# Why do people think that everyone wants to be "cool"



## Cyndaquil (Sep 12, 2008)

As the title sugests, I'm just wondering why people assume that everyone wants to be "cool". I'm not trying to start an argument. I really don't care what people think about me although many people do care what people think about them. Now please only post here to try to answer my question, not to just correct what I say. When I say something I mean what I say even if it has no logical meaning.


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## Linzys (Sep 12, 2008)

What do you mean by cool? People could consider one another cool, as in 'Oh, he's cool, he'll give you a cookie if you ask.' or, as I think you're talking about, the 'cool' or popular kids.

I don't know if people assume that um..most people want to be 'cool kids', but there is a need to fit in and a disdain among a lot of 'unpopular' people for those who are popular and, and especially those who are popular and rub it in peoples' faces. There are also people who try to act like the popular kids without seeing why the popular kids are actualyl popular. A lot of the time the popular people are popular simply because they get along with a lot of people, but others assume that maybe it's the clothes and whatnot because they've never actually bothered to talk with them.

I dunno.


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## Cyndaquil (Sep 12, 2008)

I'm saying like when someone says "you should do this because its cool" or "don't do that its not cool" I don't get it. Its like they think that that can persuade everybody.


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## Furretsu (Sep 12, 2008)

I very rarely see "cool" used as a social classification anymore.


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## Darksong (Sep 12, 2008)

Cyndaquil said:


> I'm saying like when someone says "you should do this because its cool" or "don't do that its not cool" I don't get it. Its like they think that that can persuade everybody.



They do this because _they_ think it's "cool." They use the word "cool" because they think that it's more likely to make the people follow their advice. Sometimes (not all the time, just occasionally), it's not "cool", and occasionally, it's not just uncool, it's _wrong._ 

I don't know the answer to the question in the title, but I answered what you said up there. 

_If_ anyone tries to pressure you like this, just go your own way, and don't do anything you don't want to. Nobody's forcing you. The best thing you can do is just to pay attention to what's _right._
 Not like it'll happen every day. I'm just mentioning, in case it does happen, and in case you're asking this because people in your school/community act like this a lot.

Even though I do agree with Furretsu too. "Cool" is hardly ever used, at least where I live.


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## OrangeAipom (Sep 12, 2008)

I don't know who's cool or not at my school anymore.


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Sep 12, 2008)

Because cool guys are nicer than douchebags.


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## Jetx (Sep 12, 2008)

Why wouldn't you want to be considered cool? :|

It's human nature to care about what others think of you


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## Tailsy (Sep 12, 2008)

I'd rather be pleasantly warm than cool, to be honest. |D


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## Minish (Sep 12, 2008)

Furretsu said:


> I very rarely see "cool" used as a social classification anymore.


I do. It's used a lot here. The 'cool girls' are the ones who have completely straightened hair, lots of make-up, nice legs and lots of friends. The 'cool guys' are the ones who play football a lot and are attractive.

So yeah, maybe it's just used less in the USA.


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## Eevee (Sep 12, 2008)

"cool" no longer means "part of our clique of non-nerds"

now (or when you pass the age of 15) it just means "on the good side of acceptable"


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## Dannichu (Sep 12, 2008)

_Popular! You're gonna be popular!
I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair;
Everything that really counts!_

...I couldn't resist. 

I'm taking "cool" to mean "fitting in with the mainstream", and if loads of people you know strive for that and persuade you to, too, I feel bad for you.

I guess people do it because it makes life easier for them; they won't get teased or singled out for being different. For lots of people it's self-preservation, and you can't really judge them for it.


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## coughsalot (Sep 12, 2008)

1.  Neither warm nor very cold; moderately cold: fresh, cool water; a cool autumn evening.
2. Giving or suggesting relief from heat: a cool breeze; a cool blouse.
3. Marked by calm self-control: a cool negotiator.
4. Marked by indifference, disdain, or dislike; unfriendly or unresponsive: a cool greeting; was cool to the idea of higher taxes.
5. Of, relating to, or characteristic of colors, such as blue and green, that produce the impression of coolness.
6. Slang
a. Excellent; first-rate: has a cool sports car; had a cool time at the party.
b. Acceptable; satisfactory: It's cool if you don't want to talk about it.
7. Slang Entire; full: worth a cool million.


