# PROJECT GARGOYLE: An Extract



## Harlequin (Jun 5, 2009)

Okay. In an attempt to bring something different (ie prose) to the forum, I'm giving you all something I've been working on for a while. It's just a small extract and it's slightly boring, but I would like you to read it and comment on it anyway.

Thank you for your time.

An Extract

[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Away from the clan's caves, down a gentle incline, a group of females were bathing in the natural pool that formed in a depression in the rock face of the mountain. It was a relatively secluded area and was heated by a hot spring that ran down from the top of the mountain. At the side of the pool, resting on a flattened, roughly egg-shaped rock, sat a basket in which clothes and furs could be found. An ancient willow tree stood where the water met the grass.[/FONT]​ ​ [FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]A tall, slender blonde female sat at the side of the pool combing her hair. Her reddish-pink skin stood out in contrast to the stony grey of the rock and the green blue of the water. A few more females were scattered about, two older and two younger than the female sat on a rock at the pool's edge.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]So _then_, after I asked him not to, what do you think Ifan did?” said a female with vibrantly blue skin, her head and shoulders poking above the water.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]He did it, of course,” said the blonde female. There was a chorus of agreement from most of the other females. One buxom female, younger than the rest, looked puzzled.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]If he doesn't do what you want him to then why do you put up with it?” she said, combing through her blonde tresses. The blue female laughed.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]There's more to it than that, Parys,” she said, smiling. “_Love_,” she added, seeing the adolescent's vacant look. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]So you let him do these things, even though you don't want him to?” said Parys, putting her comb down in her lap. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Do explain, Cherry,” said the blue female, ducking her head under the water slowly. She emerged moments later, hair plastered across her face and head.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Love conquers all,” said Cherry, still combing her hair. “Things that would annoy you in another seem insignificant in your mate,” she said. “Before I fell in love with Tuw, the things he did used to irritate me so much. That's why Saffy doesn't mind when Ifan does things she doesn't want him to.” Cherry shrugged. “It's hard to explain until you experience it.” She forgot to add that Parys should have experienced it already, being almost mature. Her rookery siblings were already pairing off.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]_I _think it's silly,” she said, sticking her nose up in the air. Minding her horns, which swept back against her head, framing her hair, she began to comb again. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Give her a year,” said a pale yellow female to Saffy, her hair tied in a bun to stop it getting wet. “Then we'll see.” Saffy laughed, and swam slowly over to the side of the pool. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]I know what it feels like,” said a willowy, dull-brown adolescent from behind Parys. The young pink female turned to her friend, still soaking in the water, and glared. She had said it quietly, and only Parys had heard.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]It's a sort of wobbly feeling in your stomach. Like when we were being taught to glide,” she explained. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]You mean dropped off the mountain, Felu,” said Parys bitterly. She had taken longer than the other hatchlings to master gliding, and it had taken the rookery keepers to desperate measures. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]That was you,” said Felu, dismissively. “But I suppose that's what it feels like. I get it when I see Sam.” she said, smiling.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]That's not love, it's revulsion,” said Parys, snorting. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]I like him!” said Felu, perhaps a bit louder than intended, as Cherry's ears pricked at the sound.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Whom do you like?” she said, craning her neck to see past Parys.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Sam,” said Felu, biting her lower lip. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Are you courting?” asked Cherry, slipping back into the water to move closer to the young female. With a careful motion she tucked her hair into a bun, mindful of her two long, slender horns that framed her hair.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]I think so,” said Felu. “I spend a lot of time with him. Alone.” [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]You're courting.” said Cherry definitively. Saffy nodded her agreement. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Especially if he spends more time with you than anyone else,” added Saffy. On the bank, the tall yellow female was drying herself with a thick animal fur.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]I'm going back now,” she said, “Do you want me to take back the basket? I'll leave your clothes here.”[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]No, thanks, Elen,” said Saffy. “I think we're fine.” The yellow female waved as she started back up the path to the caves. Saffy turned back toward her daughters. Never one to spend much time with the hatchlings, she nonetheless was interested in her children's lives, or at least to a point.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Do you have your eye on anyone, Parys?” said Cherry, leaning in closer. The small pink female pursed her lips.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]I like Bryn,” she said at last. “He has a nice face and pretty horns.” [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Then why don't you start courting him? Spend more time with him,” said Cherry, shrugging.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Be nice,” added Saffy. Cherry snorted. The tall, pink female waded out of the pool, careful to keep her head above water.[/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Well, I've got business to attend to,” she said, walking up the gentle incline onto the bank. [/FONT]​ ​ “[FONT=DejaVu Sans, sans-serif]Bye, Cherry,” said Felu, smiling. Cherry dried off quickly and slipped into a short, backless dress with room for her wings. She drew her bat-like wings about her shoulders, clasping them together with the small fingers along the length of each wing[/FONT]​ ​


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## Sandstone-Shadow (Jun 5, 2009)

I like it; are you going to post more? You definitely don't hear about gargoyles all the time.

It is just an extract, so I don't know if there's more that goes before this piece, but there are a few things that I think could use clarifying; for one thing, perhaps you could mention wings and horns earlier. I didn't think that these were creatures other than human until the third paragraph, and with how much description there is in the first two, the fact that they're not human is important.

Also, I'm having a little bit of trouble distinguishing the characters. Adding more descriptions of their wings and horns might help, as well as perhaps something like this: The first time you mention their name, maybe you could add something like, "Cherry, the pink female," etc.

Other than that, though, it's interesting, and I look forward to seeing more. =D


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## Harlequin (Jun 6, 2009)

Thank you for reading. I might post some more extracts, but definitely not the whole thing. It's nowhere near finished and there are bits missing from what I've already written.

This bit comes after quite a lot of description, and wings, horns and tails are introduced during the first few paragraphs. This is still close to the start of it, but stuff has already happened.

The descriptions of the characters is the one thing I always, always have trouble with - I can see them perfectly in my head, but I don't want to spend too long laboriously describing every detail.

Probably should, though.

Again, thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.


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