# Is it weird for a girl to propose to a guy?



## Phantom (Mar 12, 2011)

Yesterday on the radio I heard the DJ's arguing about it. What do you think?


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## Dannichu (Mar 12, 2011)

I think proposals in general (especially the traditional "getting down on one knee" sense) are weird. I cringe every time I hear a story about a big, showy proposal, where a guy whipped out a ring in the middle of a public place - it's _horrible_.

I only learned recently that, when a (opposite-sex) couple are engaged, it's usually only the woman who wears a ring, and it's historically because it marked the woman as 'taken', but the guy could still sleep around with whoever he wanted. 

Also, the asking the father of the bride thing is _creepy_.

I'm dull and unromantic, and think that if a couple are to get married, it should be a mutual desicion made between the two of them, not a question asked (by either party!) out of the blue in a room full of strangers.


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## Jolty (Mar 12, 2011)

If I ever propose to a woman (or a man for that matter) I want to wear an engagement ring too
I like rings B(

and hell no it's not weird for a girl to propose to a guy, the whole thing about how the men have to do all the things like that is just dumb these days

as for the whole big showy thing... if you're surrounded by strangers then yeah it's a bit weird but if you're surrounded by friends then I think it's an awesome idea
I WANT TO DO THIS ONE DAY. Because I'm laaaame and sappy

man I want to be proposed to /and/ to propose to someone ;_;


edit: forgot
I'd assume that for someone to actually propose in the first place, the couple would've talked about marriage beforehand or something??


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## Pwnemon (Mar 12, 2011)

I voted "Don't care," I hope nobody takes that wrong, I meant don't care which gender proposes. Myself I'm not ballsy enough to even ask a girl /out/, so I'm definitely not up for proposing in public.

Now that I think about it no may have been a better option.


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## Tailsy (Mar 12, 2011)

I would be incredibly surprised if anyone on this forum seriously voted 'yes'.

EDIT: for the record, I voted 'no' because uh, obviously it's not. Identifying as female does not strip me of the right to propose to my partner.
Also, how would lesbian couples manage to get this done. This question isn't very inclusive.


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## Phantom (Mar 12, 2011)

Hence why it says for a girl to ask a guy. I understand what you're saying, which is why I posed a question. 

I don't know if I'd ever propose to a guy, I'm just not like that. I wouldn't be able to get a word out. But for some reason if it were a girl I might... I'm weird that way.


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## Tailsy (Mar 12, 2011)

I dunno. I just don't see why it should ever actually matter. I mean surely if you're going to propose you know the other person is going to say 'yes' unless you're a really terrible planner, so I don't... really get why you wouldn't be able to? :S


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## Pwnemon (Mar 12, 2011)

Because I'm incredibly self conscious and have no metaphorical balls and my one greatest fear in life is failure and embarrassment?


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## Lili (Mar 12, 2011)

I think there's nothing wrong with a girl proposing to a man, but I do like the tradition of a man proposing to a young lady.  I myself don't think I'd do the whole get-down-on-one-knee thing, I'd mostly just say, "Hey, wanna get married?"


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## Tailsy (Mar 12, 2011)

Pwnemon said:


> Because I'm incredibly self conscious and have no metaphorical balls and my one greatest fear in life is failure and embarrassment?


But if you know she's going to say yes then how can you possibly be afraid of failure?


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## Pwnemon (Mar 12, 2011)

Pwnemon said:


> Because I'm incredibly self conscious and have no metaphorical balls and my one greatest fear in life is failure and embarrassment


It's an irrational fear that probably comes from 6 years of being bullied, what can I say. Every time I do something I'm afraid that it will stick with me the rest of my life and people will tease me for it.


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## ... (Mar 12, 2011)

Whoever voted "Cookies" deserves one. 

I voted "Don't care" but I suppose it's more of a matter of who it is. If I were to be in a very close relationship with a girl, I'd be the one to propose to her. Preferably in private, but anywhere would be fine as long as she says yes.