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## #1 bro (Sep 12, 2008)

because having friends is a _good_ thing.


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## Cyndaquil (Sep 12, 2008)

Tailsy said:


> I'd rather be pleasantly warm than cool, to be honest. |D


rofl anyway thanks for the answers.


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## Flora (Sep 12, 2008)

Zeta Reticuli said:


> because having friends is a _good_ thing.


...Is this the part where I say that I have friends and I am in no way whatsoever anywhere _near_ cool?


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## cheesecake (Sep 13, 2008)

Because when you're "cool" a lot of people like you.

Yet usually you don't have best friends or anything like that. Plus pressure on you to do everything cool is there.

I like being  "un-cool" with best friends ^^


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## Furretsu (Sep 13, 2008)

I hope you guys know "fuck the system" is just as bad as conformity :(


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## Storm Earth and Fire (Sep 13, 2008)

Furretsu said:


> I very rarely see "cool" used as a social classification anymore.





Furretsu said:


> I hope you guys know "fuck the system" is just as bad as conformity :(


Well I have just agreed with you twice. Woohoo.


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Sep 13, 2008)

it's cool to be uncool now


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## #1 bro (Sep 13, 2008)

Flora and Ashes said:


> ...Is this the part where I say that I have friends and I am in no way whatsoever anywhere _near_ cool?


usually the more popular you are, the more friends you have. I mean, 75/77 people in our grade have at least one friend, however (obviously) not all of those 75 people can be the kool kidz. those that _are_ the kool kidz typically have huge circles of friends while the nerdz tend only to have three or four each. :(

I dislike it when people are all "who cares if I'm popular? popular people are all MORONS and JERKS and just random CONFORMISTS who subscribe to trends to make themselves look cooler when really they're just _pathetic_". I used to have this very attitude, and I therefore I ended up at the very bottom of the social ladder. Eventually, I realized how fucking stupid this mentality was. "waaah waaah waah why should _I_ have to conform just to have people LIKE ME? why can't people like me for who I aaaaaaaaam?" Kid, society is _always_ going to expect something from you, and it's so. much. easier. just to give in and end up wearing maybe not your first choice of clothes, but in return getting a lot more friends and generally a more enjoyable school experience. 

Seriously. :|


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## Furretsu (Sep 13, 2008)

that is a twisted view o.o you should do things because you want to; whether or not this is the standard society has set is irrelevant


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## ultraviolet (Sep 13, 2008)

> it's cool to be uncool now


So uncool that it's... _cool_?


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## Music Dragon (Sep 13, 2008)

Furretsu said:


> that is a twisted view o.o you should do things because you want to; whether or not this is the standard society has set is irrelevant


Furret, there's a standard for a reason.

Being yourself is great.

However, having friends and being accepted by your peers is even more great.

I mean...

If nobody wants to hang out with you because you're being yourself, you're probably doing something wrong.


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## Tailsy (Sep 13, 2008)

?_? Why should you need to 'conform' to make friends?

I am not perfectly normal and I have _plenty_ of friends. Most of them being acquaintances, but the ones I talk to regularly I have more than just a few. :x A lot of them are younger/older than me too~ 
Some people just need to break out of their shell. People who are shy just look like they're stuck-up, so you just need to gain some natural confidence -- I DID THIS. It didn't change me like, at all, by the way -- and talk to people. 'Conforming' has nothing to do with it. We have the weirdest people in our group (mind you we're all lumped into the 'moshers' group but that is not the point).

You don't need to be cool to have friends. Coolness comes with being a nice person. :x


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## Zeph (Sep 13, 2008)

Tailsy said:


> ?_? Why should you need to 'conform' to make friends?
> 
> I am not perfectly normal and I have _plenty_ of friends. Most of them being acquaintances, but the ones I talk to regularly I have more than just a few. :x A lot of them are younger/older than me too~
> Some people just need to break out of their shell. People who are shy just look like they're stuck-up, so you just need to gain some natural confidence -- I DID THIS. It didn't change me like, at all, by the way -- and talk to people. 'Conforming' has nothing to do with it. We have the weirdest people in our group (mind you we're all lumped into the 'moshers' group but that is not the point).
> ...


