

Douse Lingmos with the Fury Flask in the hope that he will gain the power to fight the Menacing Hula Giant


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## IndigoClaudia (Dec 8, 2020)

Drink the flame flask and hope for the best


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: Use flasks.
You shatter the bottle over LINGMOS' head.





LINGMOS was born five minutes ago and has no concept of rage!
​


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: Drink flame flask.



You know, you've always wondered what these things taste like. You've never tried it yourself. You take the stopper off of the flame flask and AUGH FUCK there it goes. 

The GIANT'S VITALITY ORBULE is knocked straight to the yellow and well into the red.​


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## Eifie (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: up taunt


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## Eifie (Dec 8, 2020)

I was just experiencing a moment of teary-eyed joy that Keith paid tribute to Barfie with an adorable friend called Capybarfa, how sweet

then I went back and looked and actually it was me. I was the one who demanded it be named after Barfie.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: Up taunt.


HJ hits 'em with the taunt.



HJ has been bodied slain.

<----- GO BACK​


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## Eifie (Dec 8, 2020)




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## mewtini (Dec 8, 2020)

simply YEET LINGMOS at the GIANT


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: CHAIN TECHNIQUE: MOSLING MASSACRE

HJ utilizes her BEEF STAT to FLING LINGMOS at the GIANT!



She has nowhere near enough BEEF to fling this familiar.


LINGMOS throws himself into the GIANT'S mouth ANYWAYS.







The MENACING HULA GIANT is slain.

LINGMOS GAINED A LEVEL!

NEW PARASITE TECHNIQUE: CANADA CHESTBURST!

+5 FLESHLUST!

HJ GAINED A LEVEL!

+6 BEEF!
+6 BUSTLE!
+6 BRAINS!

HJ LEARNED A NEW RECIPE: CHERRY CORDIAL!
HJ LEARNED A NEW FLASKNIQUE: BEAKER BASH!
​


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## mewtini (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: Celebrate.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: CELEBRATE


You're not really sure what it is, but something about seeing a giant get turned inside-out really doesn't make you wanna dance too badly.

LINGMOS finishes his meal of 50 POUNDS OF FLESH and gains EMOTION SHARING, as a certain capybara you haven't met yet has done also.





You really don't want to see into LINGMOS' mind anymore.​


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## Eifie (Dec 8, 2020)

HJ: _now_ up taunt


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## IndigoClaudia (Dec 8, 2020)

Eifie said:


> HJ: _now_ up taunt


and dab simultainiously.


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 9, 2020)

HJ: Do a funny dance.



You are haunted by what you have created. This is no time for dancing.

Your BRAND NON-SPECIFIC ROBOTIC VACUUMING DEVICE scoots by.​


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## Eifie (Dec 9, 2020)

place Lingmos atop the brand nonspecific robotic vacuuming device


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 9, 2020)

HJ: Place Lingmos atop it.



Maybe all he needs is a little fun. You wipe the blood off LINGMOS and place him atop the DEVICE.


It makes a weird grinding noise and slows down considerably.​


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## Novae (Dec 9, 2020)

abscond while lingmos is distracted by the device!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 9, 2020)

HJ: Abscond.



You're probably safe from whatever terrifying plans he holds within his skull as his master, but you walk over to the other side of the room anyways.​


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## qenya (Dec 9, 2020)

Look under the FUCK OFF MAT


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 15, 2020)

HJ: Look under MAT.



You add the MAT to your inventory.

The MAT reveals a painting of a clown.​


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## Herbe (Dec 15, 2020)

Talk to clown painting


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 15, 2020)

HJ: Converse with painting.



You try, but it doesn't seem much for conversation.

You hear a faint buzzing sound coming from the next room over.​


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## Sandstone-Shadow (Dec 15, 2020)

Knock on the door? (is this okay, am I doing this right :O)


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## Eifie (Dec 15, 2020)

Sandstone-Shadow said:


> Knock on the door? (is this okay, am I doing this right :O)


yes!


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 16, 2020)

HJ: Knock on door.



You send your meaty fist door-ward.

Your hand busts through in one blow.​


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## Herbe (Dec 16, 2020)

reach through and open the door with the handle on the other side


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 16, 2020)

HJ: Open other side of door.



There's no knob on the other side! Funny, you specifically remember buying that one.​


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## qenya (Dec 16, 2020)

are, um. are we sure the door is locked at all

try to open the door by turning the handle

(and if that doesn't work break it down)


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## Novae (Dec 16, 2020)

and if that doesn't work, squeeze yourself through the hole in the door


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## Eifie (Dec 16, 2020)

investigate the question marks on the wall above your head


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 17, 2020)

HJ: Manhandle knob.



You turn the knob. It appears to be locked.


You decide to just go APESHIT on the door.

Before you can, however, something catches your eye.



You gaze upon your KEY WALL. Each key on this wall is unique. The correct key must be chosen from this wall or else your SECURITY SYSTEM will activate and BLOW UP THE MOON.

(You decide to pretend that the entire wall is covered in keys, because it's supposed to be.)

So, no pressure.​


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## Novae (Dec 17, 2020)

Pick a key at completely random! Who needs the moon anyway


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## qenya (Dec 17, 2020)

i see this as an absolute win. obliterate that goddamn sky-orb


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## Eifie (Dec 17, 2020)

simply pick the correct key and unlock the door


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## IndigoClaudia (Dec 18, 2020)

PICK THE WRONG KEY!


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## Novae (Dec 18, 2020)

this is quote possibly my favorite series of posts on the forum


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## RedneckPhoenix (Dec 19, 2020)

HJ: Just choose a key.

You choose a key at random and put it in the lock. You turn it, and...






The door opens. Guess that was the right key.





The moon blows up anyways.​


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## Novae (Dec 19, 2020)

(i am this close to posting the eggman copypasta)


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## Eifie (Dec 19, 2020)

put the rest of the keys in a bag and bring them with you, just in case.


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## qenya (Dec 19, 2020)

Sing a melancholy song to lament the moon


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## RedneckPhoenix (Jan 3, 2021)

HJ: Sing about the moon


The author arbitrarily decides to, from this point forward, only accept the command he likes most from those submitted between posts. It's better for flow, he thinks. Better than having to mash together all the ideas.

What an asshole.



You still don't feel much like singing or talking.


You walk through the door into VOID.




The door disappears behind you.
​


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## Zori (Jan 3, 2021)

moonwalk


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## Eifie (Jan 3, 2021)

silly Zori, didn't you see that the moon has already blown up


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## Novae (Jan 3, 2021)

voidwalk


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## IndigoClaudia (Jan 6, 2021)

Dab, then try to put your hand on the ground, and if that works without you falling for an infinite amount of time, try licking the ground. what does it taste like?


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## Herbe (Jan 6, 2021)

look at the ceiling


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## RedneckPhoenix (Jan 10, 2021)

HJ: Look up.



You look up. Down. All around. Nothing. There is nothing here that can help you. You can never escape. The void is all-consuming. It consumed everything in here and now it's going to consume you, too.




You wake up on the floor. It would seem that after you unlocked the door you tripped and hit your head on the frame.

OBTAINED FUMBLETECH LV. 1: DRUNKEN SAILOR!

Your head hurts.
​


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## Eifie (Jan 11, 2021)

sleep the headache off


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## IndigoClaudia (Jan 11, 2021)

get an new headache to replace the pain of your headache


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## Zori (Jan 11, 2021)

hydrate, because that is important


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