However, if I were in a close relationship with a guy, I'd more than likely want to be the one proposed to. Unless in the very rare case that I start dating a guy who's more feminine than me. But as I said, that's very rare because I live in Tennessee, and any guy who's smaller and more feminine than me is usually either 12 or has hormonal deficiencies.


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## Zhorken (Mar 12, 2011)

Yeahhh I'm with Dannichu on proposals being weird regardless of gender.  It seems really unfair to make someone give an on-the-spot answer to a decision that big under so much pressure.  I agree with the general sentiment of it not being weird for the woman in a heterosexual relationship to be the one to bring up this sort of thing, though.

I guess I'm just going for cookies?  It's honestly the most accurate answer here—I do care, I do have an idea, I don't want to answer "no" when it _is_ weird, and I don't want to answer "yes" when it's not _any weirder_.


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## Karkat Vantas (Mar 12, 2011)

_Why does this even make a difference_

I'm against marriage to begin with.


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## Zhorken (Mar 12, 2011)

Starlit Ocean said:


> Whoever voted "Cookies" deserves one.
> 
> I voted "Don't care" but I suppose it's more of a matter of who it is. If I were to be in a very close relationship with a girl, I'd be the one to propose to her. Preferably in private, but anywhere would be fine as long as she says yes.
> 
> However, if I were in a close relationship with a guy, I'd more than likely want to be the one proposed to. Unless in the very rare case that I start dating a guy who's more feminine than me. But as I said, that's very rare because I live in Tennessee, and any guy who's smaller and more feminine than me is usually either 12 or has hormonal deficiencies.


Wait.  Waiiiiit.  (This post popped up while I was posting my last post.  ... I post slowly.)

You don't care but you suppose it _would_ have to be the non-female or less feminine one for it to feel right for you after all?

EDIT: Ohhh, wait, I guess that's consistent if you meant you don't care when it comes to other people, but that's still kind of obnoxious. :c


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## Zero Moment (Mar 12, 2011)

I voted cookies because I honestly don't care but it seemed more correct then don't care for some reason.


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## Sandstone-Shadow (Mar 12, 2011)

Applejack said:


> I would be incredibly surprised if anyone on this forum seriously voted 'yes'.


I semi-seriously voted yes because it would be really weird for me. If it was between other people, I wouldn't feel weird about it or anything (there's nothing wrong with it at all), but if it was me, I would rather him propose to me rather than me propose to him. 

I think it comes down to the fact that I need to know for sure that he wants to marry me - if I ask him, then I think (well, what do I actually know about this; maybe my opinion will change drastically) I would always have a bit of a nagging thought something along the lines of, "If I hadn't asked, would he have married me?" that sort of thing.

So. Yes because it would be weird for me. I don't care if it's other people. So I suppose I should have voted, "don't care."

Edit: After actually reading instead of skimming the other replies, I found something new to say:



			
				Sweetie Belle said:
			
		

> I do like the tradition of a man proposing to a young lady.


That's what I mean - I like the tradition. I'd like for a guy to propose to me; I'd feel strange proposing to him.


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Mar 12, 2011)

I'm against anything to do with the gender binary, and I think it's completely normal for a woman to propose to a man. I also get really annoyed at the mindset some girls seem to have that they can't ask out men and have to wait for the man to take the first step. Then they die of old age.

I have no desire to get married but if a future boyfriend really wanted to then I suppose I would say yes, but I would never want a 'surprise' proposal because a) I hate large-scale, life-affecting surprises and b) I would probably have to say no even if I loved him with all my heart which would really suck for our relationship :o(


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## Butterfree (Mar 12, 2011)

Dannichu said:


> I think proposals in general (especially the traditional "getting down on one knee" sense) are weird. I cringe every time I hear a story about a big, showy proposal, where a guy whipped out a ring in the middle of a public place - it's _horrible_.
> 
> I only learned recently that, when a (opposite-sex) couple are engaged, it's usually only the woman who wears a ring, and it's historically because it marked the woman as 'taken', but the guy could still sleep around with whoever he wanted.
> 
> ...