Pretty much all of this. Except I don't have a huge amount of friends, just a moderate number and a lot of... acquaintances.


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## #1 bro (Sep 13, 2008)

Furretsu said:


> that is a twisted view o.o you should do things because you want to; whether or not this is the standard society has set is irrelevant


oh so either I can (to use a very simple example) wear red shirts and be a nerd with a couple friends, and no one else, or I can wear blue shirts and have everyone like me. but no, I should wear a red shirt, because that's the color I like better! who cares if I can get more friends wearing blue? I should do what I want!

I mean this only to a certain extent. for example, Abercrombie/AE/Hollister/Aeropostale are _the_ brands to wear. I don't, because I honestly hate those clothes and I feel like a friggin' poser. however, it's basically irrelevant whether I have those clothes or not, because a) our school has a dress code, so people only see what I wear at dances and parties, or on "dress down days" and b) plenty of unpopular kids wear those clothes, and yet still aren't as cool as the kids at the top. 

if, somehow, I would be condemned to be a lonely nerd unless I wore Abercrombie clothes, then yes, I would wear Abercrombie clothes. I hate the clothes, but you know what I hate more? Having no one like me.


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## Furretsu (Sep 13, 2008)

Zeta Reticuli said:


> oh so either I can (to use a very simple example) wear red shirts and be a nerd with a couple friends, and no one else, or I can wear blue shirts and have everyone like me. but no, I should wear a red shirt, because that's the color I like better! who cares if I can get more friends wearing blue? I should do what I want!


this is very shallow

enjoy your artificial friendships


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## #1 bro (Sep 13, 2008)

I honestly don't know how to respond to that, because it's really just not true. :|


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## Music Dragon (Sep 13, 2008)

My friendships aren't artificial. Or, well, that depends on how you define "artificial", Furret.

I mean... Sure, my friends don't know everything about me. If they did, they'd leave me for sure.

But just because I don't let them see every aspect of my personality, that doesn't make my friendships artificial.


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## Furretsu (Sep 13, 2008)

No, but when all they see is the color of the shirt you're wearing, then you have a problem.


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## Music Dragon (Sep 13, 2008)

Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure Zeta Reticuli was only using that as an example.


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## Furretsu (Sep 13, 2008)

Then replace the word "color" with "brand" for a more practical example.


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## Vyraura (Sep 13, 2008)

AK is right. 
If I were to change the clothes I wear, I would not be gaining any friends that I would want to have as friends. 

It is also true that I don't wear 'total loser clothes' and have a total sense of the importance of how I look. I wear clothes that I like and have made sure that the things I like are socially acceptable (I like pokemon obviously but you won't catch me dead wearing a _shirt_ about it). 

Even if your friends don't know everything about you, if the reason you have them as friends is simply because you look like a tool, then yes that is pretty artificial. 

However 'fuck the system' is better than 'follow the trends' but still will end up with you being a social outcast because you don't know what you're doing so don't do it. 
Perhaps more 'work the system'.


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## #1 bro (Sep 13, 2008)

a) it's not really about having friends, it's about being well liked. I, for one, would rather be able to sit in class knowing that the person on my right and on my left think that I'm a pretty okay guy who is worth talking to if the class gets boring enough, than be sitting in class knowing that the person on my right and left think I'm a hopeless nerd who is not worth saying a word too. but maybe that's just me. 

b) some people may think someone lower than them on the social ladder a likeable enough guy, but the system is so rigid that the more popular person is not willing to risk their popularity to befriend someone who already has plenty of other friends. in this case, the less popular person can put on a blue shirt to opens up new doors to friendships. 

really what I'm saying is, why waste all your energy going "why should I wear a blue shirt?" when you can just _buy_ a blue shirt and you'll be happier in the long run.


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## Minish (Sep 13, 2008)

I have three close friends, and a few people who won't look down on me if I talk to them. And I don't think I could be happier if I had ten close friends, and the rest of the class being acquaintances.

I guess I have a little 'fuck the system' mentality, but I don't _not_ have lots of friends for this reason. I am just friends with people that I share interests with, and who happen to be good people who weren't afraid to greet the little year seven with bushy hair and a lack of confidence.

People who feel they NEED to be cool and socially accepted are the type of people who thrive on that sort of lifestyle. And I have absolutely no problem with that. I'm just not like that myself.


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## Dannichu (Sep 13, 2008)

ultraviolet said:


> So uncool that it's... _cool_?









Strange but true.


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## Jetx (Sep 13, 2008)

coughsalot said:


> 1.  Neither warm nor very cold; moderately cold: fresh, cool water; a cool autumn evening.
> 2. Giving or suggesting relief from heat: a cool breeze; a cool blouse.
> 3. Marked by calm self-control: a cool negotiator.
> 4. Marked by indifference, disdain, or dislike; unfriendly or unresponsive: a cool greeting; was cool to the idea of higher taxes.
> ...


why did you post this...?

I'm kinda on the fence between the way Zeta Reticuli thinks and what everyone else seems to think. I'm kinda the uncool person among the cool people, if that makes sense, but people still like me. The only thing I do wrong is the fact I never say anything irl and just listen instead :)

I used to be all "why should I buy this brand of trainers when it's more expensive and I like the ones I have already? Who cares about what shoes someone is wearing?" but then I needed new shoes, I bought the cool ones just because they were there, and now I'm coolest person on Earth. Everyone wins.


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## Dinru (Sep 13, 2008)

I don't care about being "cool". I am myself, and I feel lucky that I'm apparently a nice enough person where people don't hate me for good reason. (If I wasn't, I would try to be a bit nicer, though) I'm shy, but I still come out of my shell enough. I still have friends who love and respect me for who I am, not because I wear a certain brand of clothing.

Although, one thing I don't understand: Why are non-conformists called that when they do, in fact, conform? They conform to the opposite of trends. I think the term should mean someone who just likes things, regardless of weather or not they are popular. Wicked, for example, is taking the small town I live in by storm, and I still love it.

 I don't care if people want to conform to current trends. It's a good security blanket against being teased and such, after all. I'm not that way, is all.

(I'm sorry if that made no sense)


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## Ruby (Sep 13, 2008)

'Friend' is the word that needs to be defined, not 'cool'.


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## Jetx (Sep 13, 2008)

It would be really shallow not to respect someone because they wear a different a clothes brand. That's really not what happens. It's just a matter of it being generally a better idea to wear what most people prefer, not that it bothers anyone if you don't.


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## Ruby (Sep 13, 2008)

All you conformists are building a hopelessly flimsy argument.  I can barely work out what you're trying to say.  But, really, what is there to say?  Your argument, whatever it is, is built on the ground that people should make up false personalities for themselves so that they can grovel to people who care about blue shirts.  I daresay you had to get rid of your spines to become so shallow.

I mean, I quite understand if someone is too embarrassed or timid to be himself.  But you should be cheering him on, not cheering his timidity.


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## Dewgongian (Sep 14, 2008)

Vladimir Putin's LJ said:


> it's cool to be uncool now


Agreed. 

The modern scene kids all listen to emo music and wear black and shit now.


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## Vyraura (Sep 14, 2008)

I don't see how that is relevant at all.


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## #1 bro (Sep 14, 2008)

Ruby said:


> All you conformists are building a hopelessly flimsy argument.  I can barely work out what you're trying to say.  But, really, what is there to say?  Your argument, whatever it is, is built on the ground that people should make up false personalities for themselves so that they can grovel to people who care about blue shirts.  I daresay you had to get rid of your spines to become so shallow.


I am no conformist >(  I do what it takes to make my experience in middle and high school a good one, and go no further than that. 