I kind of agree and kind of not. On the one hand, proposing out of the blue in a public place is _really_ creepy and coercive (who wants to be the one to say no when everybody is watching, even if you don't really want to get married?). On the other hand, it _is_ a way of making the agreement to get married into a considerably more romantic, memorable event than if you just decide together to get married and then do it without any cheesy proposal thing going on. There should be prior agreement that the two of you do want to get married, but the "proposal" can just be some cute, overly-romantic gesture one partner makes for the particular occasion of when you put on engagement rings - though the tradition springs from something pretty skeevy, that doesn't mean the tradition can't be put in a modern form that's actually just fun.

Shadey and I both want to get married at some point and have discussed it pretty thoroughly. At that stage, it's "safe" to propose in a flashy way because the decision is essentially already made and any reservations about how it should be carried about have already been voiced; it would just be about creating some cute memorable single moment to be able to tell people about when we get older. And at that point, the tradition of the guy proposing is kind of useful to allow the element of (pleasant) surprise to come into it without _both_ parties ending up with some elaborate plan that only one of them then manages to execute. However, there is nothing _weird_ about a girl proposing to a guy if that seems to be the thing to do. I kind of enjoy the idea of being proposed to more than the idea of proposing in my particular relationship, personally (I think Shadey could come up with something creative and adorable because he's something of an expert on the ridiculously cheesy-yet-sweet), but if the situation were different I'd probably enjoy proposing to a guy, too. *shrug*


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## Chief Zackrai (Mar 12, 2011)

Is it unconventional? yes. Wrong? no. Weird? I can't say.

I actually said "no" on the poll, but I am unsure now. I think because of what the media throws at us, we expect proposals to be this romantic scene with a man on his knee, amongst at least a semi-large crowd with their attention. I have to imagine it would be a little awkward, because of how this kind of thing is hardwired into our brains, but I don't feel as though this awkwardness couldn't be overcome. Another thing is I don't think that a girl would consider proposing, because that's supposed to be a man's thing. Like on those jewelry commercials when the woman is like "OMG HE FINALLY PROPOSED" that sort of thing leaves me wondering, _Well, if you wanted to marry him so much, why didn't you propose to him?_ This sort of thing isn't also isn't good for the image of women, because it makes them seem not independent, like a man is the only thing that will make them complete.

And I have no problem with the tradition, as mentioned earlier, I just wish people would be more open-minded.


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## Murkrow (Mar 12, 2011)

I didn't even know that it was weird for a girl to propose until last year until I saw The One Show talk about how some day is apparently the only day where it's allowed. (I recall it being the 29th of Feburary but last year wasn't a leap year?)

I don't really understand the reasoning behind any of that, it's just stupid.


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## ... (Mar 12, 2011)

Rainbow Dash said:


> Wait.  Waiiiiit.  (This post popped up while I was posting my last post.  ... I post slowly.)
> 
> You don't care but you suppose it _would_ have to be the non-female or less feminine one for it to feel right for you after all?
> 
> EDIT: Ohhh, wait, I guess that's consistent if you meant you don't care when it comes to other people, but that's still kind of obnoxious. :c


I suppose it would just be more of a stereotypical thing if I were to be in a relationship with a girl. If she got down on one knee with a ring, my family would definitely be raising some eyebrows. If I got down on one knee in the same manner, my family would be overjoyed, and so would hers, if she said yes. It's just how the media's hyped things up, I suppose.

As for a guy, which you appear to be referring to, I think it all comes down to a matter of who's willing to take the initiative, lest we simultaneously kneel and pull out a ring. Which, of course, would kind of look odd, but I suppose that's where my answer comes from: "I don't care....as long as one of us says yes."


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## Crazy Linoone (Mar 12, 2011)

Eh, I think proposals are just really creepy and stupid in general. It's _not right_ to have to make such a life-changing decision under all that pressure, because it becomes really hard to say no. 

What everybody else had said, really. 



Starlit Ocean said:


> lest we simultaneously kneel and pull out a ring.


All proposals should be done this way.


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## Tarvos (Mar 12, 2011)

It's not weird, but I think in my current relationship marriage is a while away anyway.