Believe me, I used to think the exact same way that Furretsu, Vyraura, and most people in this thread do. I was _miserable_ during that time. I had only one or two real friends, the others I mostly clung to out of necessity. It was not a happy time. Eventualy, I realized that I was being an idiot, and now I'm relatively popular, I have lots of friends, and I am generally happy. "Conforming," if you want to call it that, has _made me a happy person_. If I had kept being a stubborn fool and refusing to "conform", I would probably still be wallowing in self-pity to this very day.

Perhaps it was mainly my personality that changed from those unhappy days to today. I was kind of obnoxious back then, and now I'm only _slightly_ irritating. It seems in my school that personality is the deciding factor in whether you're a popular or not; the nerdz tend to be obnoxious and over-enthusiastic while the kool kidz tend to be confident and occasionally arrogant. But I'm not going to lie, my style of clothing has also changed, what I tell and don't tell people about my life has changed (for example, there's no way I'm going to tell anyone irl I'm planning on doing NaNoWriMo in a month and a half) and how enthusiastic I appear to be about school has changed. The second one is the only one that actually is harmful, and even then it's a small price to pay.

It seems to me that those who say "fuck the system" are ultimately hypocrites, who, given the chance to be popular, would take it without question. They all seem to be bitter nerds who are angsty about how they drew the short straw in life. But why should I care? You can all keep ranting about how unfair society is, while I'll just enjoy my life as it is. Okay? 



(also, I'm pretty sure that everyone has at least bit of a false personality, or people would pick their nose in public, and tell each other about how much they love masturbating. just sayin')


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## Eevee (Sep 14, 2008)

basing who you are on what everyone else does is shallow as fuck, whether you are trying to mimic them or oppose them

enjoy your hollow social web, zeta; I hope all the people who like who you pretend to be keep you entertained.  maybe someday you will actually find out what friends are.


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## Altmer (Sep 14, 2008)

And I, Mr Zeta Reticuli, am perfectly happy, and I did not conform to anything at all!

Paradox? No. I know who I am, I'm happy for it, and everyone who disagrees with that and dislikes it can fuck off.

I don't care about being "cool." If I am Altmer, ergo myself, there's bound to be people that like that and dislike that. I don't care about the people that dislike that because liking individuality and being yourself should be a sensible thing. If you do like me, well, more power to you and I might actually like you too!


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## Jolty (Sep 14, 2008)

Tailsy said:


> People who are shy just look like they're stuck-up, so you just need to gain some natural confidence -- I DID THIS.


please tell me how

Anyway uh what I wanted to say has been pretty much said already
Both people who are all about the trends and people who are all about doing the opposite just because, are really irritating :|

Myself, I don't think I'm either a conformist or a non-conformist... If I think something is rad I will like it and not care what people think


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## Worst Username Ever (Sep 14, 2008)

Jolty said:


> *If I think something is rad I will like it and not care what people think*


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## Tailsy (Sep 14, 2008)

If you can't tell your friends about something you're interested in doing out of fear of them thinking it's stupid and being friends with you anymore, then I'm seriously questioning _why you're even friends in the first place_. I tell mine about shit like NaNoWriMo a lot of the time, and although they think I'm a bit nerdy they like me for it anyway. P: 

Being popular is not about having a metric fuckton of friends, it's about having people you can be close to and act like total fucking dorks together because you don't care how other people think. 

I don't know! Maybe I just think that because I have a lot of friends! And I'm not immediately obnoxious and annoying! But it is true!


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## Altmer (Sep 14, 2008)

tailsy is my super dorky scottish friend


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## Vyraura (Sep 14, 2008)

Altmer said:


> And I, Mr Zeta Reticuli, am perfectly happy, and I did not conform to anything at all!
> 
> Paradox? No. I know who I am, I'm happy for it, and everyone who disagrees with that and dislikes it can fuck off.
> 
> I don't care about being "cool." If I am Altmer, ergo myself, there's bound to be people that like that and dislike that. I don't care about the people that dislike that because liking individuality and being yourself should be a sensible thing. If you do like me, well, more power to you and I might actually like you too!


replace my name in there and you have it


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Sep 14, 2008)

Zeta Reticuli said:


> (also, I'm pretty sure that everyone has at least bit of a false personality, or people would pick their nose in public, and tell each other about how much they love masturbating. just sayin')


No, that's common decency. It's not the same thing as pretending to be someone you're not.