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## Phantom (Mar 12, 2011)

Is it sad or amazing that cookie is in third place?


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## Zhorken (Mar 13, 2011)

Bachuru said:


> There should be prior agreement that the two of you do want to get married, but the "proposal" can just be some cute, overly-romantic gesture one partner makes for the particular occasion of when you put on engagement rings - though the tradition springs from something pretty skeevy, that doesn't mean the tradition can't be put in a modern form that's actually just fun.


Okay, yeah, I see no problem with it given that context.  That can perfectly well be cute.



Rasrap Smurf said:


> I didn't even know that it was weird for a girl to propose until last year until I saw The One Show talk about how some day is apparently the only day where it's allowed. (I recall it being the 29th of Feburary but last year wasn't a leap year?)


Yeah, I've heard of that too; I definitely remember the day being leap day.  I assume three out of four years it supposedly just doesn't happen.

EDIT: 





Starlit Ocean said:


> I suppose it would just be more of a stereotypical thing if I were to be in a relationship with a girl. If she got down on one knee with a ring, my family would definitely be raising some eyebrows. If I got down on one knee in the same manner, my family would be overjoyed, and so would hers, if she said yes. It's just how the media's hyped things up, I suppose.
> 
> As for a guy, which you appear to be referring to, I think it all comes down to a matter of who's willing to take the initiative, lest we simultaneously kneel and pull out a ring. Which, of course, would kind of look odd, but I suppose that's where my answer comes from: "I don't care....as long as one of us says yes."


Oh, I read "I'd be the one to propose to her" as a statement of how you'd want things to be, not "this is just how it'd pan out given where I live."  Though you still said you'd want the "more feminine" guy (if you end up getting engaged to a guy) on the receiving end of the proposal; is taking the initiative inherently masculine?


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## Worst Username Ever (Mar 13, 2011)

Crazy Linoone said:


> Eh, I think proposals are just really creepy and stupid in general. It's _not right_ to have to make such a life-changing decision under all that pressure, because it becomes really hard to say no.


True. Especially if the person being asked just doesn't want to get married for whatever reason... it will just be awkward telling no.


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## allitersonance (Mar 13, 2011)

All proposals are weird >:| /amoeba

I suppose that in situations like Butterchuru's, where there's been enough discussion and the proposal would be more like a ceremony to officialise it, it'd be fine; in that case, the girl doing it is no weirder. Otherwise, I'm forced to quote Dannichu's post and say, "This."


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## Automata heart (Mar 17, 2011)

Karkat Vantas said:


> _Why does this even make a difference_
> 
> I'm against marriage to begin with.


^ yeah. 
i'm all for just living with someone. i dont know if i  want to be called someone's "wife" for how ever long I'm with someone. to answer the question, no. i don't think it's weird. i would want someone to propose to me, but thats just me.


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## shiny jiggly (Mar 17, 2011)

Personally, I would have no problems with proposing to a man if I actually found the right one for me (I don't really have any intentions of ever getting married or getting into a relationship but that's a little off-topic) But I would think up something creative besides the get-down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring-in-a-jewelery-box-and-stuff method. But for other women, I wouldn't know because I'm only one person.

If what you really meant was "Does today's society think it to be unorthodox for the woman to approach the man and propose instead of the other way around?" then I still wouldn't know because I don't really get out that much. This is a social question that can change anytime the opinions of the society change. So if that was what was inferred by your question, you're probably out of luck. Different chicks dig different flicks.


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## Harlequin (Mar 17, 2011)

I don't particularly care if women are proposing to men. If that's what they want to do then hooray let's support their choice to get married? IDEK why this is a thing. :( 

Personally I'd rather be the one to propose, although I think if my future boyfriend proposed to me I'd find it really sweet. More than likely I'll just be all "oh btw we've been living together for a while now and I think you're great and stuff so let's get married" but. 

You know.

Wooo women etc.


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## OrangeAipom (Mar 20, 2011)

They may be considered weird but "nobody can propose to me. autoreject" is stupid.


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## Adriane (Mar 20, 2011)

No; "traditional" gender roles should not be encouraged.


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