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## Jetx (Sep 14, 2008)

Yeah um it's not a case of "if you don't wear this nobody will like you"
more "people like this brand, if you don't think it's bad, why not wear it?"

Man. I tell my friends when I'm doing NaNoWriMo, they don't care because they're my friends; yet I still wear the "cooler" clothes brands. Call it conforming if you will, but my personality doesn't change when I'm with my friends, and when someone calls someone else cool, they do mean "acceptable" and not "someone else who wears these awesome brands and thus is one of the only people who can be my friend". I do have a couple of "friends" who are shallow and judgemental like everyone here seems to think anyone who wears specific clothes brands are, but I'm not really their friends any more, because they're the more pathetic people, and I hardly think they approve of my geeky attitudes anyway :]

(actually what Tailsy posted sounds about right)


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## Music Dragon (Sep 14, 2008)

Tailsy said:


> If you can't tell your friends about something you're interested in doing out of fear of them thinking it's stupid and being friends with you anymore, then I'm seriously questioning _why you're even friends in the first place_. I tell mine about shit like NaNoWriMo a lot of the time, and although they think I'm a bit nerdy they like me for it anyway. P:


Oh, I tell my friends about my interests alright. But there are other things that I don't tell them out of fear that they'll hate me, and if that makes them false friends - well, they're better than having no friends at all and being universally feared/hated.


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## Ruby (Sep 14, 2008)

Zeta, I wonder, what exactly did you change about yourself?


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## Tailsy (Sep 14, 2008)

Music Dragon said:


> Oh, I tell my friends about my interests alright. But there are other things that I don't tell them out of fear that they'll hate me, and if that makes them false friends - well, they're better than having no friends at all and being universally feared/hated.


Interests =/= telling people things regarded as disturbing by the general populace

It falls under common decency.


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## Music Dragon (Sep 14, 2008)

Tailsy said:


> Interests =/= telling people things regarded as disturbing by the general populace


Well, yeah, kind of what I was saying.


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## #1 bro (Sep 14, 2008)

Ruby said:


> Zeta, I wonder, what exactly did you change about yourself?





Zeta Reticuli said:


> Perhaps it was mainly my personality that changed from those unhappy days to today. I was kind of obnoxious back then, and now I'm only _slightly_ irritating. It seems in my school that personality is the deciding factor in whether you're a popular or not; the nerdz tend to be obnoxious and over-enthusiastic while the kool kidz tend to be confident and occasionally arrogant. But I'm not going to lie, my style of clothing has also changed, what I tell and don't tell people about my life has changed (for example, there's no way I'm going to tell anyone irl I'm planning on doing NaNoWriMo in a month and a half) and how enthusiastic I appear to be about school has changed. The second one is the only one that actually is harmful, and even then it's a small price to pay.


(if that's tl;dr, it's mostly my personality)


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## Ruby (Sep 14, 2008)

'I stopped being obnoxious' is pretty vague.


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## Vladimir Putin's LJ (Sep 16, 2008)

So from what I gather you'd rather be popular than do well at school? That's, er, interesting.


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## Giant Squid (Sep 16, 2008)

Cyndaquil said:


> As the title sugests, I'm just wondering why people assume that everyone wants to be "cool". I'm not trying to start an argument. I really don't care what people think about me although many people do care what people think about them. Now please only post here to try to answer my question, not to just correct what I say. When I say something I mean what I say even if it has no logical meaning.


There's a difference between wanting to be cool and wanting to be popular, you know. The majority of kids at my school who claims they're cool are generally egotistic elitists who act as if they're better than everyone else and think they're too good to talk to people outside of their little clique. That's not cool, that's just being an idiot. Being cool means being popular, which means being liked by most people you know. Not everyone wants to be cool but most people do because being popular counts for practically everything during your life. Especially high school. If you're popular in school, you get invited to the parties, you're liked by the teachers, ect. People often look up to popular kids as gods because that's what they're made out to be.

In my opinion, wanting to be cool is ridiculous. Wanting to be popular is the way to go.


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